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Original poster

MIL and daughter's hat.

1003 replies

doomf · 08/12/2016 10:14

My MIL looks after my DD one day a week (Tuesday) and her other grand daughter one day a week (Wednesday).

I bought my daughter a lovely hat last year to go with a coat she had. The hat went missing at the end of last winter and I'd searched high and low for it it to no avail. Is asked MIL if she'd seen it and she swore blind she hadn't (I was pretty sure the last time she'd worn it was to her house). A few weeks ago I lamented to MIL that it was a shame id never found the hat as it would still have fit my DD this winter and she agreed.

Yesterday afternoon I'd taken a day off work and had gone into town with my DD only to run into my MIL and her other grand daughter...wearing the bloody hat!!!

AIBU to think that you just don't do that?!

OP posts:
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Sol1dGoldCunt · 08/12/2016 15:05

Wow. My mil asks me if she minds passing down toys that she bought and has kept at hers! She wouldn't dream of giving anything of ours away without asking.

Yanbu it's not about the hat at all, you'll never be able to let your dd take anything nice to her gms again in case she decides your niece deserves it more Angry

CockOhDial · 08/12/2016 15:09

It sounds as though your niece is the favoured grandchild and so MIL wants her to have all the nice things!

My mum favours my sister and her children over me and my children. DH and I are better off financially than my SIL and BIL and it causes my mum a lot of angst and hand wringing as she simply can't bear for us to have or do anything nice that my sister and her children haven't done!

We went to Disney World last year and my mum refused to engage in any conversation about the holiday when we got home, and I know it was because she would rather my sister had been on that holiday rather than me!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 08/12/2016 15:10

She obviously favours her other DGD.
What happens when a favourite toy of your DD goes missing?

Nanny0gg · 08/12/2016 15:12

The MiL lied.

And she could have bought other DGC a hat for a fiver if she was that bothered.

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 08/12/2016 15:13

doomf your MIL is barking...glad your DH is retrieving the hat.

I'm equally as Hmm at the people who think it's unreasonable to ask for your/your children's belongings back unless hats are now valid childcare currency?

ThisThingCalledLife · 08/12/2016 15:19

Well she's made it clear - she thinks of you're 'loaded' and is rather jealous and resentful. Stealing the hat was her way of 'punishing/putting you in your place'...typical pass agg shite.

You weren't meant to find out about the hat, that was meant to be her secret to a kick out of every time she thought/used it.

She's using your niece/allusions to in-laws finances to deflect any accountability for her actions Hmm

Your dh's right - she's a sneaky, pass agg cow and you can't trust her.
I wonder what other ways she's been expressing this attitude to your dd?

And it's not about the hat - that's just a 'tool' mil is using to play her narcissistic games.
Next, she'll be using xmas gifts as a way of making her point.

i think your dh should speak to his brother and give him a heads up so all of you can 'watch' mil Xmas Grin

ozboomoo · 08/12/2016 15:28

If my mum thought that the other DGC needed a hat then she would go and buy them a hat.... Not take one from another DGC!

She's appalling, my DH would be furious too! Who prioritises DC needs like that !!!!

I want to see the hat !!'

CockOhDial · 08/12/2016 15:31

Well said ThisThingCalledLife!

DailyFail1 · 08/12/2016 15:32

She prob does other things too that OP doesn't know about. Maybe she only ever makes the other Gd's favourite foods, or if they fight it's always OP's daughter's fault etc etc

KayTee87 · 08/12/2016 15:33

I probably wouldn't have the balls to pull someone up about something like that but by the sounds of it she did know it was your daughters hat. Is it possibly that the other DGD kept getting sent to MILs in inadequate clothing last winter and that's why she did it? Clutching at straws here as she could of course picked a hat up herself from any shop.

CockOhDial · 08/12/2016 15:36

Yes she probably does do other things too. My mum has certainly made her opinion known via her actions over the years that she favours my sisters children.

KayTee87 · 08/12/2016 15:36

Took so long to type that reply (distracted by baby waking up) that I missed a whole update Shock

IamWendy · 08/12/2016 15:49

It's almost as if it's not the hat that mil wanted, rather it was something taken from the 'rich' child and given to the 'poor' one, in a weird sort of poetic justice!? In that it could only make the other child happy if a luckier child was being deprived?

AnitaTeaBakes · 08/12/2016 15:49

I can't believe the number of people saying it's just a hat....she provides a days free childcare...fuck off!! She's acted in an underhand manner, stole off her own granddaughter and used her other child (bil/sils financial state) as a scapegoat. She's a grown woman and should be held accountable, no matter what the value of the item is. And the childcare has fuck all to do with it.

^Totally agree. I can't believe people are actually saying the OP is/was out of order. The MIL is 100% in the wrong here.

Bestthingever · 08/12/2016 15:52

Op you've had a hard time from some people but I can understand how you feel. My dh is seen as the better off brother and consequently, my mil thinks my dc should be giving their stuff to bil's dcs. During one visit MIL told 5 year old dd to go to her room and get some books to give to her cousins as books were sooo expensive (her words). I was so pissed off about her doing this behind my back I took them from her room when she was out. I've also seen dd wearing something new to be old by her dgm 'you need to pass that on to your cousin'. Toys have gone missing from our house when she's been staying as well.

WouldHave · 08/12/2016 15:53

Clearly child care from her has to stop. You just don't know when she will decide that her other grandchild needs your child's coat, dress, iPad, bike ...

Headofthehive55 · 08/12/2016 15:54

I can't believe other people think it's ok to redistribute others property!
You don't steal from other people.

I am reminded about the joke about the man sitting next to a girl on a train. He asks her to sleep with him for a million pounds. She says yes. Then he says will you do it for a fiver? The girl says, oh I'm not that sort of girl. The man replied, oh I think we've established what sort of girl you are, I'm just haggling over the price.
It's not the price, but the action.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 08/12/2016 15:56

Well MIL can buy the other DGD a hat of her own then can't she!

flumpybear · 08/12/2016 16:04

OP I'm with you on this one. How bloody DARE she decide how your child's clothes are being handled - cheeky cow!!! Her looking after your child has no relevance either - she lied and she then tried to cover her tracks by bringing in your other family members without their knowledge!
Glad your husband is going to pick it up later I hope he gives her a bit of grief as that is not her call to give away your child's clothes !!

NataliaOsipova · 08/12/2016 16:08

I posted my half written response before I read the update....that's bloody awful! Especially as she knew you'd been looking for it. If it had been something you'd left and forgotten about then maybe, just maybe you could understand her sticking it on the other child (although even that's dubious). But this is truly shocking!

Serialweightwatcher · 08/12/2016 16:09

She sounds like a control freak and it gives her pleasure to know she basically got one over on you - I don't think it matters how much the hat cost or anything else, she lied and she used it and the only reason there could be is that she thinks she can - not right at all, however much child care she provides ... why do some people think they have the right to take the piss - cost has nothing to do with it - it's blatant rudeness

Arfarfanarf · 08/12/2016 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EweAreHere · 08/12/2016 16:11

You need to talk to your DH.

Your MIL has been sneaky, lied and stolen something from a CHILD to give to her other granddaughter. This is wrong, period. Her 'excuse' that she feels your daughter has more than the other girl is irrelevant. If she really and truly feels that way, she can spend HER money and time finding and buying things for the girl. She has no business taking your things.

IamWendy · 08/12/2016 16:11

I'm also a bit Hmm at the idea that mil is doing the op a huge favour. Op doesn't have to let mil have her for the day, by doing so mil gets regular one on one quality time with her dgd, but if she didn't have then mil would want to see dgd during family time, precious time which op may not want to give up.

Bogeyface · 08/12/2016 16:15

Unilaterally deciding that one child deserves an item belonging to another child, paid for by their parent, is not on and I am amazed that people still think the OP is BU after the update!

She isnt mortified that she did it but mortified that she got caught, and if I was the BIL & SIL I would be angry and embarrassed and the MIL would get both barrels.

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