MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

Unless paying the childcare was too hard I would never use family for childcare. Every thread about it on mums net validates that opinion.

So I had what amounts to the strangest conversation I've had in a long time with my MIL.

I said I was glad she'd found the hat, and she replied that she could see I was surprised to see her other DGd wearing it. I said yes I was as she knew I'd been looking high and low for it. I asked when she'd found it and she said several weeks ago and she just felt like her other DGD has less than my DD so she'd just give it quietly to her. She was quite worked up about it. I asked if BIL and SIL knew this and she said no.

I'm guessing she was just going to wear it when she was out with MIL.

I'm not overly close with BIL and SIL and don't know their finances (nor do I want to) but I do know they'd be horrified at being seen as a charity case.

I have no idea what to do or say to my DH. I'm sitting in the car thinking she's absolutely bonkers. I've left the bloody hat in her house and said if she feels that strongly she can keep it.

I have to go to a meeting quite soon so hopefully there will be an update, or I may not be able to concentrate.

Bizarre.

Except of course the people like me who were lucky enough to have GP help when I needed it (volunteered not asked) and it all worked perfectly so no thread needed.

My MIL is super busy and wonderful and looks after all her grandchildren in turn. But she still would have found time to text and say 'hey, I found the hat you were looking for!'

So she outright lied to you? That's not on.

I sincerely hope your SIL/BIL don't get wind of it either - they'll be mortified. It's not up to MIL to decide who has the most stuff - if she feels that strongly about it, SHE needs to buy DGD2 new clothes, not pinch them from your DD!

My DD has been wearing DS2's hat as I keep losing hers. It's a head, it's a hat and it's winter, if your MIL is anything like me then any hat will do when you're trying to get a small child ready to go out!

And I say this as someone who knows what it's like to have a 'sneaky' MIL who's never looked after our DC but I hope the OP didn't go in today with guns blazing and hear her out it may be she's lying but also equally not. Either way the hat has been found.

She's bonkers. But I would get another hat for your daughter, exactly the same one as the one she stole, just to make a point.

And your husband needs to have some words with her.

Looks like the hat is actually the catalyst in a massive inter-family psychodrama.....

Alternatively your MiL was just making up a load of bollocks .

X post. How weird!

Your husband needs to talk to her, she can't just decide that your daughter's hat can be given away.

Use proper childcare.

Too weird.

Just tell dh the truth.

pepper

I left the hat and I'm thinking how is a good time to avoid anymore drama and start thinking about a extra days childcare.

Childcare is a good idea. You need to tell your husband, though.

" I've left the bloody hat in her house and said if she feels that strongly she can keep it."

Well that was daft.

She'll feel justified in just appropriating stuff for her other GD now!

Ok op now you know she's giving your stuff away as well as being otherwise sneaky and aggressive I assume you'll be paying for childcare going forward?
Not sure why someone who is happy to work for you and her child for free wouldn't be generous enough to.just buy her other gc a hat though tbh. Strange to say the least....

I second asking your DH to talk to her - he sounds like he knows she has form for this sort of thing. It's pretty unfair on everyone here, including your SIL/BIL - if my MIL went around saying another of her GCs had more stuff than ours (and she wouldn't), therefore our DC were in need, I'd be cross and more than a little embarrassed.

Just read your update doomf - just eh?! That's not right, if she was that bothered about addressing some sort of 'material imbalance' then she shoukd have asked you where you got your DDs hat from and bought DN another. Keeping it on the sly for DN? Now I am wondering as other PPs have said that she favours her other gc more.

Good job it's happened though really as your dd would still be being left with someone inappropriate otherwise.

This is great and completely bonkers keep the updates coming OP!

bumsex

I'm not sure my MIL works for me but yes I feel like it's now appropriate to seek alternative childcare.

If she was that bothered about other gd having a hat, why didn't she buy her one!

When she knew you were looking for it, it seems really off!

If she's worried about her DGD having less than your DD she could always put her hand in her own bloody pocket and buy her her own hat rather than steal off your daughter.

Go back in and get the sodding hat!

I have less than my DB and I would go ape shit if my mum started nicking from their kid to give to mine and I would feel like shit that she felt my child had so little that they required stolen things from their cousin!

I'm with you OP. What a bloody cheek!

I'm also surprised that people are so laid back with personal belongings going astray and being ruined at nursery/childminder and having no concern about it. Luckily my DD was with gran so none of that nonsense.

Perhaps it's just people's "throwaway society" attitude. Not great.

And what the hell did the parents do when their DD turned up with a mystery hat ..... for a full year? Don't people know what their children own ha ha?

She knew what she was doing alright. You very clearly asked her about it! Her thought process is very odd though. I'd love to know what she was playing at. Did it match your nieces coat lol?

Just because she looks after your daughter and has the benefit of a relationship with her granddaughter doesn't mean she can just get away with swopping ownership of clothing. Some stuff is very pricey, and as you say you work hard to buy her. I've things.

And of course your DH knows what she is like more than any of us and has the full measure of her. But just because she has sticky fingers doesn't mean she can't care well for your daughter (I'm assuming she's not a shop thief!)

It really isn't on for her to decide your dd has enough stuff and therefore gives your property away to her other grandchild.
If she feels the other child is lacking something then she ought to address that with the child's parents. Stealing from you and your child is just beyond wrong. What happens when the kids are older and you are not talking about something little, like a hat. Will she unilaterally decude to give away your child's ipad or something?

Paid childcare by a non family member us the way to go!