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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not buy adults drinks at softplay party?

115 replies

GraceNotes · 04/12/2016 21:12

I just gave my DD a softplay party for her 5th birthday. I asked my sister about what's expected in terms of providing food and drink for the adults, as she has been to loads of SP parties and I haven't.
She told me that the drinks and food are never provided - there is always a cafe where the parents can go and purchase one. Obvs the children had party food, etc. However, she lives in a different part of the country.

So, I did not provide adult refreshments. Most of the adults just went up to get their own. However, I felt a few were a bit off about having to purchase them . One Mum announced loudly to her child that she couldn't come and play because she was waiting for coffee, then finally went up to buy one, but stared at me glumly the whole time she was in the queue. I also got a dirty look off another parent, who had been sat waiting for a while, as he went over to the counter.

When I arrived at the venue, they asked me if I would like to set up a tab for the parents drinks and I said no. The hot drinks are £2.20 each and as some children came with both parents it would have cost me £30-£40 just to buy them drinks. The party has cost us around £200 all-in and I really did not want to add on that amount of extra cost. There was food leftover from the kids' buffet which was put aside for the adults. (Party was 3pm to 5pm so not over tea-time).

I'm new to this area and I'm now worried that the expectations here are different and not providing drinks may be frowned upon. This is a very affluent area (we are the exception - we live on a normal estate with smaller houses, but surrounded by bigger ones). When my DD unwrapped the presents afterwards I'm surprised at how generous they were. What do you think the expectations are in this situation?

OP posts:

Notso · 04/12/2016 22:06

We usually buy everyone one drink and buy adult platters for parents at parties.
I never expect it at parties my children go to though. I went to one where it was privately hired and all drinks were paid for. I felt really cheeky having more than one.

Idiotxit · 04/12/2016 22:07

If we have a party at home for kids, then I'd provide adult drinks and snacks. Not at a soft play for five year olds though.

TurquoiseDress · 04/12/2016 22:08

Went along to our first soft play party recently- food & drinks provided for the kids as expected.

There was also tea & coffee for the adults- hot water urn with milk, sugar etc so we helped ourselves.

Also, soft drinks available if we wanted e.g. bottle of coke/lemonade.

It was nice that these were provided, as it was the first one we really had no expectations that we would be fed & watered.

To be honest, I was really expecting anything for the adults.

This is in SE London suburbia

QuackDuckQuack · 04/12/2016 22:10

We've always set up a tab and that's the norm at the soft play parties we've been to. We also have enough cake to serve adults too. But I wouldn't be put out if I had to buy my own.

TurquoiseDress · 04/12/2016 22:10

The party lasted 2 hours

DH made the mistake of paying for our entry on the way in to the soft play centre (not sure why he did) but I forgot to ask him until we were back at home.

So we had to pay entry to the venue, and the parents arranging the party had already paid for it

zad716 · 04/12/2016 22:11

idiotxit When you invite young children you are though normally inviting the parents to stay as well.

Usually been offered a hot drink (or two) even at places with cafes. Never attended one with a tab, but we did set up a tab at DS's party this year though there was a small number of parents (~10) and cheap drinks (£1).

PrettySophisticated · 04/12/2016 22:12

Ah, it sounds like the soft play are sales geniuses! I've never bought drinks for parents and when attending as a parent assumed I'd buy my own, but if this venue have made it the"norm" that a tab is opened by the hosts and this is a regular venue for parties in your town, maybe they're used to hosts buying the adults drinks

rallytog1 · 04/12/2016 22:13

We have always done it but the first time people seemed very surprised. So I think it's definitely not expected. But we're friends with most of the kids' parents and see parties as a way to catch up with them too, so it might be different if we didn't know them as well.

Thinnestofthinice · 04/12/2016 22:14

I've probably been to about 20 of these now and I think I've been bought a drink at 2. We have a tab at ours but coffees were £1 each! We found people didn't want one when they knew it was on a tab. I honestly wouldn't expect a coffee at a party- if anything it makes me feel awkward as I can easily have 2 and wouldn't dream of ordering a second at someone else's expense!

BalloonSlayer · 04/12/2016 22:15

These places go out of business approx every 5 years as far as I am aware.

Our current soft play offers a few free hot drinks for parents who stay at each party.

The one that preceded it offered none at all and did not allow any parents to stay.

The one that preceded that one allowed parents to stay but did not provide any free drinks. We bought drinks for parents who stayed at our DCs parties. I stayed at several parties there as had a DC with bad food allergies, was always offered drinks by parents but usually declined. One party sticks in my mind that I was looked at as a lunatic by the parents for staying; they pointedly asked everyone else [their friends] at the table but me if they wanted a drink - I would have said no out of politeness, and I think they had sat at my table rather than I sat at theirs so I wasn't trying to intrude. As the party progressed one of their DC was crying and it turned out I had something with me that was helpful, which they seemed grateful for, then they offered my allergic DC something that would have put him in hospital, so it was as well I was there . . . but still at the end of the party I could tell they saw me as a gate-crashing loon.

GlitterGlue · 04/12/2016 22:16

Not the done thing here. Adults buy their own.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 04/12/2016 22:16

I've been to quite a few soft play parties and have never been bought food or drink and neither have I expected to. There's a cafe, I can get my own.

crazycatzz · 04/12/2016 22:17

If the venue offered to set up a table for the adults then yeah it seems to be that kind of area.
It's totally up to you though but I would have set up a tab for the parents.
Soft play is hellish enough and a cup of tea and a slice of cake would have made it less so

Wishforsnow · 04/12/2016 22:18

I always have a tab at the venues I've booked so parents can get tea, coffee, wine or beer. I just ask the staff no food is added to the tab. I thought that was the norm! Happy to pay for my own coffee/wine if I'm not hosting though

OlennasWimple · 04/12/2016 22:19

If you expected parents to stay, then IMO you should have provided them with a drink. But if they were staying when they could have dropped off then they should get their own

OdeToAutumn · 04/12/2016 22:20

I've been to a few and most did offer a drink, but it wasn't expected, I didn't take them up on the offer and my DH went and bought his own coffee later on when he did fancy one. I wouldn't have thought anything of it if nothing was offered. I do appreciate some snacks for adults if they are on offer as sometimes the party is around lunchtime and I haven't eaten anything ! I wouldn't worry, even if they were put out it's a bit harsh to actually say it out loud or give funny looks !

flossietoot · 04/12/2016 22:20

Always at my daughters parties in an affluent area of Scotland.

Pilgit · 04/12/2016 22:20

I would and have done and all the parties I've been to drinks have been bought. But these places are expensive and it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't provided.and would just buy my own - would probably also offer the parents running the party one! It's not a right, I don't expect it as they've already spent a lot on providing the party and I'm only there for my child. So I wouldn't think anything of it. Don't fret about it - those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

ElaineVintage · 04/12/2016 22:21

I took my daughter to a soft play birthday party on Saturday and bought all my own drinks and food. Wouldn't dream of assuming otherwise!

How dare they vocalise their displeasure to the host. Very uncouth

TyneTeas · 04/12/2016 22:22

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Did you mean to be so rude with your "It's polite and good hosting"?

You have seen loads of replies from people for whom it is not the expected norm. And the other posters where it does happen have managed to say so without saying the rest of us are impolite and poor hosts

Blankiefan · 04/12/2016 22:23

I provided a tab at DD's soft play party but found it didn't get used much. About £30 in the end.

We've only been going to kids parties for about a year and I always feel a bit when drinks aren't provided for the adults - frankly at my first couple I was surprised that good wasn't either but obviously get why not. Just feels odd - I wouldn't have someone in my house without offering them a drink so why would I host them elsewhere without. Not judging, just how I feel about it. Maybe it's just another oddity of parenting.

DisneyMillie · 04/12/2016 22:25

I've always provided drinks and food for parents and nearly all parties we've attended have too

Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 22:27

Omg I'd have provided champagne, caviar and laser hair removal 😉........... YANBU. IGNORE the bar stewards

SellFridges · 04/12/2016 22:27

We always open a tab for drinks, and our friends always have too. Not all of the parties we've been to have had tabs open though and in those cases we just buy our own drinks. Doesn't bother me to do so in the slightest.

Pillowaddict · 04/12/2016 22:27

I see why you wouldn't but I have done at the two parties I've had at play cafes and another family venue for the kids set up a tab for parents. Both times been less than 20 quid as some folk didn't realise/chose to ignore as they were purchasing food or more than a coffee. I really think no one would be annoyed if I hadn't though I just felt I should given the situation. Totally fine not to, although I do always appreciate when someone provides coffee in any situation! !

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