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Original poster

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

965 replies

BearProblems · 07/12/2016 17:12

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
33
qazxc · 08/12/2016 08:57

Maybe bear should go on a gap year.

RentANDBills · 08/12/2016 08:57

I think the couple bear thing is cute.

The ex is the butter here. Sounds like that's been sorted.

Great thread, OP!

Poppypoochischristmascrackered · 08/12/2016 09:00

I'm worried about Kevin, where is Kevin, does nobody care Sad he could be trapped in the washing machine filter with all the odd socks 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

formerbabe · 08/12/2016 09:01

I think the couple bear thing is cute.

It's not. It's vomit inducing.

SquirrelPaws · 08/12/2016 09:07

The couple bear thing is cute while you're in a relationship. My ex had a large stuffed animal (not a bear) who would often be found cuddling my stuffed animal (equally not a bear.) I made Valentine cards and so on, with representations of the two of them. Now we have separated, I don't give a shiny shite what his animal is up to, and I now have a DD who has my animal in a large furry heap with a load of her own. Silly things are part of the glue of a relationship. That glue should be treated with a strong solvent when the relationship ends.

ProfessorBranestawm · 08/12/2016 09:23

Yes, I have been sucked into the Bear nonsense, but I think that's relatively normal within a relationship.

Yeah, no it really isn't.

And I say that as someone with a love of cuddly toys.

I'm going to have nightmares about duck heads now

WritersBlockk · 08/12/2016 09:40

Honestly OP I would dump someone over this. It's such a massive massive turn off. The fact he and his ex are meeting up and sharing an inanimate object is beyond the pale- I could only tolerate this behaviour in six year olds or under. How can you ever become aroused by this man? Seriously? The whole situation would turn my stomach.

Wookiecookies · 08/12/2016 09:42

This is truly the most bizarre thread yet. I think the bear needs to 'dissapear' in a tragic accident. Problem solved.
personally I would just save myself the bother and LT pathetic B

stumblymonkey · 08/12/2016 09:45

I can't believe I just put working on hold to read this whole thread. It was worth it for the sick update though!

I also think the Bear is awesome and will be checking in the New Year for the photoshoot Grin

PS: The ex taking Bear on holidays does have to stop though. That crosses the line from 'sweetly eccentric' to 'genuinely nuts'

LairyFightsAndPiggyFudding · 08/12/2016 09:57

This is the craziest thread I have ever read. Ever.

I would love to be a fly on your wall op. You have a weird life x

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?
LairyFightsAndPiggyFudding · 08/12/2016 10:00

I really can't work out who's in the wrong or who is the worst perpetrator here.

But his ex is the weirdest ex. Ever.

ColourfulOrangex · 08/12/2016 10:19

Wow

MerryMarigold · 08/12/2016 10:44

I want a proper psychoanalysts interpretation of all this. Almost makes me want to study psychology!

I think Bear is an extension of DP (to him), a part of him. No wonder the ex is clinging on to it. No wonder he is upset at people taking the mick out of Bear on the internet. It's a little bit disturbing how much of himself he has put into the teddy, so if you give it to Dd and she loses it or spills hot chocolate on it, or leaves it under her bed to become an infestation of dust mites, I don't know how well he will handle it. I think the time for separating himself from Bear is upon you. There will be grieving (genuinely) but it's not hugely mentally healthy.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 08/12/2016 10:53

Hahahahahaha!

Hully?

BadgerIt · 08/12/2016 10:58

it was all unbearably awkward Grin

Original poster
BearProblems · 08/12/2016 11:06

Badger, well spotted! I only noticed that long after I'd posted it, so it was too late to pretend it was intentional.

OP posts:
mortificado · 08/12/2016 11:06

Is he mr bean?! Confused

Original poster
BearProblems · 08/12/2016 11:20

I can see why several PP have an image of DP as some Mr Bean character but he's nothing like that. He's a chunky, hairy, real ale-drinking sporty bloke who does a tough physical job and no one would guess he has this whole Bear thing going on. He's honestly really manly and terribly sexy.

OP posts:
WingsofNylon · 08/12/2016 11:26

This thread has brought me so much joy. I've chuckled, sniggered and cackled. Bear can you be my new best friend? I feel like life would never be full with you in it.

Heyheyheygoodbye · 08/12/2016 11:30

I love you, OP 🐻

CanuckBC · 08/12/2016 11:35

This thread was too much! Is just kept giving and giving:)

I think the fact your "D"P is getting upset and not in a joking way says a lot. It's a cute thing you guys have going with it as an inside family thing but the fact he has had this with two lovers/partners is a bit weird and over the top. That he shares custody is plain old fucked up.

It's not as cute as when you see he is more than slightly obsessed with it, it's beyond play with him. I get the background but at some point we all have something of significance from a first love that we left in some way or another. Most of the time we either keep it with fond memories or we give it away to a charity, young child or whatever is appropriate due to the memories. As a whole the item isn't kept and obsessed over and shared with future OH u less it's a practical item, ie a couch or a pot or similar.

It's 3 am here and I fell asleep reading this and woke up at 2 and can't fall asleep now. I am probably babbling on so I will stop here! lol. Have a good day allXmas Smile

TinaBacon · 08/12/2016 11:36

It's a little bit disturbing how much of himself he has put into the teddy

Arf.

BadToTheBone · 08/12/2016 11:37

I'm not really bothered about a man and his bear, although I'm glad Dh doesn't have one. However, this type link to his ex is just fucking weird.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/12/2016 11:49

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs

That's my day madeGrin

kali110 · 08/12/2016 11:55

I don't
Think him having the bear is a problem. It doesn't matter where it came from, i have a toy from an ex, that i kept. I haven't kept it because i have fond memories of the ex, simply because it's one of the few cuddly toys i own and i love it!
I wouldn't give it away or to anyone.
I wouldn't buy it clothes, give it a voice or invent a life for it though Confused
If op and her dp want to make a little family then it's not harming anyone ( i may find it slightly weird but then i'm sure my dh and i do things that people think Are weird, sure we all have our quirks!)
What needs to stop is the whole shared custody!
This is just not right! The ex is holding onto a part of your dp.
He didn't tell her about you guys moving into together,does she think there's still a chance for the two of them?
Yes it was a nice thing to do at first but now it needs to stop.
You and him are a family.
The ex is not part of this anymore.
Your dp needs to put a stop to this.
You need to think why he keeps this going op, seriously.

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