AIBU to think that boarding school is cruel

[Wrinkley]

Can't help but think that boarding school is really unfair on children, especially younger ones. Apart from all the issues of the trauma of being separated from parents, what if they have any problems at school? There is literally no escape. To me, it just seems cruel to subject children to this type of life.

I think it can be for the wrong child. But then, a lot of things are cruel. Toddlers or babies in full-time nursery, missing their mum, and without the long holidays of boarding schools. Children being bullied at school, whatever kind. Even the stress of some of the very pushy London day schools.

I boarded at 6th form and oh my god the relief to be away from my London day school, where if you didn't smoke you were 'square' and relentlessly teased. I kept no friends from that day school but am still in touch with friends I boarded with. We had an amazing time. Loved it.

DH went to a boarding school at the age of 10 - and lasted just one term. He was the youngest in his class, there was very little of what you might call pastoral care, and he was bullied from time to time.

At 15 he went to board at a different school. Again, he was the youngest in his class, but the environment was completely different and he thoroughly enjoyed three years there.

Both my mum and dad went to boarding school (different ones) my mum went to an army one in Germany, 60 miles away from her mum and dad and in an old army base where she said men would climb up the fire escapes and expose themselves and other horrible things, it was so bad she tried to escape by jumping out of windows numerous times. My dad went to one in this country and in all the letters he wrote home that I've seen he was always asking to come home. I now work at a school which allows boarders and most of the children there seem perfectly happy so I think it depends on each child

My mother threatened to send me to boarding school.

I was gutted when I figured out that it was an empty threat. Sometimes it is the best for the child.

"Most of my friend who boarded never really ever lived at home again. They spent holidays staying with friends or travelling so basically they left home at 11 (or earlier )
Bit sad really, their parents didn't want to live with them and so they didn't want to live with their parents."
Hoppinggreen - really?
My siblings and I boarded as did my children and their cousins. None of us know a single person from our boarding schools who left home at 11 or earlier. How were they allowed to travel without their parents aged 11 or younger? Amazing that they all had friends whose parents allowed them to come and stay for every holiday.
How many of your friends who boarded did this really happen to?

I teach in a boarding school and part of my job involves working in a boarding house. It's a lovely environment and really suits most of the girls. I have reservations about junior boarding, and some pupils really aren't suited, but boarding as a concept is not cruel. Many day pupils really want to become boarders.

DH was a boarder at secondary age along with his brothers. His sisters went to school locally. It spared them from overcrowding from a large family of teenagers in a small home. It also meant that had more spare time for leisure and study instead of being roped into the family business.

I can't imagine ever using one. I can see them being good for the chid if a chid was at risk of neglect at home or where a parent didnt want a child so EA was present but can't think of any other examples.

It's like outsourcing parenting and all responsibility. How can children forge relationships with parents if they rarely see them? I'm all for financially supporting children but plenty of jobs allow that without the need to send them away.

What a surprise, OP hasn't been back

Boarding is great for the right type of child, if it suits them and it's what they want, well why not.

never thought I'd hear myself say that as thought like the OP, in fact much stronger a view.
Came back to bite me on the bum though, dd loves it and is thriving.
Her school is Hogwarts for musicians, so she describes it, and was used to film the restricted area of the library, in the film

Coming back to comment again. A couple of people I knew at boarding school were sent very young (aged 5) from places where there were no schools, usually very remote mining camps. They struggled, because they needed more security and love, but the matrons were (usually) very kind and tried to help. Those girls did struggle. Others, sent at 10, 11 and 13 generally blossomed. Travel home (by air) in those days was supervised by Universal Aunts, which was run by ageing stewardesses who escorted their young charges through airports and dealt with officials. They looked after the paperwork and handed the kids to their parents at the destination.