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Original poster

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?

965 replies

BearProblems · 07/12/2016 17:12

DP and I have been together 2 and a half years. We live together and have a DC. A few months before we got together, DP had split with his ex, who he'd been with for over a decade. Their split was amicable but they've hardly had any contact since. She seems to be a perfectly nice person. They have no DCs.

When DP moved in, over a year ago, his ex came to my house to collect Bear who was going "on holiday" with her. DP hadn't warned me this was happening, and I was just expecting her to drop some of DP's stuff off. DP did the handing over but it was all unbearably awkward. DP hadn't told her that he was moving in with me (we have known each other vaguely for years) so she couldn't have been expecting the new girlfriend to be a witness to this nonsense. He didn't tell her because he was hardly in touch with her and was (like a total coward) hoping someone else would tell her so he wouldn't have to. Anyway, I thought that was the end of it and she would be too embarrassed to ask for Bear again.

Today DP and I went out for a nice lunch together and, over the pudding, he mentioned, very awkwardly, that he was going out this evening... taking Bear, who is off on his Christmas holidays. He will drop Bear off with ex before meeting friends to play darts. He'll be gone a couple of hours in all.

I am 100% certain there is nothing going on with DP and his ex (or anyone else for that matter) but this has made me feel incredibly weird and uncomfortable and actually a bit insecure.

He made this arrangement with his ex and didn't tell me until a few hours before the arranged drop off. I know full well the reason he didn't tell me was because he was embarrassed about it (and rightly so!) but still, it seems disloyal to arrange things with an ex and not tell me.

And then there's the fact that it's so fucking weird! I can see, when she asked if she could have Bear for Christmas, he felt he couldn't object without seeming mean and petty or making me out to be some suspicious psycho (he knows I wasn't totally happy about the last time). He's a bit of a coward who hates conflict but also a kind man who doesn't want to hurt anyone unnecessarily.

I don't know what bothers me about it so much. I had been planning to get Bear a Christmas stocking - lucky I'm not sufficiently organised to have done anything about it yet. (I think this sort of stupid infantilism about DP's bear is fine within the confines of a romantic relationship but outside of one, it's just a bit creepy).

Sorry this is so long. It's so bloody ludicrous it was hardly worth writing let alone reading!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
33
ButterfliesRfree · 08/12/2016 03:03

Lol

Igot99problemsbutabearaintone · 08/12/2016 04:06

This is a thread about custody of a 20-year old bear, FFS - anyone taking this as seriously as the OP, DP and ex needs their head read.

Shock bear business is most serious business!!

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?
Rubberubberduckduck · 08/12/2016 04:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EnidButton · 08/12/2016 05:36

.

..to be upset that DP shares custody of his teddy bear with his ex?
RueDeDay · 08/12/2016 05:46

I get the feeling from the OP's posts that the bear isn't a comforter for her DP (which would be weird) but more of an long running in-joke for him and his group of friends which has kind of taken on its own momentum.

An ex and I had a similar thing with a toilet roll insert (one particular one!) which we hid around the house whenever one of us left for a night or more. It was stupid but really really funny, in the context of that relationship. I can see how a bear could be the same, but I suspect the banter is with his wider group of friends too.

yellowpostitnote · 08/12/2016 06:06

From Wikipedia:

"Adults will take comfort objects away on business trips to remind them of home. According to a 2011 survey by Travelodge, about 35 percent of British adults still sleep with a teddy bear.[11]"

Bear - (relatively) normal.

Sharing with ex - teddy boiler.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 08/12/2016 06:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/12/2016 06:20

I'd love to know what the ex ex girlfriend - the one who created the madness - would make of it all

I think we should all club together and hire a PI to find her. Then she can demand custody rights and ops DP will be in even more of a dilemma. Or doesn't he feel guilty about that relationship ending?

A three way custody battle. Now that would be a challenge. Thank god he's finally seeing sense op. This is madness.

Jojojo1701 · 08/12/2016 06:31

I've loved reading this post. I also have a teddy bear that I've had since birth and so do my dd's . We go on holiday at the weekend and my mum has knitted them all jumpers and hats and scarves to keep them warm. I take sooty on holiday every year. He's seen some amazing places. Even met the real santa in lapland. I don't think I'm weird but I would draw the line on custody with a ex 😁

Original poster
BearProblems · 08/12/2016 06:46

Some more background on Bear: He was given to DP by his first proper GF as a parting gift (DP was going to Uni and they weren't going to see each other any more). So it does have more significance than just a regular gift during the course of a regular relationship. He doesn't hold a torch for the original GF but obviously his relationship with her was important and Bear came along at an important time in his life.

Bear's DP is my bear who I've had since I was 11 or 12. I fished her out of DD1's bed to introduce her to Bear when he came to stay, because I am a normal person (despite appearances!) and had given my childhood bear to my DD when she arrived.

Kevin was a corporate gift from work. He was just the right size to be the baby of Bear and my bear. He looks a bit like his father (i.e. a generic bear). Neither my bear nor Kevin have any clothes, although my bear has been known to borrow a dress from DD1's bear occasionally.

Obviously, I am not going to harm any bears! I know they are just soft toys and not real animals, but I couldn't do it.

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs.

OP posts:
hefzi · 08/12/2016 06:54

This thread is why I love MN. When I m worried about whether I'm a barmy mentalist, there will always be a thread like this to reassure me I'm tediously normal. And I say this as a frequent flyer with the involuntary side of psych wards Grin

I say this also as a bear owner of 40 years. He does travel with me, but what he doesn't do is talk (with or without a cutesy accent), wear clothes (because he's well, a bear) and previous DP s have not been expected to interact with him. You're all colluding in this insanity, OP, disengage now!

PerpendicularVincent · 08/12/2016 06:59

I'm in shock that bear has had sex

TheDowagerCuntess · 08/12/2016 07:00

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs.

😂

You're fab, OP.

saffronwblue · 08/12/2016 07:02

When they have made a hit movie about the custody battle, they can go back and do a less interesting prequel about the original girlfriend and the giving of the Bear.

moreslackthanslick · 08/12/2016 07:08

I love you OP 😂😂😂

Grindelwaldswand · 08/12/2016 07:31

All three of you sound mentally damaged and mentally immature! I feel sorry for the child you had with this man, i bet this bear gets more attention than he does

Redglitter · 08/12/2016 07:34

This thread is just getting weirder and weirder. Still not sure why the ex isn't told to sling her hook when she comes to take the bloody bear on holiday

Catzpyjamas · 08/12/2016 07:43

I have had my own bear since an ex gave me him 20+ years ago. (He doesn't speak and has no wardrobe though.)

So I have some empathy with bear keepers.

But duck killers?! Shock

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs.

GetOutMyCar · 08/12/2016 07:44

Why does Bear get all the gear, the holidays and days out, while his DP and child stay home with nothing but the occassional borrowed clothes?

Natsku · 08/12/2016 08:00

Having said that, I once cut the head off a toy duck and put it in the fridge, but it was a long time ago and I was on drugs

I am so glad I read this thread to the end Grin

ThereIsOneRoomLeft · 08/12/2016 08:12

Having read thread from top to bottom (and knowing another ex couple with a teddy couple)...I think your DP sounds rather sweet. I think you sound nice too. Who gives a monkey's what everyone thinks? As for ex gf and visitation rights, agree that should be knocked on the head, more about her prolonging contact with your DP who now has you and a dc...time for her to move on and make a life of her own, sweet of your DP handing over bear to help her...but its not really healthy to enable her to keep thinking she maybe has a chance with him.

What you do in your own four walls is up to you. I can think of worse things...like being on drugs and cutting off toy ducks heads and leaving in the fridge...

pithivier · 08/12/2016 08:40

Ok, I don't know if this is going to frighten you or reassure you OP.

My DH, long past retirement age, has a stuffed toy. His working life took him and the toy all over the world, mostly to war zones . The toy has visited many major cities of the world, been on holiday, stag do's and weddings, with photos to document its travels. Our kids take delight in buying it inappropriate outfits,and gifts, ranging from a ballet dress, a biker outfit, bullet proof vest, contracetives and an SM outfit.

Temporaryname137 · 08/12/2016 08:40

My ex was a bit like this. He fell in love with a dog that I had (a sort of cuddly terrier doorstop that a friend gave me) and Dog became a big feature of our fucked-up relationship.

Along with about 137 other inanimate animals. At the time it seemed funny/cute. Funny what infatuation will blind you to, eh??

Temporaryname137 · 08/12/2016 08:41

Hang on, reading that back, it sounds a bit unfortunate - just to clarify, there was nothing sexual about it (or our relationship for most of the time, come to that!!) Grin

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 08/12/2016 08:54

This thread just gets better and better. And no, this post isn't shameless placeholding for any updates, honest ;)

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