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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this stingy?

139 replies

baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 14:53

Grandma receives a free Confused.com robot in the post as she used the website for taking out home insurance.

A week or so later she wraps it up and gives it to her 7 yo granddaughter for her birthday.

Granddaughter is easily pleased - it says things when you press a button and it goes forwards after you pull it backwards.

Parents are bemused but decide to say nothing as daughter is happy. GM enquires as to whether she liked it and what it does.

GM has often been described as tight - has no money worries.

AIBU for thinking the gift was a bit stingy? Or are we ungrateful?

OP posts:
TataEs · 02/12/2016 16:36

when i was 7 dfs were giving away a family of teddy bears when you bought a sofa. i was 7 so could read and knew they were free. i wasn't much bothered by them, i wasn't really into soft toys at that age.
my parents bought the sofa. i got the family of bears from my grandmother for christmas a few weeks later. even at 7 i felt a bit confused as to why i was getting a free gift from a sofa my parents bought. i didn't even like teddy bears!

i think it's a bit tight to not put any thought into what would make your dd happy rather than just giving her a free toy, for her birthday... i still remember it, nearly 30years on....

she's weird my nana tho, grew up in an orphanage, no one bought her a christmas present until my dad was old enough to work and buy her one. subsequently her idea of gift giving is a little off bless her! last year she asked for socks! this year it's bathroom scale!

Cloudylemons · 02/12/2016 16:37

I'd have given the free robot as a gift, just for fun, the next time I saw the child, and a different present for my grandchild's birthday. But my own mother now doesn't give any presents to her grandchildren, she's just using that as a way to hurt me (long story) so in our house the free robot would at least have been a present!

BobbieDog · 02/12/2016 16:39

It is abit tight tbh.

However my dd is 4 and has never received a card or gift from dh family. They dont do gifts and cards apparently!

TrickyD · 02/12/2016 16:39

Bacon I share your problems with spending money on myself. My DM was very thrifty, fair enough, she, like most people had to be careful during the war years and aftermath. But she was very reluctant to buy herself things even when she was comfortably off and very disapproving of me. I remember when she was staying with us I bought two dresses. "You spend a lot of money on yourself" . I had a professional well paid job and needed to look smart.She still managed to make me feel guilty.
This persists even now. I find it really hard to buy clothes costing more than Primark prices. In the summer I was tortured with guilt for buying two lovely 'East' dress for about £200. DH thinks I am nuts, as we can well afford such 'extravagance'. But Mum, who died in 1993, is still clucking disapprovingly.

Sorry about that Bacon , but you touched a nerve.

Given all that, of course I think YABU. Xmas Wink

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:48

Yes - I see a lot of similarities here Tricky. Her upbringing was quite frugal too but she's had a well paid job and good disposable income for many decades now. My husband also thinks I'm bonkers for worrying about buying things I need!

OP posts:
Iwantamarshmallow · 04/12/2016 16:11

When it's GMs birthday return the favor and give her somthing from DC you got free.

Winemamma · 04/12/2016 16:22

YANBU op. Ok if it was with other gifts from a grandparent but not on it's on in my opinion.

Winemamma · 04/12/2016 16:23

On its own even

ShowMePotatoSalad · 04/12/2016 16:25

Why does your grandma have to get something off the list? Maybe she looked at the list and thought she'd get her something a bit different...maybe she'd like this robot.

I like the sound of grandma personally.

PNGirl · 04/12/2016 16:25

My grandparents on both sides would have given me the robot on arrival and then a separate birthday present.

It's a well-known freebie. I'm not sure I would equate it to, say, popping in a DKNY freebie makeup bag I got with some perfume as part of a friend's gift.

ShadowMane · 04/12/2016 16:31

i'm not trying to 'diagnose over the internet'

but is this (it doesn't appear to have been given with much thought at all though. It wasn't even opened from the original parcel that was sent to DM's home. So DD opened the wrapping paper to reveal a brown box with a postage label with DM's address on it - all sellotaped up.) out of character?

mandbaby · 04/12/2016 16:35

I think grandma is tight. Fair enough, wrap it up and give it as a gift but with something else. Like someone else already said, insurance isn't free and the "free" gift was really paid for as part of her insurance, but she'd have been buying her insurance regardless of anyone's birthday. She should have bought her a gift. It's cheap and cheeky, and all those that say otherwise are trying to make you feel guilty for (rightly) feeling the way you do

LemonSqueezy0 · 04/12/2016 16:36

I think your daughter sounds much nicer than you are coming across tbh... You said your DD liked it before the convenient drip feed, but that still means the GM got her something not on the usual list and it was a hit. They both seem happy, so I'm a bit unsure why you're so bothered, is it about the money? Is it about the gift? It doesn't seem to be about your daughters happiness....

5foot5 · 04/12/2016 16:41

I am with Mrs Terry Pritchett on this one.

I am not much younger than the GM in question but if I had a 7 yo GD who was in to "fairy things and cots for her dolly" I would be seriously tempted to introduce a robot or similar.

When DD was about that age we got a magazine to build a robot in fortnightly instalments.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/12/2016 16:41

I wouldn't give a freebie as a gift, I'd have just given it to her. It feels very very tight.

PhilODox · 04/12/2016 16:47

If the child liked it, I don't think it matters at all. I don't expect anyone to spend time and money on my children except me and my husband. Anyone that does, is a bonus!

GreenShadow · 04/12/2016 16:53

Sounds infinitely sensible to me. There's far too much obsession with spending a fortune on children these days (makes me sound about 80 - I'm not, honest). She has a possible gift. Why not give it?

cosytoaster · 04/12/2016 16:58

I think it's stingy, I'm really surprised so may people don't...and v thankful that no one in my family would dream of being so tightfisted.

Crazycatlady123 · 04/12/2016 17:00

YANBU. Thoughtless and tight. I'm surprised there was no 'proper' thought-out gift to go with the freebie. Can't understand the people saying YABU I really don't!

This has reminded me of the time my MIL wrapped up an Estée Lauder free gift bag and gave it to me for Christmas - to be clear not the actual lovely free gifts you get, but the bag the free gifts came in 😂

GeorgeTheThird · 04/12/2016 17:02

I think you need to look at it from Gran's point of view. She's got something she doesn't want and she was brought up not to waste things. This thing suits a child and there's a birthday coming up. I think what she did is ok. Especially as she is normally thoughtful. No worse than regifting, and a lot of people do that!

falange · 04/12/2016 17:28

YABU. It's a gift. Be grateful you have grandparents around to give your child presents

Katy07 · 04/12/2016 17:32

GM has toy that she doesn't want to play with herself. It's brand new. It's kinda cool. She thinks her GD might enjoy it because - it's a brand new, cool toy. And people think that's wrong because....... Confused
If you think your DD deserves better (more expensive) then I'd love the robot. And your GM too as I've not got one.

PlanIsNoPlan · 04/12/2016 17:33

Unless you can think of something else that GM could have done with this robot that she didn't ask for, the only stingy person is you. Her GD was happy with it, a 'useless' item found a 'use' only the Gifter didn't spend money to purchase it. And?

daisypond · 04/12/2016 17:40

I think it's fine. A robot is a good toy for a child, especially if they think they're not interested in them. I don't understand the "even if it's only worth £5 or £10" comment. £10 would be a perfectly decent amount to spend on a present from a grandma. The gift has been "thought out" - she thought the grandchild would like it. It's no different from wandering around the shops blankly and buying the first thing she finds there.

megletthesecond · 04/12/2016 17:51

Personally I think it's fine.

But if it's very out of character maybe you need to check she isn't struggling with (or trying to cover) poor memory or illness.