To think that HV would NOT have said THIS to me if......

[idrinkstraightwhiskey]

I was an 18 year old single mother in a council flat?

HV came when DS turned 4 months old to discuss weaning. She said government recommendations are 6 months old now. I told her that I had already tried him with some Ella's kitchen carrots/ parsnips etc and he had liked them (FYI I fed them to him for a few days then stopped as he didn't seem bothered and now just back on 100% milk diet). She replied "well you are a responsible parent anyway".

How does she know that? I am 33, this is second child. We live in nice house/ area.

AIBU to feel judged by this woman? For all she knows I could be a raving loony! Could her advice/ opinions be swayed by her perceptions of us?

Don't you think that perhaps since you have a child already and have done it all before may be the reason?

Are you really looking for an issue with something the woman helping you didn't say

Of course they are swayed by her perception of you. That's part of her job. Working out who needs the most support, who is going ok.

But she did say it. She said I was responsible when I did something that clearly goes against her/ government advice.

You feel judged because she called you a responsible parent?

Are you a responsible parent?

Yes I do feel judged.

I was an 18 year old single mother in a council flat?

I love the idea that you think 18 year old single mothers get council flats. Do you get the Daily Mil delivered or just read it on line?

Perhaps because there has never been any issues with DC1 she said you are a responsible parent.

I really don't get your point..

Btw I was 19 when I was pregnant with DC 1 in a full time job and a home for said child before TTC.

Never felt judged by any HCP.

Also because when had DS1 was an 18 yo single mother in council flat... and HV was not nearly as pleasant to me then...

I work with teenage mums. My current person is 15. I frequently tell them they are great/responsible/caring mums. It's a psychological trick. People tend to live up to good expectations and down to bad ones.

You feel judged because she judged you positively?

FFS OP.

They HAVE to make judgements. They look around, the look at your home...they judge whether you're educated or not. They judge whether you're articulate...or whether you might have difficulties understanding instructions.

They judge your cleanliness and your care for your child.

You were judged positively.

Are you judging '18 year old single mothers in a council flat?'

I'm not sure I get the AIBU to be honest. Did she get something wrong? Did she correctly read the signals? Form an opinion based on her professional experience?

Didn't she just 'do her job'?

YABU, you are a responsible parent, and so is an eighteen year old single parent.... every parent is responsible for their own children.

I'd say she was trying to be polite and show you respect and that she has confidence in your abilities. Her role is to provide information to you not stand by with a stick ensuring you follow it.
Health visitors do actually want you to engage with the service to keep up important developmental screens and provide up to date information to you.

Well if you don't realise that it's part of a health visitors job to ensure that people are being reasonable parents there's not much anyone can say.

Fwiw, if she had said you are an irresponsible parent you might have had a just concern. The majority of parents are responsible imo. It sounds like she was just saying that despite the fact you are going against guidelines you are doing a good job, carry on.

Unless you think she was being sarcastic?

I didn't realise anyone got a home visit from a HV to discuss weaning

It's human nature to make judgements about other people. Part of the judgement the HV made about you could well have been influenced by things like your age, your area, your house, and you having an older child already.

Would you have preferred it if she'd given you a good telling off for trying puréed food on your baby before 6 months?

Yes I do know that is what HVs do but this is 1st time she ever met me, I tell her I am going against advice and she says I'm responsible! Just irked me TBH.

I didn't realise anyone got a home visit from a HV to discuss weaning

These are normal where I live, I got offered home visits to discuss weaning with DC1 and DC2 when they were about 4 months.

Little bit of a drip feed there, OP, regarding the relevant fact you have been an 18 year old single mother in a council flat.

Anyway, YABU.

So your Cross because Yu wanted her to be Cross at you for trying then stopping solids? Really?

At that point I hadn't stopped the solids he was still having them but has stopped since.

So your Cross she did scold you even though you knew the recomdations and chose to go agains them?

She probably has many other women who she is more concerned about

Of course she made a judgement. That is part of her job. she will have taken all kinds of things into consideration.
Can't believe you are complaining about someone noticing that you seem to be a responsible parent.