Those of you with older or grown up children, do you regret not having more?

[DottieDoLittle]

Time is not especially on my side for having more dc but this is something I struggle with!

I love the newborn phase but REALLY struggle with toddlers.

Currently my dc are just turned 2 and 4 and are at the 'drive their mother crazy' stage!

Anyway, almost everyone I talk to in rl says they 'regret not having more children'.

I Just wondered if this was a wider more general thing or more specific to the people I know!

My mum in particular is very adamant she wished she had more children when she could.

I'm 37, I don't know if any other child would push me over the edge or complete my family and stop me wondering.

Thanks in advance for any answers!

Mine are now 16 and 20 (the latter still living at home). It's a great time: minimum stress and maximum enjoyment. But no, I don't regret not having more; this was just right for us.

I dithered and when we finally decided to try for number 3 I had two miscarriages. I'm now 40 and out children are 7 and 5. I would have loved a third and wish we had tried a year or two earlier. I know technically I could still have a gap but I feel the gap is too big.

Ps i remember the stage you are at now. It IS really hard. Once they are at school it is much easier overall.

No, I really don't regret not having more, although I have 3 so different to your situation. I desperately wanted number 4 but Thank God DH out his foot down and wouldn't let me.

I had them aged 32,34,36 and they are now 19,18,16.

Lovely kids, no problems at all, but it is tiring. I find it very very tiring. The teenage years have exhausted me.

You can't wish the children you have weren't here, but in all honesty, two would have been more than enough.

No. I am very happy with just two. They are 17 and 14 now and cost me a fortune and take up lots of my time!

Mine are 20 and 21, and the teen years were such great fun (yes, really!) that I kind of regret not having more because with two so close in age, every stage passes really quickly. But if we'd had more, we wouldn't have been able to have to holidays and experiences we had when they were young, and that they still talk about fondly.

Mine are 9 and almost 11. Not quite grown up grown up yet but definitely past the baby stage.

My life is pretty awesome at the moment. They now (since September) walk to school, go to the park with their mates and I can leave them for half and hour while I pop to tesco or whatever. When we go out they get their own shoes, coats, gloves, hats and even pass me mine. I don't have to take them to the toilet as they take themselves. They are bloody lovely at this age, they can play adult card games and watch films I also like but are still young enough to want to be around me.

I'd never tie myself down with another baby ever again but I didn't stop getting pangs for another baby until the youngest was 7/8! I'd absolutely hate to have a third now and I'm looking forward to them being teenagers.

My youngest are 20 year old twins. I also have one of 31 and one of 21. Four was fine for me. I'm lucky too, they're amazing!

Yes I would have loved a second child but it didn't happen. However I was already in my 40s so it's no great surprise and I tell myself I'm very lucky to be a mum at all. Plus there's no knowing how well I'd have coped if it had happened!

I have 16 and 15 year olds - I could handle having another teenager but another child would have finished us off. I do sometimes wonder about those children that we never had, what would they look like, be like etc.

But on balance, I don't regret not having a third (or 4th etc).

We struggled with fertility issues before DS1 so in many ways we feel very lucky to have the two we have, they are the light of our lives and they weren't difficult children, just utterly exhausting.

Mine are 17 and 20 and I'm so glad I had them but no way would I want more. It's only recently dawned on me parenting goes on into infinity !

No, but then I have 3.
I don't think I've ever met anyone who says they 'regret not having more dc'. I know plenty of people who are sad that they couldn't but no-one who decided they did not want more and then regretted it later. Not to say no-one has ever wondered, but not felt so strongly they talked about it with others. Am very surprised you say "almost everyone I talk to in rl says they 'regret not having more children'". Really, almost everyone ?

I definitely waivered around age 40 - wondering whether or not to have another. But dh was adamant he didn't want more. I'm actually really glad I didn't. I see my friend who went for it still sort of struggling with an 8 year old and I feel relieved it's not me. I also didn't anticipate how hard it would be to get work as we got older - I'm glad our expenses seem manageable and I have some hope of getting the ones I have to uni or whatever.

Yes, I've heard a lot of people say this, so am interested to see the responses to this thread...

Interesting question. I had 2 very close (13 months apart) and never wanted any more. They are now 19 and 20 and are amazing. I divorced their dad 7 years ago and remarried and and now a stepmother to a DD 24 and DS 13. I struggled with having a younger child in my life at first but we've got a fab relationship I'm so lucky.
DH and I also toyed with the idea of having a baby. I'm 46 now and I'm so glad we didn't. We have a great life, I can't imagine going back to the newborn baby stage now, I'm enjoying my freedom too much!

No, but my friend does. She has 3 boys and would have loved a girl.
Me, no, but I have six.

Yes. And no.

DS is 12. We decided against even trying for another for good reasons. I can imagine that we might hugely have regretted having a second. DS is pretty fine about being an only these days.

But I did always want two, and I do wish we had had another. It will probably be my biggest regret for the rest of my life. However, I recognise that life is stable (which it wasn't for a long time when ds was little) and that is very precious to me.

Absolutely. Youngest is 11, older two have left home. Tried for while but kept having miscarriages. Would have loved more (DP would too) as always wanted a big family but just wasn't going to happen. I've adored all the stages - teenage years were absolutely fine for the two who have been through them - and we're still all really close.

However, I think if there is any point you haven't liked and you genuinely worry it would push you over the edge if you did it again, then that's the answer.

Mine are 9 and 11. Sometimes I do think we should have had a third (if I was still young enough I'd do it like a shot). But there were reasons why we didn't at the time - I was only just coping when they were tiny, then I got I'll- and now when I look at uni costs I'm sort of glad we didn't.

I got ill not I'll

I'm surprised you know so many people who regret not having more.

I only know two people who feel that way, both of whom suffered secondary infertility after their first child.

We have two children and are very happy with that. Neither of us ever considered a third.

We have 5. The eldest is 16, youngest 3.

I have never met anyone who says they wish they had more than they have. I have met many, many people who tell me I am crazy for having so many. I have met many people who admit to regretting having children at all.

I am very happy we have 5 and if finances and my body could have suffered any more, then we would have had more.

I have four and it's great. The eldest is almost through Uni but I still have a primary school kid to keep me young. I often think I'd have liked more - but I started too late ( and it's too expensive). I think I will have to get a puppy :-)

I often wished had a third,a six year age gap between mine & did regret for a long time not having another straight after dd but I did struggle with baby/toddler stages, I was very young & had little support apart from Dh.
funny even after all these years (mine are grown up now & have a granddaughter) still that little bit of lingers.