MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

I imagine she sent the hat gone with DGD. How embarrassing for your BIL. Even if they are struggling, it's absolutely not on for MIL to be telling people.

Hat home with DGD

I imagine she has kept the hat at her house, so she can dress up DN in the lovely hat, rather than her own.

My DM used to hate taking out my DB's & SIL's children in their own clothes, as they were shabby hand-me-downs & usually unwashed with dinner-medals down the front . SIL is very lazy & slovenly, & my DB was struggling to keep on top of everything & go to work when the kids were small.

DM would get them changed into special, clean, new Granny Clothes, while laundering their own stuff & changing them back into it before home time

Curiosity got the better of DH and he phoned his brother this morning and gave him a quick run down of what's happened. I think BIL was a bit bewildered by it all and upset that his mum thinks his daughter doesn't seem to get enough. He said to DH that he and wife are a bit skint atm due to various things (needed new windows and boiler etc) and he'd said that to MIL in passing in conversation and perhaps that's where this has all spun from. He said if the hat ends up in his house he'll be returning it. Think he's going to speak to mil as well.

Well done MrDoomf

Furry My mil would say the same about me. She seems to re dress the dc when they get there too, and would happily say I dressed them shabbily.

This could not be farther from the truth, I dress them very well, and they are clean. But my MIL likes to dress the whole family, she has a particular uniform for the young ones of very ironed jeans and t shirts. She also has a cleaning obsession which is extreme. So MY dc turn up in lovely what I would call classic dc clothes eg corduroy monsoon smock, she would itch and need to get them into jeans and t.
I well imagine she calls me slovenly behind my back too. I try not to rock the boat re her dressing my dc - but after reading a post like that ^ It makes me wonder if I shouldn't be more firm.

Its in her own mind Doomf. Glad your DH has spoken to his DB and cleared things up. I doubt its about them though, its all about YOU and her.

I think DH was a bit worried that his DB thought we were being snobby for some reason but his brother said absolutely not and pointed out that we don't see each other enough and we're not that type of family (BIL and SIL included!)

Mil has just taken an innocent conversation and turned it into something ridiculous

elf she won't be seeing me for a loooooooong time so she'll need to stew on that one.

Oh dear. She's going to have a harsh fall from these games. Glad bil realises the ridiculousness of it too.

Erm, is she expecting you to do something with her for Xmas?

Good OP.

Any signs that MiL is loosing the plot? My DGM started acting a bit weird in her early 60's. Turns out she'd been having mini strokes which made her act strangely!

Elf becoming a grandmother certainly brought out my mother's Inner Snob

distance I'll be excusing myself from visiting. She's welcome to come to us but I'm not growing out my way

*going

So glad BIL wasn't "off" with your DH.

I'm glad your dh has spoken to bil and mortified for your bil - what an awkward conversation!
God knows what your mil is thinking! Dh and I are better off than db & sil but my dm would never do this! She just tries to help them out herself and that doesn't include stealing from us.
It just seems like a really nasty thing for her to do to her dgd, like she's trying to spite a 4yo.

"he'd said that to MIL in passing in conversation and perhaps that's where this has all spun from."

Doesn't excuse taking from one GC to give to the other though.

I doubt that MIL is daft enough to let your neice take your daughter's hat home.

You did right getting her into nursery

My mother does the exact same thing with one of my DDs! She's convinced that having a sibling has been a missive blight on DD1s life and favours DD1 at DD2s expense to compensate for the imaginary disadvantage she thinks having a sibling as caused her. Your MIL was "using" your DD as the underdog so she could favour her other GC. It's not just unhealthy for your DD to be around, but also, it's not healthy to be the favourite either.

She also sounds a bit gasslightey - she's doing things that are contrived and out of order but that make YOU look like the crazy one if you pull her up on it (see all the "it's just a hat" comments)

TinselTwins... off topic, but are you an only? Your mum sounds seriously strange either way, but you being a only sorta explains that.

I am yes.

It is nothing to do with the wanting to give the other DGD the hat because they don't have as much as you.

It is purely to get one over you. You resents you/doesn't like you.

The hat's been missing for a year, Right ?

That doesn't add up to Bil's resent money issues

Can you invite BIL and sil round for Christmas drinks and a chinwag and not invite MIL?!

But the hat was only found a few weeks ago which would.

Say it was genuinely missing....MIL potentially thought it was lovely last year if a little expensive. When she found it this year she decided that it was no longer 'fair' that DGD gets the hat and passes it on to DGD2 who has 'nothing'. OP is 'raking it in' after all and can buy another in MIL's mind.