MIL and daughter's hat.

[doomf]

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

Totally agree with ThisThingCalledLife - "You weren't meant to find out about the hat, that was meant to be her secret to a kick out of every time she thought/used it."

I don't believe she took the hat to give to your niece because she thinks niece has less. That just another lie she's telling you. She is quite the shit. The fact that your husband can use the work 'sneaky' to describe his mum speaks volumes and I wonder what stunts she puled on him, growing up .

Is it just a snobbish thing, if your BIL & SIL weren't aware? She wants to take DN out in the fancy hat, not in her own nasty cheap in her eyes perfectly acceptable hat but less expensive, hence thought it fine to pinch DD's.

Perhaps you could take one of her items of clothing to give to your mother. I'm sure she'll understand if you explain that she seems to have so much more than your mum.

notso

Perhaps you could take her hat? Or prime your daughter to ask her grandmother why she stole her hat?

Even if you accept that childcare is a favour (and that really does depend on the particular grandparents - many can't wait to have the kids to themselves), it doesn't mean you have to accept being stolen from as the price of that favour!

It's bonkers. She doesn't sound nasty, just odd. When people get older, they do get worked up about things. I see it with my parents and PIL. We have to listen to MIL constantly saying SIL/BIL - huge house, luxury cars - have no money and how terrible it is...

I would just ask her not to do it again and leave it at that.

OP, please update when your DH has been round and I hope he tells his brother and SIL. Your MIL clearly can't be trusted.

I can't believe anyone thinks what the MiL did was okay. I'm not generally a "principle of the thing" sort of person, but how on earth can anyone think it's okay to take something (anything! it doesn't matter what it is!) that belongs to one grandchild and simply decide you'll give it to the other - to the point of lying to the OP's face about not knowing where the item is when repeatedly asked. Utterly batshit.

"When people get older, they do get worked up about things."

Op's MIL can't be that old can she?

It is the sort of thing I could see my mother doing - she was always over compensating for perceived inequalities between her children - mostly in one direction

When people get older, they do get worked up about things.

I tend to think that people become more who they are with age.

Those wankers at the DM are going to love this thread.

YANBU OP - MIL was totally out of order.

I agree with PP - this is nothing to do with a redistribution of nice stuff amongst MILS GC. It's her taking some type of control away from you/revenge on you .

Let's not forget that she has lied to you consistently over several weeks, saying she didn't have it, all the while chuckling to herself as she put it on DNs head. She sounds a bit unhinged.

On tenterhooks to find out if your DH comes home with the hat

OP can you describe "quite worked up about it"? Angry or upset or flustered? There's much, much more to this I think.

I agree, there is MUCH more to MIL's actions. It is so not just about a hat for her.

There is a can of worms about to open....... It will be very interesting to see what you DH gleans this evening, Doomf.

Mumsnet feels very strongly about not taking advantage of grandparents for free childcare and that's great but in threads like this the issue isn't that the OP is taking advantage of her MIL. She's said she thinks it's time to find other childcare arrangements.

The issue at hand is that MIL by her own admission decided to take a hat she knew belonged to one grand daughter and gave it to the other one. It's not about a hat, OP was happy to leave the hat - she's obviously sick of the argument. It's about a really odd dynamic and MIL's treatment of both grandchildren.

Really, it is the trust between them has broken. Hence OP thinking it is time for other childcare. It is not the had, per se.

haT

Why didn't she just buy her a hat??

How strange!!

If the MIL had taken something from the OP herself to give to the SIL I wonder if those defending the MIL would view it differently. It's theft and deceit. It doesn't matter what the item is or that it belongs to a child rather than an adult. Also, just because someone does good things a lot of the time (free childcare in this case) doesn't mean they should be able to behave badly occasionally without being pulled up on it.

Your MIL sounds like an absolute fruit loop

Blatantly placemarking to hear what happened when DH went over for Operation Hat Rescue