Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those of you with older or grown up children, do you regret not having more?

101 replies

DottieDoLittle · 02/12/2016 13:15

Time is not especially on my side for having more dc but this is something I struggle with!

I love the newborn phase but REALLY struggle with toddlers.

Currently my dc are just turned 2 and 4 and are at the 'drive their mother crazy' stage!

Anyway, almost everyone I talk to in rl says they 'regret not having more children'.

I Just wondered if this was a wider more general thing or more specific to the people I know!

My mum in particular is very adamant she wished she had more children when she could.

I'm 37, I don't know if any other child would push me over the edge or complete my family and stop me wondering.

Thanks in advance for any answers!

OP posts:
dontcallmelen · 02/12/2016 15:47

regret

WetNovemberDay · 02/12/2016 15:48

Yes I wanted 3.
I don't think there are many people in this world regretting having an extra child but there are many that regret not having more.

HerOtherHalf · 02/12/2016 15:48

Hell no, but we've got 8 between us.

Soubriquet · 02/12/2016 15:51

I have two at the moment. 1 and 3. Both birthdays in March

Was adamant I was done.

Had a surprise pregnancy a few weeks ago and a miscarriage. Hit me harder than I thought it would .

Both me and Dh want another, see no real reason not to. Plenty of petty reasons but no real reasons.

Going to go for it

scaryteacher · 02/12/2016 15:51

Mine is 21, and is an only. I was told not to have more after him, and whilst I wish I had had another one, we can do more financially for ds than if we had had more. Besides, he is my nod to being green and environmentally friendly by controlling the population!

oklumberjack · 02/12/2016 15:59

Mine are 11 and 9. I agree with pp and that I'm loving this stage.

I often wonder what our family would be like with 3, and who that third child would be. However, dh and I live hours and hours away from any family members and looking back, I think it's nearly broken us. I think a third child would have stretched the exhaustion, the worry, the schedules, the space (although I know lots would have been fun). Dh is 50 next year and wishes he'd started a bit younger, but on the whole we have no regrets.

I got a dog instead Wink

Batteriesallgone · 02/12/2016 16:02

This is interesting www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/amphtml/news/wonk/wp/2016/07/06/many-americans-will-tell-you-having-kids-made-them-happier-theyre-probably-lying/?client=safari

Sorry for crap link. It's American but if you scroll down you'll see Britain on the chart.

Anecdotally I know lots of people who regret their third. There's always one missed out of games, always one at a 'difficult' stage, one too many so you can't have one per parent but too few to have them pair off. I was a third and definitely regretted, my parents couldn't really afford me and I made life a struggle and was resented for it. Don't do it unless you're sure.

Janey50 · 02/12/2016 16:07

I am 53 and have one daughter who is 33. There were several reasons that I did not have any more. One of the reasons was lack of space. We were living in a small 2 bedroomed flat and having seen what a squeeze it was for the other 3 families who lived in our block who all had 2 children,it rather put me off. Another reason was that I suffered such severe sickness during the first 3 months of pregnancy,I was practically housebound. It was not an experience I wished to repeat in a hurry. I know that probably sounds feeble as I know many women suffer from sickness their entire pregnancy,and still go on to have more than one child. But I have real issues with being sick. Not quite a phobia,but not far off. The third reason was lack of money. And the fourth reason was that when my DD was 9,I became seriously ill with a mystery virus,and as a result have been left disabled. My husband and I split up not long after that,and even if I had gone into another relationship while I was still young enough to have more children,my health was so bad,I couldn't have coped with any more. I DO occasionally feel a pang of regret at not having had at least one more,as I always imagined myself having 3,as I am one of 3. But it is only a fleeting regret,more to do with my DD being left on her own to deal with everything when I shuffle off. When my DM died 5 years ago,I was very glad of the emotional support from one of my brothers. But thankfully,my DD doesn't seem bothered about this aspect,and has said that she has never been the slightest bit bothered about being an only child.

WannaBe · 02/12/2016 16:13

We were unable to have any more after DS and after six years of TTC I decided I didn't want any more.

Me and eXH are now divorced and he has another DC with his current DP, and I think how he will be in his 60's before his baby turns eighteen. Shock the thing about having more children is that we think about how lovely it is to have a baby, but actually you're a parent for an awfully long time, and a lot can change e.g. Between the ages of 50 and 60 which could impact your health etc.

Me and now DP talked about the potential to have a baby if we were living together, he would have loved to have had kids of his own, but given we didn't live together it wasn't an option. I have since been diagnosed with a serious illness and pregnancy would be detrimental to my health so it's a definite no for ever now, even though it wasn't really ever a possibility. I have no regrets though, my DS is fourteen and lovely. The idea of throwing a baby into that mix just wouldn't work for me.

AnnaPutinoff · 02/12/2016 16:13

My two are 15 and 12. I knew a couple of months after having DC2 that that was it for me. The sheer relief at throwing away my maternity clothes told me all I needed to know. And I have been sure ever since that I was right. I am not and never will be a natural with kids, and I found the years up to 8 or so mentally and emotionally exhausting in a way that nothing else has ever been. Love my kids to bits, just don't do childhood very well.

2rebecca · 02/12/2016 16:15

No, I had 2 and now also have 2 stepkids. If they go on to further ed then it can be expensive. Being a mum is only part of who I am.
I have never wanted more kids.

Bythebeach · 02/12/2016 16:30

I always find these threads fascinating. Mine are 11, 8 and 4. I would love another 'baby' but not another child in our family now. We are done. Having two was easy and we always planned for three. I find three harder but that's because DS2 was a virtually effortless-to-raise baby and toddler and DS3 is much more demanding. But three feels right - a little crazy compared to the majority of families of only kids and twos that we seem to know - but definitely right for us.

MollyHuaCha · 02/12/2016 16:32

No regrets for me! I am v lucky to have had exactly the number we wanted at the time we wanted them. We could easily have had four or five, but we knew I wanted to have enough time, energy and money for parenting to be really enjoyable.

MrsBobDylan · 02/12/2016 16:35

I went for a third dc in the type of circumstances that I've heard people say were the reasons they stopped at 2. My friends said I was bonkers and my Dad was so worried. I am so happy I did and ds3 is an absolute joy.

I spent my life pre-kids doing lots of stuff that should have made me happy and content. But I've only really felt that way since becoming a mum. I now have a child who will always be dependent on us and there will never be a time when we are completely free as we were pre- kids.And that sounds ok.

ProfYaffle · 02/12/2016 16:37

"almost everyone I talk to in rl says they 'regret not having more children'." Really? I've never heard anyone express that sentiment!

There's a part of me that would kind of liked to have about 4 grown up children but I think having that many small children would have driven me to a breakdown. We have 2 dc, dh has had the snip so no more for us and I'm very happy with that. I'm not a natural at the pre-school stage and am enjoying having older children, I genuinely don't think I'd have coped very well with a 3rd.

EwanWhosearmy · 02/12/2016 16:46

We had dc aged 21, 19, 17 and 15 when DD2 was born (after 2 mc).

Having 4 so close together was such hard work that although I never felt "finished" it seemed sensible to stop.

Then we thought wouldn't it be nice to have another one. And it is.

But, you don't know what's coming. I couldn't have anticipated my job ending and having to find another. I didn't anticipate getting cancer when she was only 3. I've had to go part time at work after many years of FT to fit in school hours. The other dc still need us a lot and I feel really torn. We can't help them out financially like our parents did.

I don't know if it's linked but at 31, 29, 27 and 25 not one of our dc has dc of their own Grin

Footinmouthasusual · 02/12/2016 16:53

No fucking way 4 was enough

AnyFucker · 02/12/2016 16:56

Christ, no

We had two and my youngest is 16 and still at college, DH and I are currently planning our retirement for when he has finished Uni (or whatever FE he does), so that could be potentially another 8 years

It struck us that if we had had any more, we could have been looking at leat another decade until retirement ! I am knackered now, so that fuck we stopped when we did

I am sooooooo over all the school and GCSE stuff. My blood pressure couldn't take another round of all that

AndShesGone · 02/12/2016 16:57

Not in a million years

It's SO totally fab to have no children now and just be enjoying life

The idea of having one in my late 40's is totally awful Shock

Sgtmajormummy · 02/12/2016 20:11

Somebody asked me in a jokey moment what my greatest regret in life was and I blurted out "Not having a third child". Confused
I suppose it would have been a chance to use the experience gained with the first two, another little person to love and cherish...

But at this point it's not going to happen and we're starting to plan for retirement (either side of 50). Life is good with a young adult and a primary-goer, so I'll just hope for grandchildren to lavish with love and attention.

bobsleighteam · 02/12/2016 20:27

I've two ds. 15 and 11. I got incredibly broody about 4 years ago but talked myself out of it. I'm so glad I did. I love my life now, I love how independent my children are becoming and the freedom I am slowly getting back. I adore my children and I'm so glad I had them but I look forwards to the future when dh and I can have holidays alone etc.
Having a third, especially with a large gap would have postponed this stage for years and ultimately I didn't want to do that. There is great joy in watching your children mature into kind wonderful young adults and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. The opposite, I get to enjoy this stage without being distracted by the demands of a baby/toddler.

CPtart · 02/12/2016 20:41

I have two aged almost 14 and 11.5. No way do I regret not having more. By the time I can get my pension at 55, my two will be in their early twenties..perfect!

fruitbats · 02/12/2016 20:54

I have one DC who is early 30's. I don't regret not having any more.

WhoKnowsWhereTheT1meG0es · 02/12/2016 20:59

No. We planned two, had two and sold all the baby stuff without so much as a backward glance. Ten years later I have never had the slightest regret about stopping at two, in fact I'm heartily glad we did. We never even discussed the possibility of having a third to be honest.

Jayfee · 02/12/2016 21:01

Nooo! Love my two and are very close.

Swipe left for the next trending thread