Are you feeding him?

[Aliveinwanderland]

Lady in the queue at supermarket asked how old my 6 week DS was, then asked "are you feeding him".

AIBU to think this is a stupid question! Of course I am feeding the baby, he wouldn't have survived the last 6 weeks if I wasn't!

I assumed she meant am I breastfeeding him- but then why is this relevant or any of her business? I don't ask an adult I first meet what they eat, why the interest in what my 6 week old baby eats?

"I thinks sometimes with the older generation they've been told something they didn't want to know/ were surprised by/ wasn't talked about in their day by their own family and are just trying to work out how "normal" something is or how "normal" it is to talk about."

Oh, bless the poor dear over 60s trying to cope with modern life......

Ffs. It's called the art of Making Conversation. Doubt she gives a fuck if you're breastfeeding or not, I'm sure it's not playing on her mind now.

Precious.

I read OP assuming that "are you feeding him?" was a round about comment about baby's size. Ie, lady maybe perceived baby as being rather small and this was her cack handed way of making conversation.

Said to an older child, I'd think the comment could give them a complex. A baby on the other hand is unlikely to end up on the therapist's chair because some stranger made a throwaway comment when he was x weeks old.

It is just conversation. Perhaps a generational thing, I don't know. I honestly wouldn't mind another woman asking me this. Perhaps she has some advice, an anecdote, a few words of support. People are so precious and uptight these days.

People say all sorts of silly insensitive things but asking about breast feeding isn't really up there. It depends how you're feeling at the time.
It's all about context. I've had breast cancer. I met someone who'd had the same at a funeral the other day. We had a merry chat about procedures etc. However I've had some comments such as 'You'll look back on this and laugh' and 'You made such a fuss' (I didn't). That person was just a cow and meant to hurt me.

Bloody hell, some posters so touchy and uptight.

It's a new baby, she's being a bit nosy. What's the big deal?

issues like infant feeding are highly emotive as we all know

Not amongst a lot of older people. It's just a question they ask out of nosiness. Not a loaded question.

I think it's a bit of a personal question. More annoyingly for me is that i'd be asked, respond that yes I'm breastfeeding then be lectured on any breast is best. Why preach to the converted??

Op - if you are breastfeeding wait until you hit the 6 month mark. You'll then get the ' address you still breastfeeding?!!' like it's a travesty of nature.

I get people make small talk but just say 'oh isn't she cute/pretty curls etc rather than ask me about if I've had stitches/stretchmarks etc

If you can't make general chitchat with strangers at the supermarket or the bus stop without engaging some kind of basic filter between brain and mouth, then confine yourself to the weather. Or just admire the baby. 'What a cute baby' is a perfectly uncontroversial statement.

Oh gosh twin mums get such shitty comments it's unreal. I once spent the day with a twin mum when our babies were a few weeks old. People constantly asking about IVF, assuming they were caesarean (one person said oh you'll be used to people fiddling about with you, after the IVF [?! They weren't IVF!]). People commenting on how they'll never sleep, it'll only get worse as they get older etc etc. Just randoms stopping us in the street or at tills. I was fuming by the end of it and couldn't believe how fucking rude people are.

Comments about breastfeeding a singleton did rather pale in comparison after that though, which was good for my blood pressure

Yeah ... I wouldn't ask a stranger whether she is breastfeeding her child ...

It's what my mum would have said. She was much more interested in other people's babies than I am, so if you're looking for a compliment about your gorgeous baby, you'd be better off with her. If you're looking for a polite half-smile of indifference, I'm your woman.

It's a bit odd that people think breast feeding is a personal subject. I thought we were all okay about it and saw it as a normal activity to be encouraged if that's what the mother wants and is able to do.

It isn't a personal question. Asking if you are back to having sex with your partner is personal. Asking what you are feeding the baby is just another attempt to make chit chat.

To take it to heart as a judgement suggests a degree defensiveness. Do you feel you have to justify what/how you feed your baby? You don't.

A lady in Tesco once asked me "are you sure it's a boy?" - when DS1 was sitting in a baby seat in my trolley. He was blonde with blue eyes - and apparently looked like a girl .

Another personal favourite were the strangers (multiple) who would head-tilt and ask whether DS1 "has something wrong with him?" Well, yes, he has ASD and is prone to meltdowns (as a small child, not really now). Thanks for noticing .

Bit on the fence on this. I really really struggled with breastfeeding and she may have been asking to see if you were too in order that she could offer some words of comfort. Maybe.

"Oooo, good set of lungs on him..!"

"Yes, I'm the official breeder of future saxophone players."

FFS, it really shows what an intolerant and cold and unfriendly society we are becoming.
The woman did not mean to be rude. She was showing an interest.
Years ago women spoke to each other like this. It was not thought of as interfering or being nosey.
Mothers used to bond and feel they were part of a wide friendly circle. These days mothers are ready to take offence at anything that is said and see it as a criticism or an imposition.
Lighten up FFS.

I can't say it bothers me when I get questions like that. I'm a bit when people ask how much he weighed (10lbs) and people instantly ask if he was a c-section. Because apparently no one gives both naturally to 10lbs babies

What gets my goat more is people who know I'm breastfeeding saying "ooh he must be feeding all the time/are you sure you've got enough milk/are you really still breastfeeding" about my 12 week old 17lb monster of a baby (who for the record is ebf and feeds about 8 times a day). It's like they can't believe that boobs can actually do what they are meant to do (and yes I know not everyone can, but many others manage).