MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

there is no way I'd've given her the hat

Just leaving this here ;)

That's a surprising outcome. How bizarre. Why on earth would she take something she knew you really cared about? I agree, time for paid childcare. How awful to steal from her own grandchild.

That's very odd as she knew you were looking for it. I wonder why she just didn't buy her other DGD a hat of her own ?

Sorry just read your update.

Don't know if she's telling the truth to cover for the other parents knowing or not.

Assuming she's telling the truth who the hell is she to decide who gets bloody what? So every time you send your DD in something like Ted Baker, she's going to snaffle it for niece?

She was happy to lie to you. Nice. If the other parents couldn't afford a hat for niece then gran could have bought one for her for £1 in Primarni.

I'm gobsmacked.

And I'd get the sodding hat back. I'd send my DH right in there to get it back for your DD. Stealing off a bairn tsk!

I can almost understand her giving a hat to poor deprived DGD if it were one that you didn't seem bothered about but to take something that you were obviously attached to and looking for a sneakily give it away is just odd. If she were really that set on PD(poor deprived)DGD having a 'naice' hat then why did she not just buy her one rather than take one from your daughter?

Very odd.

I'd be worried about what else she felt she could take from your DD to improve PDDGD's lot.

I felt like she was making out like DH and I are really well off. We're not! We work hard and have a nice lifestyle but were by no means well off. I don't know about my BIL and SIL because we're not overly close and we definitely wouldn't discuss our finances!

She's playing some seriously weird mind games here. Firstly, she lies to you for months. Secondly, she feels that she is the one to "re-distribute" wealth among family members as she sees fit. Thirdly, she gets upset when you challenge her. Bonkers.

You really cannot keep this hidden from your husband, doomf. It will fester. There's no need for any further drama, but your husband needs to know what is going on, because she may escalate in the future.

I wouldn't have left the hat!

really odd. she clearly begrudges you for something otherwise why take something belonging to your dd? if she really felt bad for her other dgd she could buy it herself. but she feels the need to redress the balance. i wonder why that is?

anyway, it certainly has soured things. i would be thinking about other childcare options although i'd worry that your dd's relationship with her would suffer. i wouldn't cut contact but certainly scale things back. it's the taking away from your dd that is upsetting.

If she's worried about her DGD having less than your DD she could always put her hand in her own bloody pocket and buy her her own hat rather than steal off your daughter.

This.

YANBU, OP. I would be looking for a new childminder.

Oh, so she's managed to work it so she's just being nice and you're feeling guilty. Clever.

I see what your DH means by 'sneaky'.

Whatever she's getting from you for xmas, I hope it's now a hat

Get the hat back!!! I won't settle until you have it.

Totally agree with Juno ^

Thats just so weird and ....yes, sneaky is the word.

I gave my DH. a quick call and explained it to him. He's livid. The hat will be coming back tonight when he goes round.

Why would anyone think anything but the hats had got mixed up?

Yay, go Mr Doomf

Sorry if I missed this but is her other granddaughter by her daughter or son?

Why would anyone think anything but the hats had got mixed up?

... until they'd read the thread.

Get the hat back. What a nerve she has. It is not for her to decide what to do with your property.

I'm actually quite confused regarding a lot of people's sarcastic responses about this. What right does the MIL have to take it from one and give to another without saying anything to the person who bought it. Surely you'd all be singing a different tune had you spent hundreds on a new iPad for your child only for your MIL to take it upon herself to give it to her other grandchild because she has less gadgets. Just because it's a hat doesn't make it okay to take things that don't belong to you.

Is this actually for real? You are getting this worked up over a.....HAT???? Stop being so fucking precious OP and go buy a new one if you feel that strongly about it with the sheer amount that you save with your MIL looking after your DD SO that you can work and buy her nice things...

If my SIL ever spoke to my mum like that over a freakin hat whilst my mum provided that much care for her child I think I would go nuclear at her and tell her to go put her DD in a nursery if she feels that strongly about it and we'll see how much she'll be able to bloody afford then...

Seriously, a hat.. there's people going without food in the country, children actually freezing etc and you are this bothered over a hat...

YABU TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE...

The mind boggles.
I'd be half tempted to buy a cheaper hat for the other DGD and ask for your DD's fancy one back - because you can't find another to match her coat.

Some body made comment about people not minding things going missing in nurseries and childminders.
I can't actually think of any clothes that have gone missing at nursery however I have had a few items stained. I tended to go down the route of cheaper clothes for nursery and even if they were stained / painted he continued to wear them until he outgrew them therefore limiting the amount of damaged clothing I was replacing.

Hope your DH is on the case.