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Original poster

MIL and daughter's hat.

1003 replies

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:14

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

OP posts:
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DistanceCall · 09/12/2016 11:59

I once worked in a department with a colleague, and the administrator took it upon herself to make sure that our pay was delayed every single month (eventually, by one whole month). Eventually, when we confronted her, she blurted out "but you are paid so much, aren't you!" (we didn't. But even if we did, it was none of her business).

People can get some very strange ideas about other people's money (and whether they deserve it).

parrots · 09/12/2016 12:04

I agree with PP who said this is likely to relate to some issue MIL has with you. She's probably jealous of you for some reason and trying to slight you in subtle ways. Definitely best avoided

heartskey · 09/12/2016 12:10

If I was the BIL I'd be having words with mother telling her that she's out of order giving his nieces hat to HIS child and it's insulting to him that he can't afford a hat for his own child, or that he'd appreciate it if she didn't bring his family into whatever weird little mind games she's playing against her Dil. Or just a straight forward "WE DON'T WANT THE BLOODY HAT MOTHER, RETURN IT IMMEDIATELY TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER".

NellysKnickers · 09/12/2016 12:16

It's a HAT a bloody HAT! I'm hoping and praying when my ds's get married that their wives/whatever will have more sense than a lot of posters on this thread.

FurryLittleTwerp · 09/12/2016 12:17

Nelly don't get your knickers in a twist - the HAT part is completely irrelevant. It's the lying & manipulating.

FurryLittleTwerp · 09/12/2016 12:19

The hat won't have been missing for a year - no way. MIL will have deliberately put it aside. DN will have been wearing it every time she's been with MIL on a cold day.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 09/12/2016 12:20

Hopefully the hat will make it's way to BIL's. at least you can get it back then and it would be interesting to hear MIL's excuse as to why their daughter had this 'new' hat on.

What a silly silly woman. She clearly has some sort of issue over money or whatever her problem is. Or this is just a huge power thing to her and she didn't expect to get caught and she cannot back down now as she will massively lose face.

When are you going to tell her (or your DH will) that she is not having her DGD anymore?

NellysKnickers · 09/12/2016 12:23

Maybe I've missed some of the thread.......sorry

thinkimcrazy · 09/12/2016 12:27

She sounds crazy!! Shock she couldn't find the hat though

KatharinaRosalie · 09/12/2016 12:27

It's not about the hat! Could have been a hairclip - you don't just steal from one grandchild because you think the other one deserves her stuff more!

ElleMcElle · 09/12/2016 12:28

You haven't missed anything, Nelly. It really is about a daft MIL and a hat. But the goading / feeding frenzy on this thread has made it into a relationship-severing event.

Neefs · 09/12/2016 12:29

Its not the goading it's the behaviour of the MIL. Stealing from your DGC and lying isn't daft. It's wrong.

usual · 09/12/2016 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 09/12/2016 12:47

It always interests me how on such threads some posters are able to see past the hat, and whats really going on, and how some cant see that and to them it really is about a hat Hmm

zoemaguire · 09/12/2016 12:51

it's not just a bloody hat though, isn't that obvious?! I am genuinely totally mystified by some people's apparent failure to see the bigger picture. How bizarely literal do you have to be to fail to see the problem with stealing from one grandchild to give to another? It's totally irrelevant whether it's a car, a hat or a paperclip.

Soubriquet · 09/12/2016 12:54

It isn't just a hat though usual

It's obviously more than £1 cheap hat you can buy in the shop.

Irrelevant of the price, it's the lying and favouriting that's the problem.

And how the MIL thinks it's ok to steal from one child to give to another.

Would it be ok for her to go up to a random well dressed child in the park and say "you've obviously got more than my grandchild. I'll have your hat" and take it?

No

so why should the OP sit by and let her MIL steal her child's hat

gotthemoononastick · 09/12/2016 12:55

That taught the old witch...nicely humiliated to her sons as well.Four year old will be told in detail why she is not going to Granny anymore I trust?

Never an ill wind that does not blow any good though OP,as you can now have the 'only our little family' Christmas.

Feel so sad for your poor DH to be gleefully shown what a hideous Mother he has.But hey! RESULT!.

Thank you God for my lovely daughters in law who would never do this to my sons and have empathy for humanity's(and my) foibles.

usual · 09/12/2016 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SILfoundmyusername · 09/12/2016 12:56

I think it's not about the hat usual. Why mention a feeding frenzy?

I think this has actually been quite a sensible OP who's DH has spoken to his brother, sorted things out amicably and not dragged things out and wondered what is happening.

Well done to your DH doomf. Agree inviting the brother and sister ninlaw sound s a agood die and for Christmas drinks.

usual · 09/12/2016 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scaredycat3000 · 09/12/2016 13:02

nicely humiliated to her sons no she humiliated herself, the MIL stole, lied and lied some more, then she got caught, and lied some more.
DH to be gleefully shown what a hideous Mother he has, but the OP's DH told the OP before this what he thought of his own Mother My husband just knows she's sneaky at times.
Have you RTFT, or just in training to become one of those people who is a MIL to some poor soul?

Iambubbles86 · 09/12/2016 13:13

Not enough time to rtft sorry but do we know 100% this is ops dds hat. Ie does it have her name sewn in? Otherwise as its not a one of a kind item its quite possible just another of the same hat

MrEBear · 09/12/2016 13:13

Random though, Bil hasn't seen the hat so it must be kept at Grannies. Is she using the same hat on both girls so they look smart when they are with her?
The fact that op spotted the granny with the other DGD and the hat has lead to a massive mess?
I do full agree it's not just about the hat that has gone missing, if it was a genuine error Mil would have said "Sorry I found it and though it was other GDs forgot that you had lost one" and it would have been handed over without any resistance when she went round to collect it.
I would be worried about other things going missing and being redistributed.

Neefs · 09/12/2016 13:16

Iam the MIL admitted taking the hat. You really do need to rtft

gotthemoononastick · 09/12/2016 13:16

I do have three DDil's scaredy,but am and will always be'in training' for this old thing we call life!

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