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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's not ok to pick the flowers

158 replies

GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 12:21

I live on a street that has trees dotted along the pavements. There is a tree immediately outside my house. Like some of the other residents on the street, I have planted flowers around the base of the tree. It looks lovely and I think helps to make the road look loved and cared for by the people that live there.

Just now I was tidying in my front living room and saw a woman with a little boy knelt down by the tree in front of my house. The boy started picking some of the flowers and then they started to walk off. I went to the door, said "excuse me, your son has just picked the flowers that I've planted". The woman said she was sorry but she didn't think they belonged to anyone, her son wanted to pick the flowers so she said he could.

I responded that surely she knew that someone would have planted them and asked why was she letting her son pick flowers that someone has taken the time to enjoy. She shrugged and said she lets her son pick flowers and again that she didn't think they were anyone's.

I think this is a really weird attitude. It's a small thing but in planting those flowers I've tried to make this little patch of land look nice, for anyone walking past to enjoy and it pisses me off that this woman is teaching her kid that it's ok to pick the flowers (no doubt to be dropped on the ground and forgotten about 2 minutes later).

BTW, I am well aware that this land doesn't belong to me, but in the same way that people hopefully wouldn't let their kids pick flowers from a park or some other public land where flowers have been planted for everyone's enjoyment, I don't think it's ok to do the same in this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 13:11

I'm going to add some more flowers there this weekend, if they all get ripped up I guess I'll know who the culprit is Smile

OP posts:
JustanotherMortificado · 03/12/2016 13:11

Regardless of who planted them you don't pick flowers in a public place, parks etc. I wouldn't let my kids.but sadly as it's not your property people will do what they like.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 03/12/2016 13:11

I don't think anyone's arguing you shouldn't let children pick your own flowers (in your garden or your mum's garden), gah.

SpeakNoWords · 03/12/2016 13:12

Presumably Grandma doesn't mind some of her flowers in her garden being picked! It's really not the same thing at all.

WLF46 · 03/12/2016 13:12

I agree with you that it was thoughtless of her. In you position I would be annoyed about it, about the time and effort I had spent not being recognised.

I think she was being thoughtless more than selfish though. She didn't give a thought to who planted them, that didn't even cross her mind. To my mind these are two different things - an intentional attempt to trample on someone else's rights without caring, or not even being aware that they were doing so. Thoughtless or selfish, the outcome is the same though.

I commend you for your attempt to make the street look prettier and for having the courage to politely confront the woman - it will perhaps make her be more thoughtful in the future. Unfortunately I think that whatever an area is like, there will be somebody who spoils things in situations like this. Someone will pick them without thinking about who planted them. Someone else will feel "entitled" and not give a damn about the person who planted them. Someone else will just be a complete (insert expletive here) and deliberately vandalise them.

Even in a "nice" street with "nice" residents, you can't stop people passing through. I hope you plant some more flowers and keep trying to make your street as pleasant as possible, but while this particular woman hopefully won't trouble you again, don't be too surprised if something similar happens again. Even if only 1 in 10,000 people are like this woman, eventually the "wrong" person will walk past.

In summary: I'm not saying the woman was right or you were wrong. But I think she was just being a bit clueless rather than intentionally wanting to take advantage of someone.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/12/2016 13:12

WLF - don't you get tired of always being a dissenting voice on every single thread you're on? I'm begging to wonder if you actually hold these thoughts or just enjoy the arguement?

JustCallMeKate · 03/12/2016 13:12

I spent hours last autumn planting approx 250 daffodil bulbs along our drive. Spring comes, families like to walk in the countryside and let their children run riot along my drive picking my flipping flowers. I don't plant them for children to take a nice bunch to an adoring mummy looking on misty eyed 🙄 I also had one parent complain that my dogs weren't on a lead after they appeared over the ledge where the flowers are. He wasn't happy when I pointed out he was on private land and pointed to the signs. Some people are just fucking rude.

ChuckGravestones · 03/12/2016 13:13

It's not just about people enjoying the flowers though is it - nectar at this time of the year is in rare supply, it helps to keep insects going throughout the winter so picking flowers randomly actually reduces the nectar that insects have available. They need people to just keep their sticky paws off the bloody flowers! Enjoy them on the actual plant.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 03/12/2016 13:16

YANBU - it's selfish & rude to pick flowers that you have not planted yourself (or Grandma if she's happy).

I'm assuming you missed DaffodilGate this spring (or the one before). The thread was MASSIVE and quite a bunfight! There are a lot of selfish people out there who think it's just fine to let kids pick flowers that have been planted for the entire community, not just one little snowflake.

GahBuggerit · 03/12/2016 13:17

they arent always from my garden, mils neighbour has a giant flower bush of some description that pokes through their fence. i must admit i wouldnt have thought twice about letting him pick 1 or 2 from round a tree as op describes and it woulfnt occur to me that a resident would have planted them, although id prob be more concerned that theh would be covered in cat and dog wee

GahBuggerit · 03/12/2016 13:20

hmm.....actially if they looked like very nice flowrrs i dont think id let him pick them. what about dandelions and daisies? he often come in clutching these for me, not so much now obvs

Finelinebetweenchaos · 03/12/2016 13:21

YANBU.

I think flowers that have been clearly planted by someone are not for picking. In this case I would have thought they were planted by the council but it doesn't really matter. They are not yours to pick.

The exception is flowers that are very clearly weeds - so my DD know she can always pick dandelions and daisies in the park but nothing else.

blackeagles · 03/12/2016 13:21

Yanbu - It's just crap parenting. Bar daisies and buttercups I would only let my DC pick flowers we had planted.

Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 13:21

WLF46 I agree that it probably just didn't occur to her to not let her son pick the flowers, and that's really why I dithered for a moment before speaking to her. I genuinely hope I didn't upset her, just want to her to be a bit more thoughtful next time and realise that someone has spent time caring for a little patch of land by planting the flowers. A few different people on my street have done the same thing and I think it looks lovely- I think it's a good thing that people spend a wee bit of time caring for their local area.

I don't in any way think that she's not "nice".

Anyway, the good thing about today is that it has spurred me on to get some more bulbs to plant in that little patch.

OP posts:
Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 13:23

GahBuggerit if it makes a difference, they are very obviously individually planted flowers.

OP posts:
FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 03/12/2016 13:24

YANBU - okay - it isn't your land as such, but if they are obviously flowers, as opposed to weeds, she knows someone has planted them, even if she thins it's the council. And you don't take flowers out of planted areas, full stop.

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 13:25

My local park has always had mass fields of daffodils, not just borders, but complete fields of them. Tbh i don't think an entire field of flowers look nice at all, borders yes, but just a mass of plants, no. Some local kids would pick5 or 6 as a small bunch for their mums, there were always literally hundreds if not thousands left, you couldn't even tell ant had been taken. I have no issue with this what so ever, and yes, sometimes when i was about 7 or 8 i'd beg my dad to take me to get a few for my mum (they were her favourite flower) and it was the only way to get the white ones with the orange trumpets. As an adult i actually dislike flowers, i wouldn't have them in my own home as the smell makes me ill, but i do buy a bunch for my mums grave every few weeks in the warmer months. Would i pick any now myself? No, but i still have no issue with kids doing it, under circumstances like my local park where theres literally tens of thousands of daffodils in mass fields. Picking from borders, walking past peoples gardens, or the boxes they put on railings of course not, but a few out of a sea of thousands, where's the harm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/12/2016 13:25

YANBU OP, there are some really dim-witted, entitled people out there who are 'bringing up' a future generation who will be the same.

It's not the fact that it's just flowers (you'd have to be a bit thick to not see that really), it's about the fact that they're not yours and they're obviously planted by other people to be enjoyed by everybody.

The entitled attitudes on this thread are disgraceful.

Lorelei76 · 03/12/2016 13:26

Yanbu

To me thoughtless and selfish are the same with deliberate planned nastiness on a separate level. It is selfish to pick flowers that are there for everyone to look at.

MissVictoria · 03/12/2016 13:26

Considering it isn't your land though, it could be counted as vandalism for you to be digging it up, even if it is to plant flowers.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/12/2016 13:27

Dandelions, daisies and buttercups are prolific weeds. Pretty ones, but weeds. You're doing everyone a favour if you pick those - saves them going to seed (well the dandelions, anyway) - unless you pick the clocks and blow them, which is also a childhood "thing". But that's still ok.

However, cultivated non-weed flowers that have been planted by someone - not ok. And wildflowers (as distinct from weeds) - also not ok.

But also good to remember what a PP said about dwindling nectar availability at this time of year.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/12/2016 13:28

That's a stretch and a half, MissVictoria!

user1479495984 · 03/12/2016 13:28

Yanbu.

The only flowers it's acceptable to pick are Daisy's for daisy chains.

Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 13:29

MissVictoria I'll take my chances Smile

OP posts:
ragingsister · 03/12/2016 13:30

Yanbu in my opinion. I like to look at flowers but feel no need to pick them.

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