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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this stingy?

139 replies

baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 14:53

Grandma receives a free Confused.com robot in the post as she used the website for taking out home insurance.

A week or so later she wraps it up and gives it to her 7 yo granddaughter for her birthday.

Granddaughter is easily pleased - it says things when you press a button and it goes forwards after you pull it backwards.

Parents are bemused but decide to say nothing as daughter is happy. GM enquires as to whether she liked it and what it does.

GM has often been described as tight - has no money worries.

AIBU for thinking the gift was a bit stingy? Or are we ungrateful?

OP posts:
Mishmashpotatoes · 02/12/2016 15:58

I seen it in Home Bargains yesterday for the grand sum of £1.99.
Super stingy if you ask me!

SomethingLikeFlying · 02/12/2016 15:58

I'm with you OP I think it's stingy. I think it's fine to give as a gift but with an actual present she's put some thought in to and bought as well.

If for example I get a NO7 free gift this Christmas shall I give that to someone as a gift and expect them to be grateful for something I didn't buy and pocketed the money for myself? It's so stingy and I wouldn't dream of doing something like that, unless I bought something to go with it.

I know I won't be popular for this post 😂

MrsJayy · 02/12/2016 16:01

Well granny and confused have contributed to the plastic tatt mountain Hmm

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:02

It's my DM Tricky. I've grown up to have massive massive issues around spending money on myself - I find it almost physically painful and I feel so guilty buying myself new clothes, haircut etc, although we can afford it.

OP posts:
LostMyBigGirlPants · 02/12/2016 16:02

A neighbour gave DS one of those Oleg meertwat things on his birthday, as she'd got it free with her insurance and DS loved it (I didn't, hence its eventual 'mysterious disappearance' - beady-eyed little fecker), but that was a bit different, as she is a neighbour, not family. I don't know tbh - I guess you'll have to see what she comes up with for Christmas. If it's a PG Tips knitted chimp, then you have a right to be annoyed....

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:03

How old is gran?

She's 57

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 02/12/2016 16:04

It doesn't matter how much or little it cost, it is still a gift. My mum is giving me and DH the free telly she got from Sky for our Xmas present. No complaints from me.

YABVU.

diddl · 02/12/2016 16:05

Well it might have been nice to add something from a "wishlist" as well, but I'm torn.

I can see the sense behind what the GM did & presumably if she had bought a cheap present that would also have been stingy since she can afford more.

It's a shame that it's all so material & people can't just be happy that they've been given something!

diddl · 02/12/2016 16:06

" If it's a PG Tips knitted chimp, "

Ooh, I'd love one of those!

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:07

is it really such a huge thing if, as a one-off, she gives her something she got for free?

No - it's not a huge thing. Quite funny, if anything. I'm just gauging opinion (which seems really divided here!) and I'm certainly not going to say anything.

OP posts:
Sirjohnsoanes · 02/12/2016 16:07

I'm a grandma and I love trying to find just the right present for my dgc - I would hand over a freebie as soon as it arrived to the gc most likely to enjoy it and enjoy choosing the perfect birthday present from the wish list .

AliceThrewTheFookingGlass · 02/12/2016 16:11

Does your robot sound like it says "die small person"? My MIL has one and DS plays with it at hers and I'm sure that's what it says ConfusedGrin

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:12

presumably if she had bought a cheap present that would also have been stingy since she can afford more.

No. I don't judge gifts by how much they cost; rather the thought that goes into them and how appropriate they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:13

Ha! That's the one Alice

OP posts:
LostMyBigGirlPants · 02/12/2016 16:13

diddl. You can have the one my ex gave to me one Valentine's Day. You'll find his picture in the dictionary under the definition of 'tightwad' (ex, not the chimp). Other gifts included some gloves he 'found on the train' - I wouldnt have minded if he hadn't felt compelled to tell me!

conserveisposhforjam · 02/12/2016 16:14

Of course YANBU! It's fucking stingy.

She might be within her rights to give whatever she likes but it doesn't make it any less stingy!

User006point5 · 02/12/2016 16:15

I've grown up to have massive massive issues around spending money on myself - I find it almost physically painful and I feel so guilty buying myself new clothes, haircut etc, although we can afford it.
I'm probably the only person who sees that as a good thing. Grin When did spending money on ourselves become such a good thing? I blame those L'Oreal ads myself!

MollyHuaCha · 02/12/2016 16:15

Maybe you just have to excuse dotty ol' gran'ma. This yr my mum who is quite well off gave me a 2nd hand charity shop jigsaw for to wrap up and give DS for his 16th birthday... She even added 'There are only two pieces missing'. He saw the amusing side to it. (She also gave him £15 which was much more to his liking) 😄

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 02/12/2016 16:19

YANBU - why ask for a list if she wasn't going to buy something off it?

I would have given the robot plus a requested present (if, as you say, there are no money problems). And if I'd received a "free" gift for my child as a birthday/Christmas present, I would be miffed! i'd be thinking "What - is s/he not worth a tenner?" or whatever.

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:20

Yeah - that's my conclusion Molly , dotty ol' gran'ma. Actually - we couldn't find her card - maybe we missed the usual cheque (didn't want to ask in case she hadn't given one). Maybe I should ask? Or it might risk her embarrassment...

OP posts:
Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:21

(goes off to look behind the chest of drawers for missing card)

OP posts:
GraceNotes · 02/12/2016 16:22

It's a little bit weird IMO.

It may not have been about money though. Perhaps her Granny thinks about presents in terms of how good the present looks and how much enjoyment she thinks it will bring. I know you said it should have been obvious that your DD wouldn't like it, and why didn't she buy something off the list, but perhaps Granny thought she WOULD love it.

My Gran thinks those toy kettles that sings songs and talk with flashing lights are AMAZING. She laughs and laughs at them. I thought it was a tacky crappy gift. I don't know how old the Granny here is, but remember that when they were young the toys were nothing like they are today. My Gran had one doll and that was about it.

People don't always view things in terms of cost - perhaps she has a different perspective to you. At the end of the day, why should it be about money? Perhaps its not always a positive thing for children to get used to getting loads of 'stuff' - most of which they hardly play with because it can be over-load.

GraceNotes · 02/12/2016 16:26

As for not buying items off a list, my MIL does that EVERY YEAR. I wonder if she does it on purpose. She asks for a list then buys other toys she's seen in the shops (which are lovely but often things my DD finds boring, or already has. I've also told her a million times not to buy my DS clothes as he gets so many hand-me-downs off relatives, but we still get them).

I'm now frightened to put important key toys on the list in case she does not buy them. I've started to just put generic stuff that will get used like - craft materials, pens, more lego, etc.

Original poster
baconandeggies · 02/12/2016 16:28

No card here.

Grace it doesn't appear to have been given with much thought at all though. It wasn't even opened from the original parcel that was sent to DM's home. So DD opened the wrapping paper to reveal a brown box with a postage label with DM's address on it - all sellotaped up.

DD is happy with it regardless as she's a lovely accepting little soul who tucked it up into bed next to her dollies, but us parents are left with slightly raised eyebrows.

OP posts:
jennymac · 02/12/2016 16:29

If she has no money worries, I would find it a bit stingy. Something small which she had bought herself, like a book or something would have been nice to go with the robot.