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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

child pointed toy gun at me

493 replies

morningtoncrescent62 · 03/12/2016 14:14

I know that telling off/not telling off other people's children has been done many times on AIBU. But genuinely not sure whether I was in the wrong here. On the bus this morning, woman got on with two children aged about 5, dressed up, obviously excited about going somewhere. One of the children was dressed as a cowboy, complete with toy gun. I'll admit I hate seeing children playing with guns, but I know not everyone feels the same. They sat behind and across the aisle from me and I was reading a book and trying not to be distracted - they were fairly noisy but not unreasonably so in the circumstances.

A few stops before I was getting off I looked up to find the child with the toy gun pointing it at me and pulling the trigger repeatedly. The woman hadn't seen as she was rootling about in her bag. So I said to the child, not sharply but firmly, 'Please don't point your gun at me, it isn't very nice'. The woman looked up and apologised. Then she took the child on her lap for a cuddle and started a loud conversation with the other one about how adults sometimes talk to children instead of the adult who is with them and this is bad and wrong. Which is OK if it's her position, but nothing at all about how sometimes when you point guns at people and pretend to shoot them they don't like it and they ask you not to. I was tempted to say to her that if her child was too young to be asked by strangers not to point his toy gun at them, then he was too young to be allowed to play with it in a public place - but I was about to get off the bus so I didn't.

So, MN jury, WIBU to speak directly to the child?

OP posts:
ZippyNeedsFeeding · 03/12/2016 18:38

Thank you OP. As the lone pacifist in a strongly military family, I sometimes worry that I am a bit over the top with regard to weapons. Now I can see how very reasonable I actually am!

demonchilde · 03/12/2016 18:38

If we ban guns from small children then we risk making them an object of fascination and are more likely to continue with the fascination as they grow older

I agree with that now, and do wonder now if my eldest DS's career choice, or at least his interest in shooting and guns, is related to me banning them as a child. His little friend was toy gun obsessed yet he is now works in a bank.

Anyway, I don't think OP should be ridiculed or told she's a crank for not wanting a toy gun waved at her. There could be all manner of reasons for that, and if she asked for the child to stop, that should have just been accepted. I also think though that the OP would have handled it better had she made her request a little bit more gentle and humourous given the child's age.

MistressMolecules · 03/12/2016 18:39

I don't agree with guns (toy or otherwise), I won't let my children play with guns (although knowing this and having had a gun - probably a toy but it was dark - pointed at her in the past my Mum she still chose to buy my child a gun and laugh about it - but that is a whole other thread for another day). Not playing with guns has done my eldest (14) no harm.

But in that situation I probably wouldn't have said anything to the child and I wouldn't have joined in with the "fun" as previous posters suggested they may. However, if you felt uncomfortable then I don't think you did anything wrong, although it may have been better directing that to the parent (in a polite way).

usual · 03/12/2016 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirChenjin · 03/12/2016 18:40

You think you've seen all levels of batshit crazy on MN - and then another gem comes along Grin Grin

OP - YABU on so many levels I don't even know where to begin, but it's made me smile Grin

WLF46 · 03/12/2016 18:43

You were right to remonstrate with the child but should have had a go at the parent as well. You should never point a gun at anyone, loaded or unloaded. This applies with children especially. What the fuck the child was doing with one in a public place like a bus anyway?

The law in Britain is very strict. You cannot carry a real or imitation firearm without a damned good reason. Most are banned altogether. This law applies to all types of gun, the fact it was a toy is not an excuse in law. I assume it was a replica of a pre-1870 firearm (you say the child was dressed as a cowboy). This would be legal to own, but you cannot carry it around with you!

The child was just being a child but the parent should exercise more common sense. Shooting strangers on a bus will lead to trouble further down the line. The child won't necessarily become involved in gun crime, but without a doubt they will grow up with the view that a stranger's life is not worth very much. Toy guns today, tragedy tomorrow.

AmysTiara · 03/12/2016 18:45

I think you totally overreacted op.

Serialweightwatcher · 03/12/2016 18:47

The gun bit wouldn't bother me in the slightest - he was playing ... as far as you being offended by it, then yes I think you were right to speak to the child and not the mum because some mum's are slack waits for backlash and their children are always right, so talking to her (obviously by the way she carried on anyway) would have been a waste of time

DistanceCall · 03/12/2016 18:48

A 5-year old pointed at you with his toy gun and you throw a hissy fit?

FFS.

WeDoNotSow · 03/12/2016 18:48

without a doubt they will grow up with the view that a stranger's life is not worth very much 😂😂🙈
From pretending to be a cowboy?!? 😂😂

usual · 03/12/2016 18:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 03/12/2016 18:50

I was playing He-Man - how would I defeat the baddies without a gun.

With your sword! He-Man never had a gun....FFS! Hmm

:o

DotForShort · 03/12/2016 18:53

Never, never let your gun
pointed be at anyone.
That it may unloaded be
matters not the least to me.

Sorry, had to get that out of my system. I am not a fan of toy guns (to put it mildly), and I don't like to see children point them at people. I probably wouldn't have said anything to this child, because other parents view such issues differently and I can live with that. However, I can understand why someone might be uncomfortable enough to address the child directly.

The mother behaved badly IMO. I can't stand that passive aggressive thing of pretending to talk to your child when you are really aiming your words at someone else.

Mynestisfullofempty · 03/12/2016 18:56

WLF46 What would you have done in the OP's position? Phoned the police to say someone on a bus was aiming a replica gun at passengers? Hmm
I still want to know how the OP would have reacted if the child was pointing something else at her, pretending it was a gun. Still complained? The toy gun was no more dangerous than a carrot stick or a 5 yr old's fingers.

TheGruffaloMother · 03/12/2016 19:02

I wouldn't have been concerned about being polite. If parents aren't going to teach children that they shouldn't point guns at random strangers, then it's fine for the random stranger to do it

A plastic toy gun =/= an actual gun.

HTH.

(Can hardly believe that's a reminder that needs saying.)

Completely agree with PP who asked precisely what children are supposed to do with toy guns if not point them at the objects/people they're pretending to shoot.

awayinamazda · 03/12/2016 19:03

'You were right to remonstrate with the child '

I don't agree at all with this; no one was in danger, you should have spoken to the parent - it sounds as if the child was frightened by u telling him off, and it was entirely unnecessary.

If u couldn't just ignore him (which is what I'd expect my kids to be able to do, in that situation, from about the age of 8), u should have spoken to his mother.

didofido · 03/12/2016 19:08

I never allowed my DC to point toy guns at anyone who was not part of their game.
Of course it's harmless, but it's also very impolite.

SemiNormal · 03/12/2016 19:09

It's nice to have a thread from a bus nutter rather than about one - Fucking rude! I hate people using the term 'nutter' almost as much as I hate kids pointing replica guns at people.

user1479495984 · 03/12/2016 19:10

Lots of people grow up around legal guns. They're not all bad.

YWBU to do anyone other than pretend to be shot.

NiceFalafels · 03/12/2016 19:13

You were fine to tell him that as long as you did it appropriately.

Crazy mother though!!

usual · 03/12/2016 19:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mynestisfullofempty · 03/12/2016 19:15

The Op wasn't even facing the child. He was behind her. Why the hell she couldn't have taken no notice of what a 5 yr old was doing and carried on reading her book is completely beyond me. She wasn't in any danger.

StrangeLookingParasite · 03/12/2016 19:17

Shooting strangers on a bus will lead to trouble further down the line. The child won't necessarily become involved in gun crime, but without a doubt they will grow up with the view that a stranger's life is not worth very much. Toy guns today, tragedy tomorrow.

Best unintentional humour post of the day (and possibly the week).

Welcome to Hyperbole-land.

WeDoNotSow · 03/12/2016 19:17

That's the maddest part to me too MyNest that he was behind her.
OP, was it the first time you looked at the kid?
I'm just saying, if you were looking ocassionally the child might have took that as you joining in.

Guavaf1sh · 03/12/2016 19:19

YABU