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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are you feeding him?

122 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 06/12/2016 10:02

Lady in the queue at supermarket asked how old my 6 week DS was, then asked "are you feeding him".

AIBU to think this is a stupid question! Of course I am feeding the baby, he wouldn't have survived the last 6 weeks if I wasn't!

I assumed she meant am I breastfeeding him- but then why is this relevant or any of her business? I don't ask an adult I first meet what they eat, why the interest in what my 6 week old baby eats?

OP posts:

Gottagetmoving · 06/12/2016 14:16

Reading your post I'd have to say follow your own advice

Why is that then? I don't get all huffy when someone shows an interest and asks questions about my baby and become so outraged I have to vent on a forum.
It wasn't advice anyway - it was more of an instruction OP ( or you) could also get offended by.

itsmine · 06/12/2016 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gottagetmoving · 06/12/2016 15:56

Well, it seems odd telling other to 'lighten up' when you sound so angry

You mistake frustration for anger... and I doubt very much you have pissed yourself, laughing or otherwise.

Feefeefs · 06/12/2016 16:40

Never specified an age Bertrand and have had service users I work with outright ask me if certain things were normal now or that they felt uncomfortable talking about it but didn't want to feel old fashioned. Actually for me the "older" generation is much older than you have presumed I wouldn't dare to call someone in their 60s the older generation.

I think people in general are just trying to be kind and we all stick our foot in our mouth at times easier to try and forget something that was unlikely to have been meant offensively.

itsmine · 06/12/2016 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Aliveinwanderland · 06/12/2016 18:25

I wasn't particularly offended by her question, and didn't necessarily find it rude. I find it an odd thing to ask someone!

I don't start a conversation with someone by asking about their eating habits so find it off that a complete stranger would be interested in how I am feeding my baby.

For what it is worth I am breastfeeding him and don't feel the need to defend my choice. I'm not proud of myself for feeding him this way, it's just food afterall. I do it because it's easiest for me, not because I feel I should.

I also find the question "is he good" odd! He is a 6 week old baby, how do you define good?! To me he seems typical of a baby of his age. Not good or bad, just himself!

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 06/12/2016 18:41

I also find the question "is he good" odd! He is a 6 week old baby, how do you define good?! To me he seems typical of a baby of his age. Not good or bad, just himself!

At that age, it just means, does he eat/sleep well?

She's not asking about his moral character.

It's no wonder the art of conversation is dying and ppl increasingly prefer safety in their iphones if even the most innocuous conversation starters are going to get pulled apart.

MrBloomIsActuallyAttractive · 06/12/2016 18:42

I got asked by a stranger if I was breastfeeding my daughter(I fed about 4 times before she ended up tube fed), she was about 6 weeks old, I had huge guilt for not breastfeeding, PND and my uncle had just died. I was upset. I broke down in tears sobbing. It sounds so silly but I just couldn't help it.

itsmine · 06/12/2016 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

limitedperiodonly · 06/12/2016 19:10

At that age, it just means, does he eat/sleep well? She's not asking about his moral character.

^^ YY. I also wonder whether people on MN really come out with all these sassy comments or it's l'esprit de l'escalier talking.

Batteriesallgone · 06/12/2016 19:24

I also find the 'good' question odd. Because if they aren't sleeping / eating well, there could be a problem with the child. A first time mum with a 6wk old 'screamer' could well be walking round with an undiagnosed reflux baby, be totally at their end, and the seemingly 'innocent' question could cause tears.

When I had a baby my FIL said to me 'now you need to get really, really good at ignoring other people. including us!' so true

MrsA2015 · 06/12/2016 19:33

Lol reminds me of the string of questions I was asked today on the bus by a lady who has a granddaughter a day younger than ny DD

Can she walk?
When did she walk?
How long did she crawl for?
How many teeth does she have?
Does she talk much?

Only to then tell me her granddaughter does none of those things so perhaps she was worried. Guess I'll never know, she was pleasant enough about it all though and lovely to have a chat with

JaniceBattersby · 06/12/2016 19:49

Again, "is she good?" just means exactly that. Does he or she sleep/ feed well? Because that's all babies do. When my eldest was a newborn I positively loved that question because I was on the raggedy edge TBH, and he was such an incredibly difficult baby. It made me feel better when I could say 'nope' and the questioner would pipe up with their own experience of their colicky / grumpy / non-sleeping baby.

Honestly, I don't know what questions people are actually allowed to ask about babies these days without being accused of being interfering or nosey.

"Is it a boy?"

"Yes."

Tanknspank · 06/12/2016 19:57

I think people just get a bit giddy when they see a baby

I really struggled to bf dd, ended up in tears with one and bleeding nipples. But I persevered (the one made me feel too guilty to stop!) and bf her for a year. Currently bf ds who is a lot easier.

My 84 year old father feels the need to introduce me to his friends (or random strangers) as 'she breastfeeds him/her you know' with pride.

It's odd as hell but I know he means well.

Tanknspank · 06/12/2016 19:57

The 'one'? PND

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 06/12/2016 19:59

"Erm..... he has nice hair." End of awkward conversation

For Gawd's sake, don't say that!

Doubtless someone will read into that the implication, "he has nice hair... and an ugly face/big ears, etc, etc."

Silence is golden.

lborgia · 06/12/2016 20:23

One particular job I had from ds2 being 8 months old, I was manager for a Christian centre... for the entire 18 months, people would come in and within a moment would say "what have you done with your children today?" Complete with DM sad face.

Generally I explained that they were at nursery, which the children adored, but towards the end I started saying "I've locked them in the bathroom with some snacks, they'll be fine, they've got fresh water and a toilet". They stopped asking.

I'm surprised I lasted that long tbh.

Catsize · 06/12/2016 22:45

Also hated the 'is he good?' question. But then I had a baby who cried All. The. Time. And he woke every 30mins at night. But I thought he was pretty cool and could not bring myself to say 'no, he is not good; he is bad', because that was the implication. Horrible expression. Bleugh.

BertieBotts · 06/12/2016 22:56

Yes, I think I disliked the "is he good" question because what they're really asking is "Is he easy?"

But as a new mum who read everything into everything I just heard "Is he bad, because if he's bad you're doing something wrong, you must train him you know" which got me all defensive because this was my little perfect baby, so helpless and tiny and dependent.

Bonkers really They just want to express some sympathy if you're struggling/having a hard time with the demands of a newborn but you're not allowed to ask a new mum if she's struggling, even if that's the question they really mean. Which is silly. Because you should.

limitedperiodonly · 06/12/2016 22:56

My 84 year old father feels the need to introduce me to his friends (or random strangers) as 'she breastfeeds him/her you know' with pride. It's odd as hell but I know he means well.

You've put it well Tanknspank. I expect he admires you for doing something damn hard that he literally couldn't do.

If my dad was still alive, he'd have been 98 this year. He pushed my pram with pride.

Imchangingmyname · 07/12/2016 07:00

My 84 year old father feels the need to introduce me to his friends (or random strangers) as 'she breastfeeds him/her you know' with pride. It's odd as hell but I know he means well.

My dad is the same, a little younger but same generation. With my first I was self conscious about bf in front of family etc but he was super proud of me for it which I thought was kind of lovely. FIL on the other hand left the room every time I fed

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 07/12/2016 07:27

hawaii that's better than my response, which was usually, "no I'm letting him starve."

BathshebaSnowflakeStone · 07/12/2016 07:37

Am I being thick? your poor husband. What does that even mean?

UnbornMortificado · 07/12/2016 07:45

Bath I'm guessing damage to the op's nether region.

My sister was 11lb I remember someone jokingly saying similar to my mam.

Batteriesallgone · 07/12/2016 08:01

Bath I would guess it refers to stretching to let a big baby out affecting 'tightness' during sex after which is a ridiculous myth but one which abounds.

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