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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting my toddler to sleep with step Grandad?

82 replies

Badgoushk · 05/12/2016 20:39

So we see my MIL and her husband (my daughters' step Grandad) a few times a year but not often at their house. They live 2 hours away but I have a just-turned-3-year- old DD and a 1-year-old DD so, kindly, they usually come to us. Understandably, their place isn't particularly child friendly and there are a lot of low lying glass and china ornaments that remain on display during our visits.

So, we visited them this weekend for the first time in months, if not years. MIL had been saying to DH that she wanted DD1 to sleep in her bed with her and her husband. DH said no it's alright we'll bring a travel cot. They have 3 bedrooms and DH and I slept in one with our baby in our bed (we cosleep) and our DD1 in the travel cot in the same room. DD1 is still in a toddler cotbed with high sides at home.

MIL wasn't happy with this arrangement. She wanted DD1 in with her (she's late 60s, husband is about 80). We said no but MIL likes to do what she likes to do.

So the evening comes around and MIL wants to bathe the girls (fine). Then read stories to DD1 in her bedroom (fine). Then plan was for DH to put DD1 to sleep in the travel cot. MIL was taking AGES so in the end DH went up to hurry her along and found MIL and DD1 under the covers together, almost asleep.

Anyway, I know this is going to come up again during the next visit as DD1 is getting too big for the travel cot.

DH wants a quiet life but he's lost trust in his Mum (there is a lot of back story) when she blatantly disregards what he/I want.

MIL wants DD1 to sleep in her double bed with her and 80 year old step Grandad. I do not. I think it's a bit weird. AIBU?

OP posts:
Footinmouthasusual · 05/12/2016 21:00

Nope it's strange and silly as there's no need.

I would just laugh and say no dd is a night wanderer and we need her in our room/bed.

thefourgp · 05/12/2016 21:08

I disagree that it's weird. I enjoy sleeping in the same bed as my children. I would imagine that i might want to co-sleep with my grandkids too. It's something you only do with people you have a close bond with. But, yanbu. If you said no then she shouldn't have disrespected your decision, especially as she wasn't the only one sleeping in that bed.

WhereYouLeftIt · 05/12/2016 21:10

"MIL had been saying to DH that she wanted DD1 to sleep in her bed with her and her husband."
Why? Just - why? It makes no sense. Confused

"DH wants a quiet life but he's lost trust in his Mum (there is a lot of back story) when she blatantly disregards what he/I want."
Simple way round this is to simply not visit her at all. You are the parents, what you say goes, and if she doesn't like it, tough. I would not visit and I would tell her why.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/12/2016 21:11

I have NO problem with kids sleeping with Grandparents, Aunties, Uncles, Cousins, Friends...none. If THEY want to.

This insistence from her/them is fucking weird. I wouldn't leave them alone with the kids, at all and I'm not usually one to say things like that.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 05/12/2016 21:12

No way I would be letting this happen. Not just weird but potentially dangerous, night time rolling/ do they smoke? So many reasons not to. Stand firm.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 05/12/2016 21:13

YANBU. It is weird and there is no reason for it whatsoever. There wouldn't be a next time for me. She has shown that she will not listen to you so that would be that as she would try it next time. She'll probably put it to your DD "oh, would you like to sleep in granny's bed, that will be nice won't it" so you'll look like the bad guys when you tell your child it isn't happening. Plus I wouldn't trust her and wonder what else she would try and pull.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 05/12/2016 21:13

Your baby can go in the travel cot & DD can sleep in your bed if you're daft enough to go and stay again.

Footinmouthasusual · 05/12/2016 21:14

thefour yes but it's wierd as it's going against the parents wishes. I have an adorable grandson and if We had to co sleep (as in he was ill or upset on a night we had him)then of course we would but dh and I are blood grandparents and not step parents for one and for two most adults prefer a good nights sleep which doesn't involve kicking toddlers.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 05/12/2016 21:14

Yes, I agree with Annie. I would always jump into my Grandma's bed when I was sleeping over but it's a bit different when the mil is pre-arranging this and then sneaking around to ensure it happens.

Believeitornot · 05/12/2016 21:16

Honestly what a strange thing to do.

I'd either not visit or do the bedtime routine and remain in the room with the MIL while she read stories etc. Basically not let dd out of my sight.

Footinmouthasusual · 05/12/2016 21:16

Not put well but her insistence would annoy me and make me uncomfortable.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 05/12/2016 21:17

Sounds very odd to me.

TheJunctionBaby · 05/12/2016 21:17

No effing way. YANBU.

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/12/2016 21:19

No it's weird, she shouldn't over rule you either.

Elphame · 05/12/2016 21:20

Absolutely no way would I say yes to that.

Warl · 05/12/2016 21:21

No way would I be comfortable with than that, YANBU at all. My DD would not be sleeping in a bed with just my MIL tbh especially not adding a husband into the equation. You stay in a hotel when you visit or they visit you, that would be the end of it

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 21:24

It's not her sleeping with the step-Grandad that's weird, it's your MIL insisting that she sleeps with her! Why isn't she respecting your wishes?

Blossomdeary · 05/12/2016 21:25

You must say that unless your DD sleeps as you choose you will not be coming to stay - no compromises. It is insanity - this woman is quite quite crazy. This is YOUR child. Don't weaken.

Blackbird82 · 05/12/2016 21:26

Definitely not. Your MIL is a weirdo.

ClopySow · 05/12/2016 21:35

My kids use to go through to their granny and step grandad in the middle of the night and sleep with them. I had no problem with that. I would have had a problem with mum pushing it when i'd said no.

FookyNell · 05/12/2016 21:37

DH and I have had our DGC to stay every weekend for 18 months and he takes the sofa, every single time.

YANBU and she can FOTTFSOF.

expatinscotland · 05/12/2016 21:39

There would be no more visits to theirs. When she asked, I'd tell her why.

threemoregoals · 05/12/2016 21:47

At best, disrespectful, controlling and intense, at worst dodgy and dangerous.
Just no. Do not get bounced into this out of weird politeness. You are being manipulated and you owe it to your kids to stand up to her. No.

Puppymouse · 05/12/2016 21:48

I think this is very strange and I would have put considerable distance between DD and my MiL if she'd done this.

Gymnopedies · 05/12/2016 21:58

Because you said there is a backstory and your DH usually tries for an easy life, I'd recommend reading this blog and seeing if anything rings a bell:
outofthefog.website
Yanbu