Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't buy my sister the same as my brother.

82 replies

Confuseddragonfish · 08/12/2016 22:46

The background to this is that for years I have taken my siblings Christmas shopping every year since I was 13. We go one Thursday night when the late night shopping is on in our town.

So I planned to take them today. My DSis is 17 now and when I asked her she said she didn't want to come with us. However my DB (8) still wanted to go so I took him. I told my Dsis if she changed her mind she could come and meet us but she didn't.

So because my Dsis didn't come we had some extra time before our dinner and the bus home and my DB wanted to go to the park . However on the way there we spotted a Christmas market in a church so we went to have a look round.

I bought my DB a cake and one to take home for my sister. There was also a raffle and one of the prizes was a stuffed bear with slightly wonky eyes. DB took a shine to the bear and asked if he could try to win him. I explained that he probably wouldn't win but he wanted a go so I payed for 3 tickets for him.

He didn't win the bear but DB was really good about it and he asked the lady running the stall to make sure the bear went to a nice home.
On our way out of the church the lady on the stall stopped us and offered DB the bear. She told him he had been such a good boy that the bear wanted to go home with him.

So I dropped him off at home with the bear and later on my Dsis text me saying she thought I was being really unfair and I have really upset her because I should have bought her more than a cake as DB had a bear and a cake. Also if I had told her we were going to a christmas market she would have come and I should have mentioned it. I explained to her what happened and she told me I was still being unfair and DB is my favourite.

My dad then text me saying he didn't understand why I hadn't got something else for Dsis. So I again explained what happened. But he said I was unreasonable as I should treat them both equally. I haven't replied yet.

I am admittedly a bit annoyed as my Dsis is 17 and my DB is 8 so I don't necessarily think they should be treated equally anyway. Also I offered to take my Dsis and its not my fault she decided not to go.

However I suppose they are both my siblings and maybe I should have thought about getting my Dsis something else as well.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 09/12/2016 00:35

Get her some Lego for Xmas on the basis that if she wants to be treated like an 8 year old boy then you are happy to oblige, and from now on get her for her birthday etc exactly what you get him. Childish little madam.

Dont bother asking her next year, just take your brother.

Bogeyface · 09/12/2016 00:37

And it sounds like your dad needs a lesson or two in parenting, if you at 20 have a better idea of how to treat kids fairly than he does. I have a 19 year old who is very similar to you in how she treats her siblings, she takes them out and treats them sometimes and I couldnt be prouder of her for her mature attitude, I would feel the same if you were my dd.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/12/2016 00:39

A tiny tears doll may be more appropriate

SandyFeet177 · 09/12/2016 00:51

No, you're not being unreasonable. Life isn't fair in all sorts of ways, a 17 year old griping because her 8 brother won a bear, IMO you would not be helping her by pandering to her behaviour which, I think, is a bit childish for 17. She was lucky to get a cake.

Original poster
Confuseddragonfish · 09/12/2016 07:10

Thank you
Our (mine and my DSis) mum died when we were still kids. But we have our step mum (my DBs mum).

OP posts:
MysweetAudrina · 09/12/2016 07:21

That makes a bit more sense op in a way I think. It sounds like you have taken on the emotional carer role with your sister over the years and that both your Dad and Sister expect and see you more in a mother role than a sister. I don't think after reading your latest post that it was really anything to do with the material stuff but more the emotional fall out. Your Dad sees you as a mother figure for your sister (emotionally) and I think that is likely why he overreacted. I still think they were both wrong but I understand their reaction a bit better.

NiceFalafels · 09/12/2016 07:30

I'd probably offer her the cost of three tickets. And tell her to go down the market.

BoboBunnyH0p · 09/12/2016 07:44

Your sister sounds entitled and grabby, your dad is doing her no favours by indulging this behaviour. God help her when she has to stand on her own two feet in the real world. I wouldn't engage in further discussion about it, you have explained what happened and if she continuing on about it ignore and change the subject.

CozumelFox · 09/12/2016 07:47

What a sulking baby! She's acting younger than the 8 year old! Will she be measuring and valuing all the gifts on Christmas day to ensure she gets the 'same' as the 8 year old?

The world's gonna kick her arse when she moves out.

Inertia · 09/12/2016 07:49

In fact you don't need to give her the £3. Just give her three non-winning raffle tickets.

Alorsmum · 09/12/2016 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 09/12/2016 08:11

This made me quite sad. You offered to do a lovely thing for both of them, a little tradition for the three of you and you have ended up feeling as though you are in the wrong. I agree with the PP who suggested Dad and your sister seem to have cast you in some sort of maternal role, but Dad needs to remind himself that you and Dsis are both his children.

FurryLittleTwerp · 09/12/2016 08:12

This is ridiculous! She wasn't with you by choice, so missed out on trying the raffle. Tough titty.

MudCity · 09/12/2016 08:14

I wouldn't even have bought her a cake! She is 17....old enough to buy her own cake and own raffle tickets....why should you buy things for her?

She sounds grabby and entitled. Your brother sounds more grown up than she does.

Ncbecauseitshard · 09/12/2016 08:14

You're 20, you don't have unlimited funds.

junebirthdaygirl · 09/12/2016 08:16

Surprised your dad ended up with such a lovely kind dd as you. Obviously it's something to do with it being your stepbrother but really? Your dsis is totally out of order here but hardly surprising since your Df is as bad. Sad you have to face all that after a lovely evening out. I wouldn't even engage with them.

Allthewaves · 09/12/2016 08:17

Your sister needs to realise she's an adult now.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall · 09/12/2016 08:19

Why did the woman give him the bear, surely somebody else won it, so that doesn't make sense.

fuzzywuzzy · 09/12/2016 08:23

Tell them you did buy her a raffle ticket you bought three one for you one for her and one for your brother and NOBODY won.

ItShouldHaveBeenJingleJess · 09/12/2016 08:37

Pizza, the OP says he didn't win the bear which would indicate the raffle had been drawn at that point. Clearly no one bought that particular ticket.

diddl · 09/12/2016 08:44

OK, so you bought raffle tickets.

So a couple of pounds?

Maybe just give her that (if anything) to show her how petty she is being?

Your brothers kind words about the bear were the reason he was given it, so she'll have to try that if she wants a free gift!

livefornaps · 09/12/2016 08:50

Regardless of your "emotional carer" role, the attitude shown by your sister and dad is exactly the type that sours generosity and makes the giver not want to bother anymore.

Even if you had been her mum, the situation would be the same! Your brother took you up on your kind offer whereas she did not. Many in your place would not have even sent a cake home as this was part of the afternoon outing and separate to the Christmas gift.

Your sister needs to realise that she cannot act like a 17 year old who has better things to do than hang aroubd with her family one minute and then act like a spoiled child the next. Part of growing up is realising that if you turn down plans then of course you may miss out. All of us have to live with that!

I reckon she has spun your dad a line like her brother got an extra present. Meet your dad, calmly explain this was NOT an extra gift this was part of the outing that was also offered to your sister. And if this is her attitude, you won't be in a hurry to organise anything else for her. I'm sure your dad will see then.

Well done on being such a lovely sister

Enidblyton1 · 09/12/2016 08:57

Poor you! Being the lovely big sister and being told off about it!

Your Dad and sister should be ashamed of themselves.

The thing is.... tell them that you don't have to be 'equal' in order to be 'fair' This is something my mum has always said to us (her 4 children). You can't possibly go through life buying the same things for your brother and sister or giving them the same amount of your time. Life just isn't like that. One time you might spend more time/money on one sibling and another time it will be the other.
Can you try and explain that to your family? They need to understand the realities of life!!

In this instance they are being completely ridiculous. You didn't even buy your DB the bear!! But even if you had - so what??! He was with you at the time.

Blacksheep78 · 09/12/2016 08:58

Confuseddragonfish, I would be very proud to be your sister. You have done a beautiful thing, for seven years. Congratulations.

HaveNoSocks · 09/12/2016 09:16

Jesus my four year old DS would understand that if he doesn't want to come he doesn't get the treat. IT was very sweet of you to send a cake back for her. I can't believe a 17 year old is grumpy because her 8 year old brother got a teddy and she didn't. I'm even more surprised your dad is encouraging her behaviour.