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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those of you with older or grown up children, do you regret not having more?

101 replies

DottieDoLittle · 02/12/2016 13:15

Time is not especially on my side for having more dc but this is something I struggle with!

I love the newborn phase but REALLY struggle with toddlers.

Currently my dc are just turned 2 and 4 and are at the 'drive their mother crazy' stage!

Anyway, almost everyone I talk to in rl says they 'regret not having more children'.

I Just wondered if this was a wider more general thing or more specific to the people I know!

My mum in particular is very adamant she wished she had more children when she could.

I'm 37, I don't know if any other child would push me over the edge or complete my family and stop me wondering.

Thanks in advance for any answers!

OP posts:
livingthegoodlife · 02/12/2016 21:02

I have 3, we talked About the third for a long time before deciding to go for it. She is an absolute treasure. A handful for sure but a blessing. I keep toying with the idea of a fourth but I'm quitting whilst I'm ahead and still in control! Mine are close together, eldest was 2.5 when baby no. 3 was born!

RebelandaStunner · 02/12/2016 21:07

Two was enough. DS has a job and fairly sorted now late teens.
DD is almost through the teen drama stage. Can't wait until that's over with and no way would we want to go through it with another. Also we have a bit of money set aside for driving lessons and house deposits to help them on their way.
I know a few people with a younger third child with a big age gap from the other dc which doesn't look very appealing. We're aiming for early retirement and don't want to be constrained by school holidays/dependants. Both will be well into their twenties by then.

Plicky · 02/12/2016 21:14

One DD (12). No regrets. I simply don't have the headspace for more.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/12/2016 21:19

No. My two are teens. I never wanted more than two. I have felt irrationally broody when looking at or holding a newborn, of course I have, but I know the feeling is precisely that - irrational!

In our overpopulated world, I don't think we in the privileged West should be having more than two children anyway.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 02/12/2016 21:24

I can't wait to have a dog! I would never have had a dog and young children under the same roof so am really looking forward to the days when it will be possible to have a canine friend in the family.

OublietteBravo · 02/12/2016 21:26

Mine are 12 and 10 (with a 19 month age gap). I've certainly had 'broody' phases, but I don't regret sticking to two at all. I actually think I'd be quite upset if I found out I was pregnant nowadays.

Lasvegas · 02/12/2016 21:38

One child age 14 and no regrets. I only ever wanted one and now at age 47 have no regrets.

Thumbcat · 02/12/2016 21:40

I have one child by choice and have never regretted not having more.

littlepeas · 02/12/2016 21:40

I have 3. Life would be easier with 2, but I wouldn't change things if I could go back - dc3 is an awesome kid! We nearly had 4, but I had a miscarriage - whilst I could never say I was glad I had the miscarriage and I will always wonder a little at what almost was, things turned out for the best for our family. Didn't ttc again, no regrets. Mine are all at school now and it is easier in some ways, but also harder - it is full on making sure they are all properly supported with their school work and extracurricular stuff as well as looking after them as individuals (emotionally, etc). It is also very very expensive, far more so than when they were little.

cunningartificer · 02/12/2016 21:49

I have children for whom I am eternally grateful, and secondary infertility which is horrid when people ask if you don't want more.

I would have given almost anything for another child. But what we have is also great and in one way I have no regrets because I decided once I could see it wasn't going to happen to enjoy and love what we have.

I suppose i mean this... Whatever you decide don't waste time second guessing it afterwards.

missyB1 · 02/12/2016 21:54

I have 3 children and desperately regret not having a fourth. My eldest two are 26 and 21, then I have a 7 year old born when I was 41. I would have loved one more but I talked myself out of it, I regret that now. Still I know how lucky I am to have three wonderful healthy children.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/12/2016 21:57

Mine are 24 and 23. Once we had two children, I had no desire whatsoever to have another one, although before we had any we'd been keen to have four! Two was ideal for us and I have never had a moment's regret stopping at two.

A conversation I had with another mother had made a strong impression on me. She had three children and in some ways regretted having the third. She said that it was easy to manage two children because you have two hands, two eyes, two ears and two knees. With a third child everything gets harder. That chimed with what I was observing amongst other families I knew. There was another woman with two children pretty close together, bit of a gap and then the third. She was finding that balancing the needs and interests of the two older ones with the little one was tough going.

Frankly, it all just seemed like very hard work to me. After having two children very close together, and finding the toddler years very full on, I wanted to move on to the easier bit. I also felt we'd been very lucky to have everything go reasonably well with my pregnancies and births and I didn't want to risk having problems in a third pregnancy.

And finally, I also thought (and think) that overpopulation is a big concern for the environment, so stopping at two was the greener thing to do.

MyWitlessPal · 02/12/2016 22:03

Yes, there's a space at my table.

EveOnline2016 · 02/12/2016 22:07

I am happy with my 2 they are 10 and 7.

TBH the older they get the more they need me I don't think I could juggle any more. Homework takes us 1/2 hour in the evening and with dc1 going to comp next year I envision it will be longer and with other commitments. I really don't see how parents with more than 2 do it.

treaclesoda · 02/12/2016 22:12

No, not at all. I did sometimes feel a bit broody a few years ago, but now the thought of having a baby would fill me with dread, even though theoretically I'm not too old yet.

splendidglenda · 02/12/2016 23:05

I have 3dcs, 17,11 & 4 years. It's tough through the teenage years. I absolutely hate it if I'm honest. Three is hard work but I definitely don't regret having them. I was desperate for another baby before we had dc3. I know I would still be longing, had we decided not to.

TowerRavenSeven · 03/12/2016 01:24

We have one ds, 15, and I did want more. I had one miscarriage before ds and one after ds, after the 2nd one I went into full menopause at 39. It took me years to accept he would be an only!

It's nice now though. I have friends with 10 year olds and I hate to say it but I'm glad it's not me. I regret deciding after mc #2 not trying again though (you can see how torn I am!) because so soon after it became impossible.

hyperhypermum · 03/12/2016 08:26

Nope. I always wanted 2 and that's what I got. I have one of each but I knew my 2nd pregnancy would be my last regardless of sex. I think DH might've been persuaded but I was adamant. Turns out our 2 are not the easiest so I think a third would've sent us over the edge! Youngest is now 10 and I'm really looking forward to moving onto the next stage of no school runs and being able to leave the house without worrying about babysitters!

Groovee · 03/12/2016 08:27

Min are 16 and 14. Never regretted not having more.

insancerre · 03/12/2016 08:33

No, never regretted not having more
Mine are 27 and 20 and I always planned on having 2
Older children are much more expensive with uni, cars etc
I'm enjoying life at the moment after struggling financially while the dc were young
I have a friend who has 5 children and they have no money even though 4 of them are adults as they are at uni, college and they are still supporting them all

MadameJosephine · 03/12/2016 08:33

I would have loved more but in between the two I have. DS is 20 and his sister is 4, he left home for uni last year so essentially I am raising an only child all over again.

SmellyChristmasCandles · 03/12/2016 08:39

Yes and no. Had always planned to have at least three, maybe four. After several mcs and lots of pregnancy related health issues, we have two. We were sad when we made the decision to stop there but I couldn't have gone through it again. Now they are adults, making their own way o the world and I'm looking forward to being a gp in a year or two (no pressure from us, one of the dcs has shared this info with us). Looking back, we were right to stop at two - financially and emotionally.

Oblomov16 · 03/12/2016 08:42

Have 2. Wanted 2. Most of my friends have 2 children and are happy with that. A few have 3, a couple have 5 and wanted that many. I haven't met anyone who wanted more. So, it just shows that you meeting all these people who want more, is not a general thing, I wouldn't have thought.

Beebeeeight · 03/12/2016 08:45

I had a big Gap then another.

It's great. Eldest is a teen who is independent leaving time for cuddles with toddler!

TheFairyCaravan · 03/12/2016 08:47

We've got 2 boys who will be 22 &20 this month. I was told that it would be too dangerous for me to carry anymore children so our hand was forced, but we always said we'd never have 3 and we couldn't really have afforded 4.

We're more than happy with our lot. They are happy and healthy and very close. They still like coming home, it's lovely when they're here and they're great company. It's, also, very nice when they've gone back to uni/work.

Some of my friends have primary school aged children and my sister has a 12 yo, and frankly I'm glad I don't because if DH and I fancy a holiday next week we can just pack up and go, or if we want to go out for a meal on a whim we don't have to worry about babysitters.