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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not buy adults drinks at softplay party?

115 replies

GraceNotes · 04/12/2016 21:12

I just gave my DD a softplay party for her 5th birthday. I asked my sister about what's expected in terms of providing food and drink for the adults, as she has been to loads of SP parties and I haven't.
She told me that the drinks and food are never provided - there is always a cafe where the parents can go and purchase one. Obvs the children had party food, etc. However, she lives in a different part of the country.

So, I did not provide adult refreshments. Most of the adults just went up to get their own. However, I felt a few were a bit off about having to purchase them . One Mum announced loudly to her child that she couldn't come and play because she was waiting for coffee, then finally went up to buy one, but stared at me glumly the whole time she was in the queue. I also got a dirty look off another parent, who had been sat waiting for a while, as he went over to the counter.

When I arrived at the venue, they asked me if I would like to set up a tab for the parents drinks and I said no. The hot drinks are £2.20 each and as some children came with both parents it would have cost me £30-£40 just to buy them drinks. The party has cost us around £200 all-in and I really did not want to add on that amount of extra cost. There was food leftover from the kids' buffet which was put aside for the adults. (Party was 3pm to 5pm so not over tea-time).

I'm new to this area and I'm now worried that the expectations here are different and not providing drinks may be frowned upon. This is a very affluent area (we are the exception - we live on a normal estate with smaller houses, but surrounded by bigger ones). When my DD unwrapped the presents afterwards I'm surprised at how generous they were. What do you think the expectations are in this situation?

OP posts:

Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 22:32

Sell fridges that is a new one on me. Where are you from ? I'm a poor northerner and make parents buy there own coffee at my kids parties.

Yourface · 04/12/2016 22:33

It was usually provided when mine were young enough to go to them and I also did but I wouldn't think twice if they weren't. Really bad mannered of your guests to give dirty looks. Bizarre.

threemoregoals · 04/12/2016 22:39

It just doesn't matter. I've been to countless soft plays, and I live in one of the richest postcodes in the country. At some, people have offered drinks, at others I have bought my own drink, and at others still I have bought - or been bought - drinks by the people I'm standing with.

If anyone cares who pays for a coffee they need to get over it. It's hard enough running a kids party without getting hung up on this stuff.

Do what works for you. Someone staring at you and expecting a drink is far, far ruder than you not buying them one.

Obsidian77 · 04/12/2016 22:39

When I opened the thread I thought definitely YABU, if you're hosting a party you should provide refreshments for your guests but then I RTFT and was surprised by how many people say they would not expect the hosts to buy them a drink. So maybe it does depend on where you live? I guess as long as what you do is considered fine for your social group/school then it's not a problem.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 04/12/2016 22:44

Soft play there's a cafe so that's easy enough, I expect to buy my own drink. But at a DIY party (where you hire a hall and provide all the food and activities) it would be nice to have a drink. I went to one where there was nothing for parents, not even seating. We had to stand for two hours with no drink and watch our children play.

myst · 04/12/2016 22:47

I've never had adult drinks bought for me when I've attended those type of parties and wouldn't expect it. They are expensive enough as it is.

Would expect to be offered a drink at a party held in a hall or someone's house but there isn't the same cost implication

inlectorecumbit · 04/12/2016 22:53

DH owns a softplay in West Yorkshire. I just asked him and he said it is very rare for a party host to buy coffee/tea etc for the parents. It is the parents choice to say or not. On the rare occasion that a tab is run for the parents it can add up to quite an amount in addition to the party costs.
I would say YWNBU at all.

user1477282676 · 04/12/2016 22:56

Migs it's not bizarre to be a bit about not cutting up the cake all the children have seen brought out and sung Happy Birthday around! Small kids are always dissapointed not to be offered a piece of the actual cake. It's odd not to serve it.

AmyInTheBoonies · 04/12/2016 23:00

Ive never been to a kids party that hasn't provided tea and coffee free for parents.

But if the party is at a venue they've not had a tab as such. Just a choice of tea or coffee and if you wanted anything nicer you would be expected to buy it yourself.

I wouldn't worry about it - the parents who were cross were been very grumpy.

Wookiecookies · 04/12/2016 23:02

YANBU, the reason being, I have held soft play parties in the past, where mum dad and up to two/three additional siblings/cousins/friends etc... decide to pay the entrance fee and stay and play. Where do you draw the line? Coffees in these places are £1.50 plus, with fruit shoots being over £1. You would be bankrupted by the end if every parent did the above! I am holding a party for invitees only (the children). Parents are not required to stay and if they do then it is then their responsibility to purchase refreshments. How grabby of these parents to assume you would fork out for an overpriced coffee for them, just because they decided to hang around!

If I held a party at home, then naturally I would offer the parents a drink, as they have nowhere else to get one, and its not costing mev£1.50 for me to drop a tea bag in some hot water.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/12/2016 23:11

Soft play parties cost an arm and a leg, without adding a tab to it, round here, people either bring their own, or buy one from the cafe.

namechangedtoday15 · 04/12/2016 23:13

Norm here to provide drinks for adults.

Andthen · 04/12/2016 23:15

Really shocked at all the responses saying that it's polite to run a tab for parents. I've never seen that happen at a soft play venue. At a church hall the hosting parents provide tea/coffee and maybe some biscuits but not at a paid venue. I'm now worrying that I've offended people by my past hosting at soft plays...

Sara107 · 04/12/2016 23:16

Most I've been to have provided drinks and snacks. We've had two for dD and put a tab behind the coffee bar for parents to choose what they wanted. I think it's quite usual - the soft play places offer various options such as coffee and biscuits for the adults on the party table. In terms of cost, having spent in the region of £200 on the actual party, £10 or £20 extra on parents doesn't seem like a big deal. When we had village hall parties we also laid on drinks and biscuits, and have always been fed and watered at other children's parties. It's a party, why would you not try and make it nice, even for the parents hanging around?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/12/2016 23:20

It definitely varies from area to area and social group to social group. I think lots of factors come in to play too - things like whether you ask them to stay or not.

Given you are new to the area, expecting you to know what 'the norm' is, is ridiculous & rude. Besides, whatever 'the norm' is, not everyone will do it/can afford it. Expecting someone to buy you something is spectacularly rude.

Don't give it another thought.

Boogers · 04/12/2016 23:21

No, no and no again! I've done soft play parties for both DCs and also been to many and it's never been the done thing to provide drinks for accompanying parents. Durham, by the way.

I pay £12-£15 per child to have a canny time, and I have always supervised them all, from the top of the play area 2 storeys up to the kids on the football area. The invited children have 75 minutes of play followed by lunch and cake.

DS was an autumn baby so I was one of the first to set the scene. I have never provided tea, coffee, hot chocolate, water, juice or whatever to accompanying people, nor have I batted an eyelid when they got themselves food from the cafe. I have also never caved in to requests of "can Oscar's older brother join him too?" - yes, of course Oscar's older brother can join him. The cash desk is just there. Stop taking the piss.

By the way, Oscar's mother is an habitual freeloader, a fairweather friend whom I disassociated myself from a long while ago, mostly due to her far right and racist views but also because she took the piss once too often.

You are catering for your DC and their friends. Not your DC, their friends, their patents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents and anyone in between. Just no.

DailyMailSucksAss · 04/12/2016 23:24

Basic coffee and tea facilities only where I am, and maybe a costco platter (softplay owner is a sweetheart) if i can be bothered. Anything beyond that people pay themselves

CinderellaRockefeller · 04/12/2016 23:25

Normal here to provide food and drink for parents as well. At least teas and coffees, sometimes glass of wine. Then food would be a few platters of snacks, although some people do a lot more.

The two soft play parties we've been to there was a tab for whatever.

Guess it varies from place to place. Think would be a bit surprised at no drinks if staying at a party but wouldn't complain if not, you just get on with it and snaffle a sandwich off dc's invariable leftovers if starving :)

Boogers · 04/12/2016 23:27

P.S. I've also done a party in a village hall for DD where I provided a shit load of food and had huge jugs of cordial at the ready, only for some greedy bastard parents to start on it before the kids had even sat down at the table. You will always get freeloaders who will nick the snot off your nose soon as look at you. Do not give in to the puppy dog eyes. Just say no.

smellyboot · 04/12/2016 23:29

round our way some provide or offer and others don't. Its nice but not expected

Boogers · 04/12/2016 23:29

DailyMail Cinderella blimey, where are you both?

Amber76 · 04/12/2016 23:29

I'm in Ireland and fairly new to the parties at play centres but in the past three weeks we've been to three of these parties - at two I was offered (and accepted) a coffee. At the third I wasn't offered anything. In my limited experience it seems not many parents stay... I think it is polite and kind to offer a tea or coffee.
I have noticed that a lot of the 'party packages' you can get for the play centres include complimentary coffees for parents who stay.

Maryann1975 · 04/12/2016 23:29

I've got 3dc. I have been to LOADS of soft play type parties. I have been bought a drink maybe 3 times. Platters of food specially for adults maybe twice. Definitely not the norm here.

SouthWindsWesterly · 04/12/2016 23:30

I've been to a lot of soft play parties around my area and the norm is to offer only the first drink to adults. If they decline, then they've lost out

maz210 · 04/12/2016 23:35

We've had lots of soft play parties over the years, we've always bought parents drinks and usually ordered a tray of sandwiches or a few portions of chips for them to pick at. However we've had the budget to do so and also our parties have tended to include sets of siblings so a lot less parents than children.

I'd never expect the same at other parties though, that's just rude. Sometimes the host parents offer, sometimes they don't, there's no set rule. I'm just grateful for the invite as my kids have always loved tearing round a soft play with half their class. If the kids are at a party and I don't want to spend extra on coffees I sneak a bottle of water in my handbag rather than expect someone else to pay for me

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