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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this stingy?

139 replies

baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 14:53

Grandma receives a free Confused.com robot in the post as she used the website for taking out home insurance.

A week or so later she wraps it up and gives it to her 7 yo granddaughter for her birthday.

Granddaughter is easily pleased - it says things when you press a button and it goes forwards after you pull it backwards.

Parents are bemused but decide to say nothing as daughter is happy. GM enquires as to whether she liked it and what it does.

GM has often been described as tight - has no money worries.

AIBU for thinking the gift was a bit stingy? Or are we ungrateful?

OP posts:

DailyMailSucksAss · 02/12/2016 15:23

But it's not it was a gran.

NerdsAndMonsters · 02/12/2016 15:23

It's mean IMO.
If she didn't want the robot freebie, yes pass it on but she should have bought your DD a proper birthday present too.
Thoughtless & stingy.

19lottie82 · 02/12/2016 15:24

Still an immediate family member, prob the closest your can get after DM and DF (apart from child siblings) - it's stingy and mean.

shovetheholly · 02/12/2016 15:26

If DGM is short of money, no. If she's loaded, yes. The gift could have been accompanied by something useful - clothes, books, etc.

KinkyAfro · 02/12/2016 15:26

She could've donated it to a kids Christmas toy charity and got your DD something from her list

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 15:28

Oops - didn't mean to dripfeed but DD isn't into robots, has never been into robots - GM asked for DD's wishlist (fairy things, cot for her dolly, pencil case etc)

And yet you also said I that 'daughter is happy' with the gift. So she's got a gift that a) she was happy with and b) might expand her interests*. Sounds like a win-win to me, to be honest.

I can see why you think it's a bit tight, but the outcome is that your daughter got a present she was pleased with and she doesn't know her grandma didn't pay anything for it. Plus, I think the previous generation are maybe more inclined to be less wasteful - what you see as being stingy grandma probably just sees as being sensible.

Also, just because someone has 'no money worries' that doesn't mean they have to spend money for the sake of it when it's not entirely necessary. It's up to her to decide what is/isn't a waste of money, and in her mind buying a toy when she already has a perfectly nice, brand-new one sitting there would probably seem wasteful.

My mum definitely 're-gifts' things that other people have bought for her if she doesn't like them. She isn't stingy at all, but equally she grew up with practically nothing and remembers rationing from her childhood, so she is very of the mindset that you shouldn't waste things.

*I'm not saying there's anything wrong with her other interests, obviously, just that it's nice for her to discover something new.

MrsJayy · 02/12/2016 15:30

I think it is a bit stingy tbh no thought really but i have inlaws who gave their child a bike we pased on for free for Christmas one year i was and i had to tell dd to shush and not say it was her bike

happychristmasbum · 02/12/2016 15:30

It wouldn't worry me at all....

Feefeefs · 02/12/2016 15:31

So stingy!!!

DramaInPyjamas · 02/12/2016 15:31

Because it's free doesn't make it any less of a gift.
I enter loads of comps online and have won tonnes of stuff that I give as gifts.

nancy75 · 02/12/2016 15:31

Buying your grandchild a gift is not spending money for the sake of it. The idea of a gift is to give a person something they want/will like not just any old tat you happen to have that you don't want

Katinkka · 02/12/2016 15:32

Super tight. Wtf

raspberryblush23 · 02/12/2016 15:32

I seen that confused.com robot in home bargains today for about £5 I think. I think it's stingy if she's got plenty of money!

TrickyD · 02/12/2016 15:32

Is Grandma your DM or your MIL?

NerdsAndMonsters · 02/12/2016 15:34

I couldn't imagine either my DM or MIL doing that.
I think it's unusual

TheHouseOfIllRepute · 02/12/2016 15:37

I think it's tight but on MN you have to be happy with a bit of coal otherwise you are a gold digging mercenary

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/12/2016 15:37

Granny is opening up her horizons.

Cornettoninja · 02/12/2016 15:40

I'm not sure stingy is the right word. I can see the logic behind toy =present definitely.

I know lots of people would have given something in addition but there's no real obligation and if she usually only gives a present, chances are it didn't occur to her.

On balance I think Yabu. In the absence of any other reason to think badly of someone, I find life is much more pleasant if you presume people's intentions are good.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 02/12/2016 15:40

I understand where you're coming from but I think, on balance, YABU.

It's similar to the situation I'm in. DP and I buy presents for our own friends and family from our 'own' money, ie, the money we each keep for our spends, rather than what goes into the joint pot.

This year, DP has given me a few things he'd bought as presents, but then decided they're not quite right, but won't take the money for them. So in effect they're free to me. A couple I'll give from the both of us to reflect this, but one is to a friend's child and will be just from me (he barely knows DP and it just makes more sense).

I've bought the child something silly to go with it, and DP found something else that would be perfect the other day. I would have bought it, but it cost as much as I'd have spent on the lad altogether. Although, on the one hand, you could say that as I haven't really spent anything on him I should get it, but on the other what he is getting is already as much as I would have spent, and I don't want to move the goalposts, a) because I'd have to buy his sister something else otherwise it'll look as though I'm favouring him, and b) what would happen next year?

Costacoffeeplease · 02/12/2016 15:42

You sound pretty ungrateful tbh

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 15:42

Buying your grandchild a gift is not spending money for the sake of it. The idea of a gift is to give a person something they want/will like not just any old tat you happen to have that you don't want

Sure, but the child did like it. The OP said her daughter was happy with it, so to the daughter (who is the important one in all this) it isn't any old tat - it's a present from grandma that she liked.

I think it's honestly just a case of grandma thinking 'Oh, this is a really nice toy they've sent me - it's about right for a child granddaughter's age and it looks like fun, so that's her present sorted out and now it won't go to waste.' I get why people are interpreting it as stingy, but I think it's just a really subjective thing and that one person's stingy is another person's sensible. Personally, I probably wouldn't give a freebie as a gift, but I don't have a problem with other people doing so.

The OP also said that in previous years grandma has bought something from the kid's list, so even if it was stingy, it's only a one-off and not really anything to be offended by, in my view.

Every1lovesPatsy · 02/12/2016 15:45

sensible in my opinion, child is happy and no one has contributed even more to the plastic tat mountain.

Timeforabiscuit · 02/12/2016 15:51

Its awesome!, now you have someone to regift to!

Think of all that overly scented cream you can send on its merry way! No need for any thought or consideration at all now

And of course the kids artwork from school, she'll appreciate that, what with being older.

thisisafakename · 02/12/2016 15:56

But you said that this is the first year she has not bought something from the wishlist, so is it really such a huge thing if, as a one-off, she gives her something she got for free?

I would just leave it tbh. Also, someone can present as having no money worries, but in fact they do. Is this your DM or MIL?

lilyb84 · 02/12/2016 15:58

How old is gran? This is exactly the sort of thing I'd expect from an older generation, not wanting something to go to waste, so would agree with a pp that she probably saw it and thought it would be nice for her granddaughter given the timing.

However if my mum, who's a gran but is a generation younger than the generation I'm generalising about above, did this I'd think it was stingy as she'd know better.

If that makes any sense. And isn't too ageist...!

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