MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

Really Wendy? I think child care is a huge favour. It is quite possible to have quality time with your grandchildren without having sole care for a day each week - its not abnormal for people to want to see their parents you know. I'm lucky enough to have a mum and MiL who will babysit/look after my kids. I'm not under any illusion about who is doing who a favour though.

I'm 100% with the OP and agree with PPs that this may be the tip of the iceberg. Who knows what else the MIL does secretly because she favours one GD above the other? Disgraceful behaviour on the part of the MIL and there are no excuses for it whatsoever. In the OP's place I wouldn't trust the MIL further than I could throw her.

OP I cannot understand why so many people are siding with the MIL about this! Your situation sounds very familiar, I have my own experience of my belongings been appropriated by my aunt (my DM's SIL) when I was a child.

We only really saw my aunt's family at Christmas every year and one year I had a pair of knitted slipper booties that my DM had knitted for me, I LOVED them and only took them off at bedtime. My slightly younger cousin fell in love with them as soon as she saw them and pestered me to share them with her and my aunt tried to demand that my DM should knit a pair for my cousin which my DM wouldn't commit to doing (she didn't have much free time and the wool she used was actually very expensive washable thick chunky yarn - it would have been far cheaper to buy slipper booties than knit them in fact). Anyway, my aunt's family left early after Christmas and the morning they left I couldn't find my booties anywhere... I was devastated, the way only a child can be when your favorite thing in the world has disappeared. Years later my DM told me that she directly called her SIL to ask her straight out if she'd taken them and SIL denied all knowledge.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago and thanks to the wonders of Facebook we finally caught our thief! My aunt posted some family pictures of my cousins when they were children and guess what slipper booties my cousin was wearing in the pictures! My DM was furious (she had never really believed her SIL's denial). On top of that my cousin was wearing a pair of pyjamas in the pictures which my DM recognised as mine that had also gone missing! I didn't remember them but my DM certainly did. My DM wrote a very direct post on FB under the pictures calling my aunt out and a minute later my DM's other SIL posted that she'd "lost" a ton of toys and clothes over the years whenever my aunt visited and everyone in the family knew to hide away their favorite things when my aunt's family came to visit. Strangely the pictures and posts were deleted shortly afterwards...

I can't believe the people defending the MIL - nor can I believe the other stories I've read on here about other grandparents taking things from one grandchild to give to the other. It's like reading about a species from another planet, how bizarre people are.

At the end of the day, your MIL didn't just do something weird to your DD, she did it to HER CHILD, your DH by making that choice on behalf of his sibling.

I think it's important he doesn't get sidetracked by a 'it's just a hat' ruse.

He needs to ask her just what's going on, what's this all really about..

After all that you left the hat

Why didn't you suggest she bought her a hat?

You know, it's possible that she lied and said she bought the hat for the other child? And then if you take it back, she'll have to do the whole "I haven't seen it" song and dance again, hoping that you don't bump into them while your dd is wearing it

But she is showing favoritism to her other DGC (alarmingly overt favoritism by actually stealing from one DGC to give to the other) and I would stop using her for childcare for that reason.

She left the hat because the MIL was "quite worked up about it" and she would have probably made a scene. I think doomf was right to tell her husband and let him deal with this.

MIL has decided that one GD doesn't deserve something that has been bought for her & given it to her other GD.

How is that justifiable at all?

I think the OP's husband should tell his brother and SIL about this too.

She thinks she is actually Robin Hood, doesn't she.

I did think you had been a tad harsh on the MIL until I read

"I asked when she'd found it and she said several weeks ago and she just felt like her other DGD has less than my DD so she'd just give it quietly to her."

WTAF? Who does she think she is, fucking Robin(a) Hood??? I think your DH should tell his sibling what has happened, but first of all, suss out childcare for that day, then tell MIL that as BIL and SIL are in such dire financial straits, you are putting your DD into childcare from now on so that MIL can mind the other DGD on that day every week as well...

Your DH should also tell her that in future if she feels her other granddaughter is 'deprived' in some way, perhaps she could redress the balance another way than stealing from your DD! I take back my earlier comment. Psycho deserves all you gave her, and the rest!

Careful with your own stuff..
-MIL, I've lost my purse, can't find it anywhere!

• Yeah I decided that you have enough, I gave the purse and cash to SIL instead.

She's bonkers.

Please for the love of God show us the hat or at least tell us how much it cost

I have a 2yo and a 4yo and I have zero clothing / accessories, for either of them, that I would be this angsty about if they went missing!!!

What a bizarre thing to do! Do get DH to ring his brother and tell us what he says-I reckon he will be mortified.

To all the people who are going on about how little they would care about a hat: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE HAT.

It's about the fact that the MIL lied for weeks to Doomf, and then confessed that she had taken the hat off Doomf's daughter to give it to her other grandchild, because she had decided that the other grandchild "had less".

I cannot believe half of the responses to the OP. The MIL stole from her grandchild, she's got the cheek of ten arses.

Why should OP be expected to quietly put up with MIL stealing from her because she has DGD once a week? The child care is absolutely irrelevant. OP is not obligated to accept shithouse behaviour from her MIL just because MIL is doing her a favour.

Example for context:

Friend A gives friend B a lift going 7 miles out their way, every week, to go to a shared activity.

Friend A steals Friend B's bracelet which fell off in her car one time. Friend B sees her wearing it a few weeks later.

Friend B posts on MN.

MN response: get over yourself, cannot believe you are annoyed about this, after all that driving round your kind friend has done for you.

I think not.

Actually it was initially about the hat Distance as OP didn't know for sure what granny had done until she went round and had the conversation!!

I think the original post was about the lie rather than the hat itself:

The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. I asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

I would have pushed them both into the bush and grabbed the hat. How very dare she... it's a hat...chill

Well done doomf, great resonse to your mother in law.

I do wonder if the child loved it and granny could not say no! She should have said no. But there you go.

Please put up (a) picture of the hat when it comes home, (b) where you bought it, and (c) how much it was?

To those of you who think it's only a hat, answer this. At what amount of money would you be uncomfortable with being stolen from you? The hat represents worth, having exchanged money for it. So do tell us? At what point would be too much for you all? The op presumably needed to buy another hat.

Hatzilla!

Again:

If I'm being honest, it's the fact that I've asked her about it a few times. I don't spend loads of money on DD's clothes but this hat was expensive and she knew this (...) When I'd said a few weeks ago she described the hat to me when I said I was looking for it. She clearly knew whose hat it was.

Would people please stop saying "chill, it's just a hat". It matters to the OP. The MIL had no right to decide to take it off one of her grandchildren and give it to the other one.

The MIL lied. Doomf knew she was lying because she had asked about the hat repeatedly and the MIL described it accurately while Doomf was looking for it. And then she confirmed it.

It's not the hat (although the OP is completely entitled to want to retrieve her hat). It's the MIL's lying and privileging one child above the other.

She thinks she is actually Robin Hood, doesn't she.

More like Robbin' Hat