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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting my toddler to sleep with step Grandad?

82 replies

Badgoushk · 05/12/2016 20:39

So we see my MIL and her husband (my daughters' step Grandad) a few times a year but not often at their house. They live 2 hours away but I have a just-turned-3-year- old DD and a 1-year-old DD so, kindly, they usually come to us. Understandably, their place isn't particularly child friendly and there are a lot of low lying glass and china ornaments that remain on display during our visits.

So, we visited them this weekend for the first time in months, if not years. MIL had been saying to DH that she wanted DD1 to sleep in her bed with her and her husband. DH said no it's alright we'll bring a travel cot. They have 3 bedrooms and DH and I slept in one with our baby in our bed (we cosleep) and our DD1 in the travel cot in the same room. DD1 is still in a toddler cotbed with high sides at home.

MIL wasn't happy with this arrangement. She wanted DD1 in with her (she's late 60s, husband is about 80). We said no but MIL likes to do what she likes to do.

So the evening comes around and MIL wants to bathe the girls (fine). Then read stories to DD1 in her bedroom (fine). Then plan was for DH to put DD1 to sleep in the travel cot. MIL was taking AGES so in the end DH went up to hurry her along and found MIL and DD1 under the covers together, almost asleep.

Anyway, I know this is going to come up again during the next visit as DD1 is getting too big for the travel cot.

DH wants a quiet life but he's lost trust in his Mum (there is a lot of back story) when she blatantly disregards what he/I want.

MIL wants DD1 to sleep in her double bed with her and 80 year old step Grandad. I do not. I think it's a bit weird. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgoushk · 05/12/2016 20:40

By the way, there is a 3rd bedroom that has two empty twin beds in it.

OP posts:
Orangebird69 · 05/12/2016 20:41

Yanbu.

Blerg · 05/12/2016 20:43

YANBU and I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Especially after she deliberately ignored you last time.

Cuttingthecheese · 05/12/2016 20:43

Um, why is she so desperate to have your DD in her bed! Weird. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than sleep all night with my wriggly 3yrold DD between me and DH. I wouldn't get a wink of sleep!

Put your foot down and say no. No way, she either drops it or you don't visit.

ChicRock · 05/12/2016 20:44

I would ask her outright "MIL why are you so insistent that DD should sleep in bed with you and your DH? Why is this so important to you?".

Cuttingthecheese · 05/12/2016 20:44

DS not DD stupid autocorrect

fourandnomore · 05/12/2016 20:44

I would find that weird too, yanbu. the ignoring your wishes wouldn't be happening again for me either I'm afraid, that's not good.

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/12/2016 20:45

YANBU - wtf does she want your DD to sleep with her and step grandad??? Shock not a cat in hells chance! it's beyond weird.

OneEpisode · 05/12/2016 20:46

So dd1 has her own bed at home? And there is a bed for her at grandma's, even a spare room? You don't want dd1 to get used to sharing. It will make it harder when you get home. Yanbu.

Cuttingthecheese · 05/12/2016 20:46

How does her husband feel about it? I can't imagine wanting a 3 year old sticking their feet in your head/stomach/mouth/bum at 80!

YouTheCat · 05/12/2016 20:46

Get a small, inflatable mattress for your dd when you travel.

Tbh, I'd be knocking visits to them on the head. Sounds very odd.

Trooperslane · 05/12/2016 20:47

weird

oldlaundbooth · 05/12/2016 20:47

Very weird.

YANBU.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 05/12/2016 20:48

Yanbu. And this is why DD will never stay at MIL's house. She would bring DD in with her and her husband too. And we don't like her husband, which makes us even less inclined to send her.

SpeckledyBanana · 05/12/2016 20:48

YANBU. Just tell her it's not happening.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 05/12/2016 20:49

Is this some weird nostalgic thing that your Mil is pining for that us reluctant co-sleeping don't get?

It just seems so desperately needy and it would make me really uncomfortable.

SliceOfLime · 05/12/2016 20:50

YANBU. I wouldn't stay over at theirs - and do tell her the reason why. She's made an odd request, you're not comfortable with it and you can't trust her to go with your decision.

TaggieRR · 05/12/2016 20:50

I wouldn't like it either. Seems odd to me.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 05/12/2016 20:51

Reluctant co-sleepers.

qazxc · 05/12/2016 20:51

Yanbu.
Why is she so insistent on this? What does her dh say about it. As pp mentioned, toddler are not the most comfortable bedmates.

DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 20:51

Is there a reason for this? Have you or DH asked? I personally wouldn't stay over again but you need to understand why.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 05/12/2016 20:52

Just don't visit again. This all sounds a bit weird.

Did her husband put her up to it??

RebelandaStunner · 05/12/2016 20:55

Yanbu.
Agree it's weird. Say no and mean it.

TheCaptainsCat · 05/12/2016 20:59

YANBU. My DD has a step grandad, and there is no way I'd let him sleep in a bed with her. I was involved in a court case a few years ago with a step grandad who had abused his wife's young grand daughters in an awful way. I'm not one to be hysterical about the thought of there being paedophiles everywhere, but it has certainly made me cautious.

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