MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

*comes to see if the OP had posted a picture of the hat

*leaves disappointed

Halojones it's just baffling to me how GPs can even do this? I just cannot get my head around it I really can't. And they do it so casually. If I tell the GPs in this case how much hurt they've caused they are in absolute denial.

No wonder OP is standing firm and fair play to her for doing so.

I cannot say it is wrong for a GP to have a favourite or to bond with one particular GC more than another. I can say it's wrong to let the less favourite less bonded with one feel like shit because of their personal inabilities to be fair and adopt a similarly human approach to all their GC. OPs MIL clearly has some deep seated issues about her two children - who knows even the circumstances of their births, which one came first and second, if one came at a time of life that was less convenient for MIL and that's one of the reasons BIL is more attended to then DH... who knows but I'm sure there'll be something that has given MIL such a strong conviction that she's justified.

Actually it would worry me, what else might she do? What if both GC were about to be knocked down by a bus? You can laugh/scoff and say how ridiculous Polyanna (and I'll take that, I would know what you mean) but sadly 'small' things like stealing on GCs clothing to give to someone else could be just the tip of the iceberg and we cannot predict how far that behaviour might extend at some future date. She certainly sounds fully committed to her line of thinking which since it's entirely unreasonable and very odd, means we can consider MIL somewhat barmy and thus somewhat unpredictable. Goodness knows what justifications she is able to concoct in her mind. This would be just the first of possibly many such incidents and I for one wouldn't want my child exposed to that kind of weirdness from such a completely unrepentant person.

Let's call a spade a spade. Usual is being targeted by posters who have their own agenda. Calling out and naming one particular poster over and over again, particularly when they haven't posted on the thread for some time is a cowardly and crap way of getting at someone.

All the people who say that 'it's just a hat'.......so you would be OK if your child came out of school without her jumper and the teacher said 'oh, I found her jumper to another child because her family are broke and she didn't have one. You can afford another one. It was only a cheap Asda one any way.'

blis

I found usual to be a bit rude.

Not a troll, just rude

Troll hunter-hunters? How hypocritical.

This is getting really long and I don't want to read it all as I am lazy. Please can someone summarise, in not too long a post. Preferably as a haiku

MIL is mean hat thief,
OP sad about the hat.
MIL not sorry at all.

FrancisCrawford thank you. And that is almost a haiku

A form of Japanese poetry. A haiku expresses a single feeling or impression and contains three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, respectively

Hat stealing mean mum
Golden child hat held hostage
Family put out

That works I think

Dammit, I was a syllable over on my last phrase. Sorry Dierdre. [hangs head in shame]

Long thread all on hat
Trolls try to derail with guff
Upset all over

Long tedious thread
Inspires poetry writing
Nobel prize beckons

I have read the op's posts and a few of the others. My conclusion is I want to buy a hat op you have sold it to me. Have you ever thought about sales.

Your child is 4 is she not at school yet or are you waiting until she is 5?

Not just a cheap hat
It's the principle, we say
Not fair on OP

dontpokethebear

I'm very puzzled about the MIL defenders on this thread.

Can you imagine the howls of "gross misconduct" and "sack her" on MN if it had been a nanny that had stolen an expensive hat and given it to another child she looked after because she thought the other child deserved nice things more than OP's DD.

I don't really understand why MIL is getting a pass from some posters. It would be different if MIL was obviously sorry but she's obviously not - especially as she has "mislaid" the hat again to avoid giving it back to her GC.

"don't really understand why MIL is getting a pass from some posters"

She isn't. Or not by anyone who's read the thread anyway.

Me neither Lund

Lunde "I'm very puzzled about the MIL defenders on this thread."

Me too, and there are so many of them! It's not just the stealing of the hat, but the year of blatant lies to the OP and then the reaction when found out. Appalling behaviour and very hurtful coming from a close family member too.

I am going to go out tomorrow and buy a hat for all my children. It is cold outside.

I have had something like this happen in my family. I felt very embarrassed about it my mum and dad had taken the meat we had bought and cooked for them. My mum shared a small portion to each of us and hid the rest her and my dad had a midnight feast. I don't have a good relationship with my mother nor does my children. Not because of me that is how she is.

Yeah I don't get it either.

The stealing is bad.
The lying is bad.

But you forgive people for transgressions if they apologise.

MIL, instead of apologizing, is blaming the OP for not being 'sensitive' to the apparent difference in family incomes.

Hell, it's a be one thing if MIL said "i'm sorry that I have upset you, but in my opinion..."

But nope.

And now the hat is 'missing' again.

I do not get the sympathy for her, she has behaved badly and just keeps digging.

Read the full thread please
Then there is no confusion
And you sound stupid

What makes you think I haven't RTFT? (if that's directed at me)

I'm glad I've inspired some creativity in posters

horid I don't think you've understood the thread but 37 pages in I can't even be bothered explaining it again