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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder why it's always a woman's job...

82 replies

Sunonagreyday · 06/12/2016 21:31

To write the Christmas cards. Just received ours from my DDad, a 'to my daughter at Christmas' card, except it doesn't really feel from him, since it's written by his OH. They have been together some time and she is lovely but we don't really know each other since I was pretty much an adult already when they met. I just feel it loses some of the sentiment...it's like we are now deemed her responsibility and she also selects any birthday and Christmas presents, it feels weird to me, like my dad can't really be bothered, I mean how long does it take to write on the card. AIBU?

OP posts:
watchingthedetectives · 06/12/2016 21:33

It's not in our house. If it were left to me we wouldn't be sending cards!

MissWillaCather · 06/12/2016 21:34

YANBU

I have liberated myself: have written my two family cards and told h he can do his.

Feels goooood!

baconandeggies · 06/12/2016 21:35

Whaaat? News to me and I think that's a bit weird - does she wait on him and and foot otherwise?

In our house I do my family & friends' cards, and DH does his own..

christmasmiracle · 06/12/2016 21:35

Because no one can read my dh's writing.....

golfbuggy · 06/12/2016 21:35

I only write one card - to my parents. The issue is your dad, not the whole of the male species!

m0therofdragons · 06/12/2016 21:35

Huh? Dh writes his and I write mine. Dm writes hers and df writes his, always have done. What you describe is really weird to me. Dh did write mine one year when my twins were tiny and I was feeling overwhelmed and unable to do more. He got us a cleaner, wrote my cards and wrapped my presents for my family. I love that man!

baconandeggies · 06/12/2016 21:35

*hand

ShowMePotatoSalad · 06/12/2016 21:36

I always feel an obligation and duty to write cards and get gifts sorted. It's annoying but then again I think "what if we lived in a world where nobody exchanged gifts and presents". Maybe we'd all be happier, less stressed, and better off. But at the same time it's the "done thing" and I don't think it's fair for one person in a partnership or marriage to absolve themselves of any responsibilities at Christmas.

I've drawn the line at writing cards for DH's family though. He should be doing that himself and I know they would want it to come from him. He forgot his grandma's birthday recently. And also I will have to sort out our niece's and nephew's presents (his side of the family) as otherwise he just won't do it...but I couldn't let them miss out.

WritersBlockk · 06/12/2016 21:36

YANBU it's things like cards that rally meant a lot to me when my grandparents passed away. I love looking at their handwriting.

Heirhelp · 06/12/2016 21:36

We each write our own and I do hardly any. DH Writes them for the neighbours.

Boolovessulley · 06/12/2016 21:37

I think there's a lot of pressure placed on women to make everything perfect at Christmas.

Men On the other hand are almost expected to sit back and do nothing , with the exception of running around on Christmas Eve buying everything last minute.

As for your birthday, I've no idea why your dad doesn't buy and choose your present, it's very impersonal.

SleepFreeZone · 06/12/2016 21:37

OH does the cards to his mum and dad. He also buys their presents. I do the other stuff as its all to my family and friends.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 06/12/2016 21:38

Writers that is lovely. I never thought of doing that. I'll have some from my grandma before she passed away that I can look at. Smile

ThomasHardyPerennial · 06/12/2016 21:43

We write our own, and work on a present list together. I do the wrapping though - I used to work in a gift shop and like doing it!

My parents always did their own cards too.

Original poster
Sunonagreyday · 06/12/2016 21:44

Well on the one hand I'm relieved I'm not the only one to find it odd! I thought it might just be my dad but my FIL and MIL are similar (only it's less obvious as they're still together IYSWIM). Me and DH have always divided card / present buying, each buying for our own family/friends with a bit of input from the other. On the other hand it's a bit upsetting my DDad can't be bothered, though not one of those things you could ever mention, and not like it's the worst problem in the world I suppose!

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 06/12/2016 21:44

We all do our own here, and was brought up this way.
No way would dh step parents write the card, it would always be the parent.
Parent always chose and bought presents too.
My dh still writes his own cards and the dc do too,
Nobody male or female sits back and watches others do all the work, we are a family we work together.
Sorry OP, but that doesn't sound right or normal. Thanks

KatharinaRosalie · 06/12/2016 21:50

Wifework.

I think MIL initially assumed I will be taking over..well, starting.. the card writing to DHs side of the family. I decided that um, no. If he managed to write them before me, he can continue. If he didn't, I don't see a reason to suddenly start.

So far, everybody has survived.

ememem84 · 06/12/2016 21:56

Agree. Wifework. I buy Christmas cards. This year I've bought a pack of 12. I've written mine. Dh knows where they are if he wants to write his.

It'll go like this "where are the cards?" " on the table/wherever they are" "great thanks I need to send to x y and z" 2 days before Christmas "did you send cards to x y and z?"

He still hasn't done our wedding thank you cards for his family. I did mine within a month.

OhTheRoses · 06/12/2016 21:56

I don't think my dh sent a Christmas or birthday card before he met me. Ooh about 28 years ago. Because my grandma and mother did it I just assumed it.

I also buy the gifts and organise all the cards for his employees - he has "sort of partners" but if we didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. I quite enjoy it. I also work full-time and think of it as team work rather than wifework.

lastqueenofscotland · 06/12/2016 22:01

I got thanked for the lovely card from me and mr queen today....
I didn't even know we had any Xmas Blush

228agreenend · 06/12/2016 22:04

The only one dh writes are the ones to his work colleagues, and this year he hasn't even done that, and taken a large box of biscuits in instead.

Mindtrope · 06/12/2016 22:08

I write my OHs cards.

He is dyslexic and he can't even read his own writing, never mind expecting someone else to.

Kiwiinkits · 06/12/2016 22:09

Christmas Cards are a thing of the past. Who can be bothered. Really.

RaeSkywalker · 06/12/2016 22:09

I buy the cards here. DH is disorganised so it stresses me out waiting for him to sort it at the last minute. Plus, it costs us more when he does a mad dash (I can look around for options to suit our budget). I don't think this necessarily a woman thing, more a personality type thing. Though women are typically conditioned to care more about things like this than men.

Kiwiinkits · 06/12/2016 22:10

When my DH says "what are we getting for [his nephews]?" I just shrug.

Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

Happy to wrap his gifts (he sucks at it) but I'm not responsible for choosing them or arranging them. Why should I be?