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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't buy my sister the same as my brother.

82 replies

Confuseddragonfish · 08/12/2016 22:46

The background to this is that for years I have taken my siblings Christmas shopping every year since I was 13. We go one Thursday night when the late night shopping is on in our town.

So I planned to take them today. My DSis is 17 now and when I asked her she said she didn't want to come with us. However my DB (8) still wanted to go so I took him. I told my Dsis if she changed her mind she could come and meet us but she didn't.

So because my Dsis didn't come we had some extra time before our dinner and the bus home and my DB wanted to go to the park . However on the way there we spotted a Christmas market in a church so we went to have a look round.

I bought my DB a cake and one to take home for my sister. There was also a raffle and one of the prizes was a stuffed bear with slightly wonky eyes. DB took a shine to the bear and asked if he could try to win him. I explained that he probably wouldn't win but he wanted a go so I payed for 3 tickets for him.

He didn't win the bear but DB was really good about it and he asked the lady running the stall to make sure the bear went to a nice home.
On our way out of the church the lady on the stall stopped us and offered DB the bear. She told him he had been such a good boy that the bear wanted to go home with him.

So I dropped him off at home with the bear and later on my Dsis text me saying she thought I was being really unfair and I have really upset her because I should have bought her more than a cake as DB had a bear and a cake. Also if I had told her we were going to a christmas market she would have come and I should have mentioned it. I explained to her what happened and she told me I was still being unfair and DB is my favourite.

My dad then text me saying he didn't understand why I hadn't got something else for Dsis. So I again explained what happened. But he said I was unreasonable as I should treat them both equally. I haven't replied yet.

I am admittedly a bit annoyed as my Dsis is 17 and my DB is 8 so I don't necessarily think they should be treated equally anyway. Also I offered to take my Dsis and its not my fault she decided not to go.

However I suppose they are both my siblings and maybe I should have thought about getting my Dsis something else as well.

OP posts:
JellyWitch · 08/12/2016 23:25

Even my 7 year old wouldn't get away with being like this. Sometimes one gets treated and sometimes the other and sometimes both together. It all balances out in the end!

EverySongbirdSays · 08/12/2016 23:27

Your sister is spoit and entitled and in no way should expect to be treated the same way as an 8 y/o.

You could perhaps ram this point home by buying her an extra gift. One perfectly suited to an 8 y/o girl. If she wishes to be treated exactly like her brother, she can be.

Perhaps say exactly that via text to your Dad. Her tantrum has probably taken all the joy out of it for DBro too

glitterazi · 08/12/2016 23:28

Ohhhh, balls to that. Sorry but it's tough titty, hard cheese and all that your sis decided not to go! That was her OWN doing, not yours, so don't go doubting yourself.
There's a hell of a lot of difference between 8 years old and 17 years old. If 17 years old decides "I'm not going" then fair enough. The offer was there, she could have come too.
She can't then go crying if she decided to stay at home whilst 8 year old stumbled across a Christmas market!
That's the chance you take. I could maybe understand if you'd have taken her back nothing. You didn't though. You went back with cake. Totally her and your dad being unreasonable!
Next time, lesson learned. Go along next time......

FV45 · 08/12/2016 23:29

If your DS is used to your dad meddling in that way it's no wonder she tried it on. Pathetic of them both.

You sound lovely. You had a special time with your wee bro and he'll remember it in years to come.

FV45 · 08/12/2016 23:30

And as you say it's not about equal treatment for siblings, it's about being fair, which you were.

Your dad should be thanking you for taking brother out.

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 08/12/2016 23:31

It sounds like your sister is being entitled and grabby. First she turns down the opportunity to be part of your traditional Xmas trip. Then she moans that she didn't get 'enough' from you. This sounds like an inherent personality flaw that needs to be nipped in the bud. Having had experience of my DP's DD on this stuff (she is only 12 years younger than me), I suggest treating her like you would an adult friend if they behaved like this. She needs to learn that attitude is unacceptable. Oh, and your Dad knows this, but is probably exasperated with her behaviour and is taking it out on you as the older one who can deal with it.

MysweetAudrina · 08/12/2016 23:35

She was lucky you brought her home the cake. You sound like my 22 year old. She is very kind to my 8 and 7 year old and brings them to the cinema and for food out of her own money. If one of the little ones chose not to go with her then tough. It was part of their day out and I wouldn't expect her to bring something home. I also have a 20 year old and I would die of incredulity if she expected to be treated the same as the little ones. Ffs the 17 year old should be treating the 8 year old not competing with him. You sound like a lovely big sister and your Dad and Sister sound self involved and entitled.

User090902138758934 · 08/12/2016 23:36

Maybe it's how I've read it, but she can't be much younger than you if you've been taking them both since you were 13? Very strange behaviour from her

honeylulu · 08/12/2016 23:36

Fuck that. I would have eaten her cake myself, the ungrateful madam!

FrayedHem · 08/12/2016 23:41

You didn't buy it for your brother either, the kind stallholder gave it to him because of his sweet behaviour when he didn't get what he wanted. I think your dad and sister could learn from your brother on this one!

Original poster
Confuseddragonfish · 08/12/2016 23:46

I'm 20 so there isn't that much between me and my sister age wise.
I just took my sister the first two years then my brother started to come.

I'm not sure what exactly she has told my dad so it's possible she is being more dramatic with him whilst I'm not around to explain myself.

OP posts:
MillionToOneChances · 08/12/2016 23:46

You spent however much on charity raffle tickets for him. The next time she's out with you I'm sure you'll be happy to do the same for her but it doesn't sound like she'll be charming any stallholders enough for them to hand over free stuff

User090902138758934 · 08/12/2016 23:49

You and your sister are very similar in age - she should be taking your brother out WITH you, rather than you taking them both out. You need to have a word with your dad imo as she isn't a child anymore and shouldn't be acting like one, or treated like one by him

pieceofpurplesky · 08/12/2016 23:51

Maybe they could get joint custody of the bear ....
or is that another thread ....

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 08/12/2016 23:59

Oh, so your 20 and your sister is 17. Sorry, OP, I assumed you were older. I think others did too. The poster who said it should be you and your sister taking your little brother out is bang on. She is 17 FFS.

WhereDoesThisRoadGo · 09/12/2016 00:00

You're... Hmm

FloraFox · 09/12/2016 00:03

My rule is that if you don't come you don't get. She's lucky you bought her the cake.

Ahickiefromkinickie · 09/12/2016 00:05

Your dad's reaction is bizarre. Does he baby your sis and expect you to be the adult? You are his child too.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/12/2016 00:11

Tell her she's 17 and needs to grow up and stop being a spoiled brat

YorkiesGlasses · 09/12/2016 00:13

Is your DM around? I know it's an isolated incident but you sound like a surrogate mother to your siblings.

If your Dsis thinks you favour your DB, let her. It's not the end of the world. Just don't buy her something to try and pacify her. That would be the worst way to handle this! Unless she has SEN - that's the only reason I can think of that at 17 she'd be expecting 'just the same' as her 8 year old sibling.

Crazeecurlee · 09/12/2016 00:15

Offer her the couple of quid you paid in the raffle tickets and then make it clear that as she is 18 next year she won't becoming, even if she continues to act like an 8 year old. Also make it clear that she and your dad are the ones in the wrong, for all the reasons pp have said, and that you are only offering the couple of pounds to highlight how pathetic the situation is.

You sound lovely OP and so does your DB Smile.

Inertia · 09/12/2016 00:18

Your sister still wouldn't have got a bear even if she'd gone to the Christmas market, since the kind stallholder wouldn't have thought she was kind and well-behaved.

Liiinoo · 09/12/2016 00:20

You sound like a lovely sister. Your 17 yo DS and your dad are complete;y out of order here. If she doesn't want to come on the outing then she misses out in any outing related treats.

My gut reaction is why are you, the not much older sibling doing Xmas treats, not your dad? But there could be many, many good explanations for that, it isn't really the issue. The proper point is if you offer someone an outing and they decline then they miss out on every aspect of that outing.

lorelairoryemily · 09/12/2016 00:21

You don't have to explain yourself!! You invited her to come and she said no!!! She's being very childish and your dad is being an asshole. He's 8, she's 17! My brother is 19 and my sister is 13, I'm 20 years older than her, 4 years older than him, I buy her loads for Christmas every year, and bring her out for days and I don't buy for him at all anymore, nor does he expect it. You need to tell them they are out of order. Poor you, you sound so nice.

lorelairoryemily · 09/12/2016 00:22

Ha not 4 years older than him!! 14!

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