To think that HV would NOT have said THIS to me if......

[idrinkstraightwhiskey]

I was an 18 year old single mother in a council flat?

HV came when DS turned 4 months old to discuss weaning. She said government recommendations are 6 months old now. I told her that I had already tried him with some Ella's kitchen carrots/ parsnips etc and he had liked them (FYI I fed them to him for a few days then stopped as he didn't seem bothered and now just back on 100% milk diet). She replied "well you are a responsible parent anyway".

How does she know that? I am 33, this is second child. We live in nice house/ area.

AIBU to feel judged by this woman? For all she knows I could be a raving loony! Could her advice/ opinions be swayed by her perceptions of us?

Hand on heart, were you wanting her to negatively judge you so that you could be all outraged and tell her that you live in a nice house and a nice area and feed your child gluten free food? Then when she was nice to you, it scuppered your plan so you got pissed off about that instead.

Also, you can't berate people for judging you as an 18 year old in a council flat. Why should they assume that you are a model parent, when the vast majority of parents in that situation struggle?

There's some right twunts on here. But some empathetic people aswell. Thank you xxxxx

Good grief I've heard it all

After being initially at the OP, I read the OP as feeling retrospectively judged by midwife no 1 at age 18, rather than being upset by current midwife.

Which is understandable. Current positive experience flags up just how shittily she was treated when she was younger and (probably) more vulnerable.

Is that right?

Their job is to make a judgement. She saw nothing to concern her.

Your issue is that yiu felt judged by your first HV purely because of your age and living set up. Not because of you.

This HV did nothing wrong. It's simply brought back old feelings.

Glad I'm not a HV.

"Midwife" = HV (d'oh!)

Health Visitors are not mind readers. They can only go on what they see and what they're told (by you or other HCP).

If you had 30 cats in your kitchen or 3 huge snarling dogs, shit all over the floor, your other DC wearing a dirty nappy and a shopping trolley in your front garden then she'd hopefully offer you more support.

If you sat in your naice middle class house, not a germ in sight with an army of support to help you cook and clean but you told her you'd had dark thoughts and struggled to love your baby she would hopefully offer the same level of support.

Depending on her experience as a HV and possibly a parent she might concur that your baby would benefit from puree (not solids!) at 4 months but not be able to say so in so many words.

What a ridiculous post. What exactly did you want from her. A cake with some bunting around it???

Exactly what Olympia said - it's advice not the law. And goodness me she might just have worked out that the advice has changed from when you had your first child. Being a responsible parent covers the whole thing, not just feeding. YABU.

I do understand what you mean but still think YABU and that how you feel about a nice and meant-to-be-supportive remark says more about you feeling defensive than about the HV 'judging' you.
And FWIW, we all 'judge' all the time and yes, it is a HV's job to make judgements.

Wrt weaning advice: it's that - advice, not tablets of stone.
If you had weaned your baby on IrnBru and Gregg's sausage rolls - well, different matter

HVs can often come across as bulls in a china shop and there is certainly room for improvement in how many of them speak to women who have just given birth and therefore at a vulnerable tome in their lives, but I do feel for this poor woman - you seem to be looking for something to take offense at.
It is part of her job to guage whether you and your baby need additional support. That kind of involves making judgements. She wasn't unkind to you or rude. She simply felt that as an experienced mum, you are capable of caring for your own baby and know what is best.
A first time mum might want/need a bit more guidance.

Not had a baby for a long time now but surely the 6 month weaning thing is advice, not law and takes into account that not all babies are the same. Mine were weaned at 4 months iirc as I think that was the advice back then and they all seem fine. I expect HVs would be more concerned if there were other elements of your home life whoch implied you didn't know ehat you were doing and needed her help.

YABU. Her job is to assess whether people have the capacity to make responsible decisions, weigh up the pros and cons and make sound judgements. She thought you had capacity and we're making decisions in the best interests of your child.

I don't know what offends you about this. As a HCP I can guarantee that it has nothing to do with where you live. It is everything about your ability to rationalise and make sound decisions on behalf of your baby. Some people can't do that but it won't be because of where they live, I can assure you.

I had my first at 17 and apart from the birth when I feel I was treated badly and dismissed because of my age , had no problems with health visitors attitudes etc. although she came round a fair bit!
Had last at 37 and told midwife on one of her early visits that I would be making bottles on advance and keeping them in the fridge as I had done previously as the new guidelines were a fucking nightmare, she just said they could only inform me of the new guidelines, very few babies were at risk of being affected/ made ill, and it was totally up to me as a responsible parent I think it's a stock response

I would say she is a nice, sensible health visitor who understands that guidelines are just that, guidelines, and don’t always need to be followed 100% She knows you have already raised one child and trusts you to successfully feed and raise the second. She is allowing you to parent how you feel is right for your child. You weren’t judged, you were being commended for being a good parent.

Just because its government advice doesn't mean its right or she agrees with it.

Or perhaps you were responsible for having tried solids and then gone back.

I think actually they do recognise that sometimes breastfed babies do need to start weaning from 4 months. I think the guidelines changed a couple of years ago on that, so her advice was fine.

Are you sure it's her with the prejudice against young single mums, because the only person displaying any evidence of that is you. I'd give her a break tbh.

Rent where have you heard that from? Could you provide a link?

FarOldBag I have never heard that one before! Speaking as a mum to a 10 month old breastfed baby. Why would you need to wean a breastfed baby earlier? Could you link to the guidelines you refer to?

Thanks for posts xxx I'm off to spend the day with this monkey xxx

Oooh, cute as a button! Enjoy!

ZZZZ1111 I saw it on the news a good few years ago. I'd weaned dd at 4 months against the advice as it was then, then a year or so later I was watching breakfast news when the story came up and I thought "yay I knew it". I'd have to google to find any references to that now.