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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nanny gave DD a cold sore - furious. AIBU?

436 replies

firstimer30s · 04/12/2016 17:31

As the title said, nanny came to work with a cold sore. She said she is careful so like an idiot I didn't question it. DD (3 yrs old) developed a fever, sore throat and now a huge cold sore. I am so angry and I'm kicking myself. DD will now have this for life.
Nanny says she is sorry.
What would you do?

OP posts:
MrsNuckyThompson · 04/12/2016 22:04

I would be furious too.

Hamsolo · 04/12/2016 22:04

RNBrie that's the one. I don't have shares in it. Sali Hughes gave it a good review if you want to google that?

Horsegirl1 · 04/12/2016 22:07

Omg the nanny has a Coldsore #shockhorror

Gooseysgirl · 04/12/2016 22:10

I would also have been furious OP

Justaboy · 04/12/2016 22:10

Is this child or rather was it to be screened from being kissed or held close by any relative or friend unless they had tests to indicate they were free of any herpes virri at all?

Devilishpyjamas · 04/12/2016 22:20

Those of you who would be furious what on earth did you expect the nanny to do? (If indeed the infection was passed on from her). Stay home? Wear a bag on her head? Carry a bell?

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/12/2016 22:21

To be furious with your nanny that this happened when YOU were the only one who could have prevented it, is ridiculous.

Funny how people like this don't get 'furious' when their child is making the nanny ill! A far more frequent occurrence.

Devilishpyjamas · 04/12/2016 22:22

Or biohazard suit maybe. (And I have a child who was extrememly ill from his first herpes infection nearly 17 years ago & still lives with the consequences of that - shit happens - not everything bad that happens is someone's fault).

itsbetterthanabox · 04/12/2016 22:23

It always could have happened you must have known that. A 3 year old will touch everything.
I'm sure she washed her hands regularly and didn't kiss the child but it can happen anyway. If you had an issue you should have asked her not to work.
You can't do anything.
It also might not have been from her. My partner has never caught them from me in 10 years.

spankhurst · 04/12/2016 22:25

Blimey, I regularly had cold sores as a kid. I genuinely had no idea it was a big deal.
OP, viruses sometimes get passed on. I get why you feel protective and cross but I think yabu.

jetsetlil · 04/12/2016 22:25

This HAS to be bollocks, surely. When has cold sores been life threatening???
Get a fucking life op

SleepFreeZone · 04/12/2016 22:29

jetset not bollocks at all sadly.

SusanneLinder · 04/12/2016 22:31

*You can catch oral herpes through oral sex.

Also from the inter web.*

Help, I'm on interweb all the time...Confused
Backs slowly away from infected Mumsnetters Grin

PacificDogwod · 04/12/2016 22:34
Grin
SusanneLinder · 04/12/2016 22:37

Runs away from Pacific Dogwood
Do you think if I updated my McAfee it would stop me getting this virus...Grin

CorkieD · 04/12/2016 22:41

Please tell me there are multiple posts on this thread by the same troll as a wind up.

MrsFogi · 04/12/2016 22:43

OP fwiw I think yanbu - I would be furious. My mother had regular cold sores whilst we were children and was scrupulous in her hygiene so that none of us ever caught the virus from her. Your nanny has passed on a virus to your dc that your dc will have for life and may or may not be painful/regular etc. She clearly fell down on her precautions somewhere and given her job is to protect your dc she has failed. I do not understand posters who think this is no big deal.

Adsss · 04/12/2016 22:51

Mrs fogs so you are definitely not a carrier who is asymptomatic? Have you managed to be tested for this an d can say conclusively. No one has said the Cold sore is not horrible and the virus can in some instances be fatal, but to know conclusively that it is the nanny is not possible. Shit happens... The virus sucks.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 04/12/2016 22:53

When I first joined MN some random poster ridiculed me because of my spelling and grammer and I mentioned that I had had a brain injury that caused me issues.

I think this is the first time I have ever mentioned what that brain injury was.

Well it was caused by a poxy little cold sore. I was an adult who caught a tiny little cold sore (these things that so many people just laugh about and ridicule anybody who is concerned about them) I was in my mid 20's and it seamed like one day for the first time ever with no warning had a tiny little blister on my lip, I ignored it because hey it's just a cold sore who cares about those.
For some reason I had an odd reaction in my mouth and eyes and some very unusual bleeding going on not long after I ended up in intensive care with something called encephalitis, I was not vulnerable health wise before then I did not have any underlaying conditions I was just unlucky and now as a result of that I have brain damage.

Cold sores are the baine of my life, I now routinely get them in my nose by my eyes on my chin around my lips and they are huge when I have them it makes me very unwell I spend almost half of each year of my life feeling like I have the flu amd it can be soul destroying.

Yes I shed the virus when I don't have a break out but I am far more contagious to others when I do. I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anybody and there are things I can do and hygiene measures I can take to reduce the risk from me to others, I can avoid skin to skin contact during an outbreak or the lead up to one, I can use a decent barrier over any sores I can be super cautious about hand-face contact and good hand washing and not sharing items that come into contact with my face. And these are all things I do as a matter of course.
Just because something like 60ish% of people may have them it does not mean that I can't do my bit to reduce the risk from me

lenny2011 · 04/12/2016 22:56

Are you kidding? I get cold sores. I have 3 kids and they have never got one. Whereas I just need to share a room with someone to contract one!!!
It's unlikely she did anything to make your child catch it. It's a virus that's airborne

corythatwas · 04/12/2016 22:57

Of course anyone can and should do what they can to reduce the risk. But unless the OP has access to constant CCTV covering every move of the nanny, she cannot be sure that the nanny was not actually doing what she could to be cautious.

Adsss · 04/12/2016 23:02

Needsasock, that is awful. Absolutely reduce the risk of spread. From having a child with organ failure from the virus I am also trying not to belittle the virus, just the assumption that there is finger pointing. blame. Trusting instincts that something unusual was going on got us into intensive care in time.

Phalenopsisgirl · 04/12/2016 23:02

Dh gets cold sores, as have several exes. I have never had one. I think I'm just not susceptible, dumb luck rather than anything else. I think if your dc is then it was only going to be a matter of time. I'm also completely immune to head lice! No idea why, they just turn their nose up at my (very clean and seemingly headline friendly) head. Ds has inherited this, through multiple outbreaks he only ever had one louse, it was already dead! Anything throaty though and I'm hit hard. I wouldn't be too cross, the sore was probably not there at the point your child got infected.

babyface · 04/12/2016 23:03

Wow not something that has ever entered my world as an issue. Love mumsnet.. a window into the world of other people's problems. .. at least your dd's immune system is prepping itself for school and all the bugs awaiting her there

BitOutOfPractice · 04/12/2016 23:04

Anybody tested with no outward symptoms will come back negative. That doesn't mean you do not have the virus. Just that the test does not pick it up unless it is active.

So nobody can say conclusively that they do not carry the virus. The vast majority of the population do carry it. Many many are asymptomatic

This is the kind of stuff that, when not understood, can cause massive problems within relationships, including between employers and employees, let alone in romantic relationships