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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not buy adults drinks at softplay party?

115 replies

GraceNotes · 04/12/2016 21:12

I just gave my DD a softplay party for her 5th birthday. I asked my sister about what's expected in terms of providing food and drink for the adults, as she has been to loads of SP parties and I haven't.
She told me that the drinks and food are never provided - there is always a cafe where the parents can go and purchase one. Obvs the children had party food, etc. However, she lives in a different part of the country.

So, I did not provide adult refreshments. Most of the adults just went up to get their own. However, I felt a few were a bit off about having to purchase them . One Mum announced loudly to her child that she couldn't come and play because she was waiting for coffee, then finally went up to buy one, but stared at me glumly the whole time she was in the queue. I also got a dirty look off another parent, who had been sat waiting for a while, as he went over to the counter.

When I arrived at the venue, they asked me if I would like to set up a tab for the parents drinks and I said no. The hot drinks are £2.20 each and as some children came with both parents it would have cost me £30-£40 just to buy them drinks. The party has cost us around £200 all-in and I really did not want to add on that amount of extra cost. There was food leftover from the kids' buffet which was put aside for the adults. (Party was 3pm to 5pm so not over tea-time).

I'm new to this area and I'm now worried that the expectations here are different and not providing drinks may be frowned upon. This is a very affluent area (we are the exception - we live on a normal estate with smaller houses, but surrounded by bigger ones). When my DD unwrapped the presents afterwards I'm surprised at how generous they were. What do you think the expectations are in this situation?

OP posts:

DillyDilly · 04/12/2016 21:29

I've always offered tea/coffee to parents who stay at any party we've had at soft play (or any other venue). Would think it odd not to.

BonusNewt · 04/12/2016 21:31

I have never been to a soft play party with a tab, but I would say, when the kids were young enough that you had to stay with them (now we just drop and run aged 7 and over) I was probably offered a coffee 90 per cent of the time.

Bravas · 04/12/2016 21:31

The majority don't at soft play types venues, a few have done but that's definitely the minority where I live.

I offered but no one accepted (phew ).

At hall type parties the majority do drinks and cakes for the adults.

aurorie11 · 04/12/2016 21:33

I've always offered hot drinks, not food as there's generally enough leftover for the adults

CookieDoughKid · 04/12/2016 21:34

I have always opened tabs in past at my parties as in my culture it is expected and would be very rude not to. In my culture we also invite siblings. Ive been to a few where parents are really well catered for including champagne and canapes. Equally i have been to parties where nothing is provided for (and I don't expect it). I get a good feel of the etiquette when i drive up the driveway. However I never expect or take anything for granted and I always offer to pay for my own. I don't think its one size fits all.

indigox · 04/12/2016 21:35

YANBU - I've had two soft play parties for DS, no drinks were purchased, no one had an issue. I've also been to several soft play parties, once again no drinks were purchased, no one had an issue.

I've only ever been to one party where adults were catered for, and even then only a small % of the parents stayed at the party.

clary · 04/12/2016 21:37

Where I live people would have dropped and ran at 5yo anyway, so buying drinks would not have come up.

I certainly never stayed with my DC at softplay parties beyond 4yo. I agree, buying drinks for parents is not needed.

Original poster

GraceNotes · 04/12/2016 21:37

Hmmmm, it seems to be a mix of responses here. We invited and paid for siblings.
I think paying for drinks might be a regional thing.

OP posts:

lola111 · 04/12/2016 21:37

Around here the softplay does large jugs of coffee and tea for parents included in party price.

Mummyme1987 · 04/12/2016 21:39

Never paid for siblings either. Only the invited child.

NataliaOsipova · 04/12/2016 21:39

Whenever I've been to/hosted soft play parties the form has been that parents' coffees are on a tab paid for by the host. That said, I'd be happy enough to buy my own!

TheSconeOfStone · 04/12/2016 21:39

Never been offered a drink at soft play and I've lost count of the number I've been too. I usually supply hot drinks and biscuits at a church hall type party.

Maybe it varies by area but drinks are most definitely not expected round here. I did go to one party at a virgin active and the parents provided a hot buffet and free bar. They also had extra staff to look after the kids (it was a 4th birthday) so the parents could enjoy the refreshments.

maldini · 04/12/2016 21:41

We're doing one and providing a couple of sandwich platters for the adults etc

I wouldn't expect that if I was going to a soft play party though, but we just think that if we can do it then it's a nice bonus for parents - and we also have non parent friends/family coming so might soften the smack of hell that is softplay

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/12/2016 21:44

I always did. It's polite and good hosting.

Gillybean76 · 04/12/2016 21:45

It's a few years ago now, but we have always gone round the parents that stayed (many are happy to leave their kids which is fine) and offered a drink.
Some took us up on the offer, some had already got a drink by the time we asked, some declined. No big deal
But it should not be obligatory to provide drinks for the adults, I think.

OpalTree · 04/12/2016 21:50

I would expect to buy my own drink. You've spent enough on the party and entertaining and feeding my child.

Fieryfighter · 04/12/2016 21:50

I've had more than a decade of kids parties, never once been given a drink and tbh I'd be surprised if I was! I'm very aware of how much it costs the parents to put on a party and wouldn't expect for a second them to go to even more extra expense.

I've actually gone and bought a drink fur the hosting parents on more than one occasion!

Sedona123 · 04/12/2016 21:51

Always the done thing here to set up a tab for the parents. It may be an extra £40, but it's only once a year! Also, as others have said, after the first couple of years parties tend to be drop off anyway.

Idiotxit · 04/12/2016 21:51

I find that soft play brings out the best in everyone.

You're hosting the children, not the parents.

YWNBU

haveacupoftea · 04/12/2016 21:54

Adults buy their own here.

witsender · 04/12/2016 21:55

Whenever I have been to one the parents have done one round of hot drinks for all parents, then we do any extras.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 04/12/2016 21:56

It's a mix here we usually have a tab but most parents don't take us up on it and i would only make use of a tab at a paty if the parents were friends of ours.

SparkyBlue · 04/12/2016 21:57

I have always been offered a tea or coffee at soft play parties by the host

CaulkheadupNorthStill · 04/12/2016 22:04

In the area I'm in, it's very common/expected to have drinks and cake provided for adults. I wouldn't worry about it though, if they have an issue with it then that's their problem.

Rattusn · 04/12/2016 22:05

I haven't been to many soft play parties, but of the ones I've been too, there has generally only been squash/tap water put out for everyone to drink.

We have always hired a hall for parties, as I personally always want to cater (food and drink) for the parents as well.

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