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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's not ok to pick the flowers

158 replies

GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 12:21

I live on a street that has trees dotted along the pavements. There is a tree immediately outside my house. Like some of the other residents on the street, I have planted flowers around the base of the tree. It looks lovely and I think helps to make the road look loved and cared for by the people that live there.

Just now I was tidying in my front living room and saw a woman with a little boy knelt down by the tree in front of my house. The boy started picking some of the flowers and then they started to walk off. I went to the door, said "excuse me, your son has just picked the flowers that I've planted". The woman said she was sorry but she didn't think they belonged to anyone, her son wanted to pick the flowers so she said he could.

I responded that surely she knew that someone would have planted them and asked why was she letting her son pick flowers that someone has taken the time to enjoy. She shrugged and said she lets her son pick flowers and again that she didn't think they were anyone's.

I think this is a really weird attitude. It's a small thing but in planting those flowers I've tried to make this little patch of land look nice, for anyone walking past to enjoy and it pisses me off that this woman is teaching her kid that it's ok to pick the flowers (no doubt to be dropped on the ground and forgotten about 2 minutes later).

BTW, I am well aware that this land doesn't belong to me, but in the same way that people hopefully wouldn't let their kids pick flowers from a park or some other public land where flowers have been planted for everyone's enjoyment, I don't think it's ok to do the same in this situation.

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/12/2016 12:41

Yanbu, the council where I live have planted lovely daffodils and tulips on all the roundabouts and approaching roads, they look lovely, it drives me and to see people picking them, if you want flowers but them or grow them but leave others alone for everyone to enjoy

FrancisCrawford · 03/12/2016 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WobblyLondoner · 03/12/2016 12:42

YANBU Plants and flowers look nice, they improve the immediate area for everyone. If someone picks them they are gone. It doesn't matter who planted them.

I'd be v upset if my DC did this.

SpeakNoWords · 03/12/2016 12:42

I don't think anyone would object to picking daisies or dandelions growing in grass. That's not the same as picking the flowers planted in the borders though.

Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 12:43

NoCapes I guess the point is that if everyone went around picking the flowers in parks, along footpaths, anywhere, then they wouldn't be there for people to enjoy. Councils, private companies and anyone else who spends time and money planting flowers to make an area look a bit nicer may well stop bothering to do so if people are just going to go and pick them.

It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but I just wish people were a bit more...thoughtful. That's all.

OP posts:
FilthyKeyboard · 03/12/2016 12:43

Absolutely people should not pick flowers, whether they're wild or cultivated.

sleepyhead · 03/12/2016 12:43

I made "perfume" out of rose petals as did all my friends, but we were taught to only use petals that had dropped, not take flowers off the bushes.

(Of course we didn't always do that but we'd have known the blame lay squarely with us if we were caught.)

DailyMailSucksAss · 03/12/2016 12:45

Some of my best childhood memories involve picking flowers and making them into hairpieces and 'jewellry'. I think it's such a shame that there are so many posts here saying it's wrong. If OP didn't want the flowers picked she should have put up a sign.

Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 12:45

Nocabbageinmyeye I love seeing displays of flowers like that too Smile especially when they are in some otherwise unloved-looking place like a roundabout.

OP posts:
WLF46 · 03/12/2016 12:45

If it's communal land I can understand why someone feels that the flowers "don't belong to anybody." I can see why you find it annoying (and I would too) but by abandoning something on communal land then you are effectively giving up the right of ownership to it. (You are still responsible for what you abandon, but don't have the right to it.)

You think it's selfish of the woman to allow her child to pick them, but from her point of view the flowers don't belong to anyone. Why would she consider it selfish if she thinks the flowers on communal land belong to the community, of which she is part of?

There is no real difference between this and someone picking flowers while walking in the countryside, or picking up shells from the beach. It is taking something that doesn't belong to them, from land that isn't their own. Yes, there are more flowers or shells and "nobody will miss them", but it is no more or less acceptable than picking flowers in the street. Would you pick fruit from a tree in the street, or object if a child picked up some conkers? It's technically the same as objecting to the person picking the flowers.

Could you put up a notice in the street somewhere asking people not to pick the flowers because the residents take time and effort to plant and tend to them? This would stop most reasonable people from picking them.

Think of the woman too. There she is, taking her child for a walk, helping cultivate her child's interest in nature, when someone shouts at her for allowing her child to pick them. She doesn't know they are "your" flowers and you should remember that just because you know it, doesn't mean she automatically will.

user1477282676 · 03/12/2016 12:45

Potato if OP had addressed the child then THAT would have been out of order. She correctly approached the adult. Should she have written a note and passed it to the woman in fear of offending the kid? He might think twice now before picking flowers that don't belong to him.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 03/12/2016 12:45

Fair enough GiveMeShade ...I'm projecting a little bit because when I was little I was in a similar situation (albeit not involving flowers) and I still remember it to this day. Although that person was actually quite nutty whereas you sound very reasonable.

user1477282676 · 03/12/2016 12:46

WLF Sigh. If people pick the flowers then they are not visible any longer for others to enjoy the sight of.

AND walking in the countryside and picking flowers is also bad form. They're often protected. You should not pick wild flowers either.

JosephineMaynard · 03/12/2016 12:48

YANBU.

Flowers in public places are there for everyone to enjoy looking at. If everyone who liked flowers was to pick one to put behind their ear or carry around, there soon wouldn't be any at all.

SpeakNoWords · 03/12/2016 12:49

If they don't belong to anyone then no one should pick them, as they aren't theirs to pick!

The woman wasn't shouted at, she was told not to pick the flowers. Cultivating an interest in nature involves learning not to destroy it for your own selfish pleasure.

Original poster
GiveMeShade · 03/12/2016 12:51

WLF46 in response to "Think of the woman too. There she is, taking her child for a walk, helping cultivate her child's interest in nature, when someone shouts at her for allowing her child to pick them."

You can cultivate a child's interest in nature without picking flowers. I feel like I'm being repetitive by keeping going back to this point- but if everyone goes and picks flowers, there wouldn't be any left for everyone else to enjoy. It's just about being considerate I think.

Also, I absolutely did not shout at this woman. I spoke to her, didn't raise my voice or say anything horrible.

OP posts:
MadHattersWineParty · 03/12/2016 12:53

I always thought that flowers you saw out and about were not for picking, whether in a park or by the side of the road or whatever. I just thought that was the norm.

YANBU OP, it's selfish to 'let' your kid pick flowers. Just like it's selfish to let your kid run after birds. Just leave things alone!

LRDtheFeministDragon · 03/12/2016 13:00

YANBU. Children should be taught not to steal, whether that's from someone else's garden or the council's planting or whatever.

Jacquinta · 03/12/2016 13:04

YANBU.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/12/2016 13:05

YANBU. Where I used to live in the UK, there were lots of daffodils planted along the side of the road by the Council. There were also notices from the Council telling people NOT to pick the flowers. This didn't deter some, of course! But no, they're not "free for all" - they're not bloody wild flowers, some one has paid for the bulbs and planted them so that everyone can enjoy them, not just some selfish person who can't be arsed to buy their own!

Cherryskypie · 03/12/2016 13:06

WLF46 it is just like picking flowers while walking in the countryside. You don't do it!

aretheyhavingalaff · 03/12/2016 13:07

It's actually theft, believe it or not. Sad that some people have no regard for someone else's property.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/12/2016 13:07

oh and beaches - I have seen notices on beaches asking people to NOT take the stones/sand (because if everyone did there'd be none left). Never the shells though, they're fair game...

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/12/2016 13:08

The only flowers that arent of limits of being picked are daisies and buttercups.

I do recall an incident of my son picking a daffodil and becoming quite upset when I said he shouldn't of picked it. I did feel rather mean that day as he had picked it for me. A compromise was had, we agreed that no other flowers (accept those stated above) would be picked and we took the one flower home and displayed in a little glass.

GahBuggerit · 03/12/2016 13:09

i thought letting little children pick a few flowers was one of the 'little things', i love it when ds comes home from grandmas with a couple of flowers hes picked for me. i can see it from both sides tbh