Aibu or is he?

[ricecrispies16]

Could do with a bit of an impartial perspective.

Haven't spoken to my partner since Friday morning. We've been together 18 months, have a 3 month old baby together. I'm currently living with my mum between house moves and he's living with his parents. Friday he made a comment about my daughter (3yo who's not his) that I didn't like, I blew up and told him that he's nasty and to do one basically. I was just angry and went into protective mum mode.

Have since been told that perhaps I was being unreasonable so I tried to call him last night to apologise. He ignored me. Haven't heard anything since.

Meanwhile I'm the one looking after our baby in all of this and haven't heard a thing from him.

I've gone from feeling sorry last night to a bit miffed to be honest.

Aibu?

At first I thought you really overreacted to your partner's comment, but then when I saw the rest of your posts I can see why it must have felt like the last straw. I'm a bit worried that you don't feel you could leave your daughter alone with him, and that he thinks his own child "won't be like that" and would make no contribution to her Christmas gift. It sounds like he just sees her as an inconvenience.

I also think it's weird that, even if you two have had a blazing row, he would ignore you for days when you are caring for his baby. I can (just about) understand someone ignoring their partner in this situation, but not their baby.

I think I would be inclined to text, in a neutral and non-confrontational way, and say "Obviously we need to talk things through, but if you don't feel ready, would you at least like to come and see DS? I know you must be missing him."

I agree it absolutely depends how he said it. In the context you describe (sounds like he doesn't understand that kids have tantrums and has decided your 3yo is a brat) I would probably be offended too if the implication was that your kid is going to grow up to be obnoxious because she's having a tantrums a toddler.

I can't imagine being with someone that wasn't at least trying to build a good relationship with my child (OK he may not love her like his own straight away but he should be trying). Also seems ridiculous that he hasn't contacted you at the very least to see his own baby in the last few days.

I don't think he has to love her. He just needs to regard her with kindness that's all.

pictish I would hope that he would love her. She is an extension of the OP and if he really loves the OP then they come as a package.

It's a difficult position to be in. I need to decide if I should end it for my 3yo sake and my baby not have her dad around as much or stick with him, have a discussion about his treatment of my 3yo and move in together and hope for the best and if it does go to shit have the upheaval of him having to move out.

I really feel for you, it is an incredibly difficult position to be in. Only you know what your relationship is like and only you can decide what's best for you and both your children. I would say gut feelings are usually right, if your gut says he can't give your 3 yr old the love and respect she deserves, move on. If it's saying you can work through this and he can be the stepdad he needs to be, then give it a try. Neither sounds easy.

Have tried again to make contact - still being ignored. Ridiculous.

He's dumped you.

Contact CMS first thing tomorrow to sort out maintenance.

YANBU. I'm glad you are at least at your mums. It would take a lot of perspective for me to forgive a man who behaved this way.

Sounds like he's made the decision for you, or at least made it easier for you, could you really forgive this behaviour and move on in the relationship. Hope you have support from your mum, sounds like it if you're living there, and others.

Low of him.

How? What does she actually need to DO? What does "taking responsibility" actually entail?

Well how about questioning why shes in a relationship with someone she doesnt seem to trust with her child for starters.