So for a few days now DH has been saying 'it wouldn't surprise me if your brother asked whether his new gf could come for Christmas.' I've just laughed as we are now into Dec, we have never met her before and they've only been together three or four months. Anyway, the most recent time this was brought up was in IKEA on Saturday. I yet again laughed and said 'I don't know what makes you think that.' I was talking to dm this morning and happened to say that dh keeps mentioning it and she said 'well I think your db may ask.'
It turns out that dm told dh a few days ago that this may be the case but not me. Dm claims that it wasn't her place to ask me - however, it was obviously her place to tell my dh! And then when dh and I were in IKEA and he could have told me that he had that information to base it on - he didn't!
I feel like I've been made to look an idiot and on a practical level it's really pissed me off too as I would have bought an extra chair in IKEA and a smaller Christmas tree - if indeed she is coming. Dh claims he didn't want to cause me unnecessary stress (he was trying to 'look after me') in case db didn't ever call and ask me but out of these three situations I know which is the worst -
Db calls and asks with no warning and time for DH and I to consider our answer
Db calls and dh and I have had time to think about answer
Db doesn't call at all so no big deal
I feel as though I'm being made out to be some unstable nut job that needs 'managing '! We have had a bit of a stressful year but nothing really major. Just usual family life, house renovation etc I hate the fact that I was laughing about it as it seemed a bit far fetched for DH to think about it at all (he doesn't get heavily involved in Christmas full stop) and he knew all along that it was a distinct possibility. I just don't get why dm would tell dh but not her own daughter (who will actually have to deal with practicalities of having another person to Christmas!) Dh has apologised profusely but I just feel let down and made out to be a bit of a fool.
And then - I don't really want a complete stranger coming to Christmas! I wouldn't mind at all if they'd been together longer and we had met her a few times but we have never met her and nor have my parents! We have two dc and I was really looking forward to a relaxed 'in your pyjamas for breakfast/fall asleep in front of the fire' sort of Christmas. I just know I won't feel relaxed with a total stranger being here. We don't have a huge house either so we will be squashed into sitting room (even worse with Christmas tree - and of course we bought a fairly big one as I didn't know of any plans!) I just feel as though you should have at least met someone before them coming to your family Christmas. Then when Christmas comes around you are familiar with each other and no one is standing on ceremony. And you don't ask in December imo ( and not with someone we've never met!) We are still having a new kitchen finished and whole house in mess - just wanted that to be done and then feel I could relax.
Db will no doubt call me later and what can I say but yes? If he's with her for any length of time it will just make things awkward when we do meet her! I don't want to be rude and unfriendly but I really resent being put in this position.
Not well worded I'm afraid but grateful for opinions!