Are you feeding him?

[Aliveinwanderland]

Lady in the queue at supermarket asked how old my 6 week DS was, then asked "are you feeding him".

AIBU to think this is a stupid question! Of course I am feeding the baby, he wouldn't have survived the last 6 weeks if I wasn't!

I assumed she meant am I breastfeeding him- but then why is this relevant or any of her business? I don't ask an adult I first meet what they eat, why the interest in what my 6 week old baby eats?

Interesting FILs asking this question - mine did the same.

"No. I let him forage in the garden when he looks peckish."

Seems to be a thing for FIL's to ask this question!
I wonder if FIL's think they will feel awkward around their breast feeding DIL's.
and they are secretly hoping you will say ''No, I'm bottle feeding''

There must be something about supermarkets. A couple actually stopped their car in the car park, put the window down and said to me: "Your little girl looks EVER so sad!"

She's two! And she was sitting in the trolley, all excited about the cookie we were going to share on the way home. Why must people make such bizarre comments? (Even if DD does have some toddler version of resting bitch face...)

The questions, comments and 'words of advice' that random strangers come out with about our kids is hilarious!

OP - try not to get annoyed/offended etc just nod and smile and say whatever it is you think they want to hear! Asking/ commenting on how you are feeding them (breast/ bottle) was a frequent one in my experience. Being in a supermarket or café with a baby just seems to attract the little old ladies who feel the need to give their weird and wonderful opinions!!!

First baby formula fed - "Are you feeding him yourself??"
Second baby breastfed - "Christ you're not still breastfeeding!"

I wish I'd had the guts to say fuck off or "No I'm not feeding him at all..."
I don't know why people feel entitled to ask.

It's called "making conversation". People do it. It's nice. Interaction with other people is a good thing. And, incidentally, good for babies to grow up knowing that it's a good thing.

I'm odd here, obviously, but I was pleased as punch if anyone asked me 'are you feeding him yourself'. Breastfeeding was really, really hard work with both of my boys, so every time I could say, 'yes, I am!' I felt really bloody proud of myself. Best time was when an old lady came up to me feeding DS1 in a cafe, told me how lovely it was to see it being done because it was so rare, and how much she'd enjoyed feeding her three children.

I always give a reassuring smile/comment to breastfeeding mums I see out and about and have not had a bad experience yet. I do also ask (very politely) how people with new babies are feeding so I can support/encourage, regardless of feeding method. I really don't see the problem, nor do I see it as rude, and the responses I've had never indicate it has been taken badly.

Not sure what is is about FILs ...my next door neighbour (70s) got very very interested in if I was breastfeeding, and quite literally when i went to our postbox a day or two afterwards birth stopped his weeding and asked me and lectured me. Told me all about how his 2 DILs all breastfed and so on. DH just sniffed when I told him; 'He can have an opinion when he has a baby himself'.

Mind you, he is very keen to offer quite personal info - a couple of weeks ago he told me how both his sons had now 'had the snip'.

Crikey. People are generally just asking because they know that breastfeeding is sometimes really fucking hard and most people aren't expecting it to be hard. They remember how difficult it was for them so they want to offer some consolation. It's not a judgement.

The vast majority of people who ask you questions or enquirer about your baby or dare to touch your baby are just trying to be nice.

"No. He's a fat fucker like his dad."

Whenever i was asked if i was breastfeeding by a complete stranger..my reply was always "breasts are for sex and not for babies"..it usually leaves them shocked so can make a quick exit....

The number of horrendous comments and questions I've had since the birth of my twins is astonishing!
'Did you have IVF then?'
No.
'Were you struggling to conceive before you had IVF?'
Again,,I didn't have IVF.
'That's my worst nightmare'
Charming
'I'd kill myself if I had twins'

'Rather you than me'

'They're really small - are lots of twins born with something wrong?'
Nothing wrong with them they're just small and we're slightly premature!!!

Gives me the fucking rage.
Also being stopped 10s of times a day for the double trouble, you've got your hands full, oh how unusual comments!

I don't think it's meant as rude, it's just conversation. They just want to engage so they get to see your lovely baby for a bit longer.

My dad and nans always referred to it as 'feeding' rather than breastfeeding, I think they were a bit prudish to say the word breast

When they're that small there's not really that much to talk about, hence the questions about your birth and how they're being fed. They are probably the last things that a sensitive new mother wants to talk about though!

Dlwelly being called a sensitive new mother was also one of my pet hates as a sensitive new mother

Mw visiting after birth of ds weighing 8lb1.... "did you need stitches?"

"No"

Her "well don't go round boasting about that!"

I'd have no problem if they made conversation about the weather

She's blonde and angelic looking(despite the huge head)

I don't mind people complimenting her

Asking about feeding or conception or delivery just seems bizarre and nebby.

Kaitlink

It's a perfectly normal question to show interest as baby's of six weeks don't do much.

Writerwannabe - maybe checking as he'd have like to have met the baby but not while you were actually feeding..

I agree with Bertrand. People are just chatting.

"Oooh, bet you had a bad time!" DH is a very large man, and DS is quite large as well!

Years ago when I used to attend a weekly toolset group there was a lady there that used to congratulate everyone on the arrival of their new baby with " ooooh congratulations, are you breastfeeding" if you said yes you would have her chewing your ear off for the next two hours.

Luckily I was a huge disappointment to her as I choose to bottle feed my 3 oldest

I thinks sometimes with the older generation they've been told something they didn't want to know/ were surprised by/ wasn't talked about in their day by their own family and are just trying to work out how "normal" something is or how "normal" it is to talk about.

I agree with Bertrand too - it's just what comes to mind when people are trying to make conversation, and some of these folks just don't have the filters up so what comes into their heads comes out of their mouths...
Probably the same with the twins comments that you get all the time; people just can't think of anything else to ask or say (the twins ones seem extra rude to me, though, totally understand why that would be so annoying).
I guess most questions or comments about a newborn are intimate. Best leave it to 'he/she is gorgeous', 'how is he/she sleeping'... But once those lines of conversation are over ... what are the chatty supermarket types to do? I guess they should really just find someone else to chat with.