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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that boarding school is cruel

135 replies

Wrinkley · 02/12/2016 09:07

Can't help but think that boarding school is really unfair on children, especially younger ones. Apart from all the issues of the trauma of being separated from parents, what if they have any problems at school? There is literally no escape. To me, it just seems cruel to subject children to this type of life.

OP posts:

Gowgirl · 02/12/2016 09:42

And Gwen if you weren't so wet and spiteful the other girls would like you more don't worry you end up back as a teacher teaching etiquette just in time for the old girl reunion!

WouldHave · 02/12/2016 09:44

I boarded, it wasn't dreadful, but I decided early on that there was no way I was going to send my children to board. It does seem really unnatural sending your children off for most of the year to be brought up by a load of strangers.

originalmavis · 02/12/2016 09:44

Is this a Daily Mail fishing expedition?

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 09:47

Nick Duffell says that boarding schools are only ever good for one group of children: Those who's home lives are so chaotic, neglectful or dysfunctional that boarding school provides more safety and security than their parents can give them at home.

Ha ha ha ha. Ha.

I loved boarding school. So did probably 98% of the girls in my house. All sorty, musical, academic, confident, normal people.

I love my parents and like them. I have always been close to them and they are normal nice people. My school had amazing pastoral care and I saw my parents probably every other week and spoke to them every day.

Going to that school was the absolute making of me, actually. Over the crappy state school I'd been in before which promoted bullying culture and shit teaching riding the wave of a middle class catchment area propped up with private tutoring.

Enkopkaffetak · 02/12/2016 09:48

YABU like any school boarding schools suits some and not others.

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 09:50

If you have a sporty, musical kid and both parents work I think gong to weekly boarding at 13 is by far the best option. Child will have loads of opportunities to do sport etc to a v high level and its alla sorted ut at school. No coming home to an empty house. No stressed parents working out who is going to take child A to football and child B to netball trials which clash with piano recital etc

Prep (homework) is supervised and done in the evenings and so at the weekends the parents and children get to have fun.

I am sad I probably won't be able to afford for any children I have to go to boarding school.

charlestonchaplin · 02/12/2016 09:50

Some people working full-time hardly see their children, some very young, outside of weekends. They might as well be in boarding school.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 02/12/2016 09:54

I wouldn't do it with mine. I'd miss them to much.

BUT for some families I hear kids prefer it than being at home with their families ...

roarityroar · 02/12/2016 09:54

I loved it

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 09:56

I don't think it's great for many primary age children but I think 'cruel' is taking it too far. It's risky, perhaps.

Eolian · 02/12/2016 09:58

YABU. I wouldn't dream of sending my dc to boarding school, but that doesn't mean other people are wrong to do so. Your OP rather implies that parents would do this without considering the benefits or disadvantages for their particular child, and without the option of changing their minds later if there child were not thriving.

Riderontheswarm · 02/12/2016 10:04

I think a child's life would have to be quite bad to be improved by living at school.

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 02/12/2016 10:08

I think if you have a child with the expectation that they will go to boarding school at seven, then that is cruel.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 02/12/2016 10:09

I'd be scared about bully as the child would have respite or parents to turn to.

MoreMortificado · 02/12/2016 10:15

I taught in a boarding school and worked in the boarding house. The kids were generally very happy there and for many it provided what they didn't get at home.

birdladyfromhomealone · 02/12/2016 10:18

I must be the exception to the rule then!
We lived in Africa in the 70's and my DB and I were sent by plane on our own to boarding school. He was 8 and I was 6.
We both hated it,
My vivid memory is having jam roly poly or chocolate pudding beds and crying all night, sitting on the loo warming it up for the older girls and being made to eat custard every day.
It has no pleasant memories for me.
We blamed our DP for years for our awful childhood.
My DB committed suicide as a teen.
it was a high suicide rate at boarding schools in the 70's

PoohBearsHole · 02/12/2016 10:21

As the op has up and left, I call article Fodder. it's not like it hasn't been done a trillion times before.

oh and OP: YABU

winterisnigh · 02/12/2016 10:21

giles I agree.

I know relative however who moved DC about to in the end, 12 schools and it wasn't for their benefit but for his career. Would have been better to stay put.

I would have thrived at BS away from family arguments and slow disintegration and yes DB who seethed with jealousy at my presence and constantly told me what a failure I would be.

I think in many cases its a good option - if the school is good.

InsultingTheAlligator · 02/12/2016 10:22

I know loads of people who boarded. Some loved it. Some liked it. Others disliked it. Others hated it.

Like everything really.

DH boarded and loved it. He is keen for our DS to board, and I am equally keen that he does not. We are not in a position where he has to board - like military families for example - and I want him to stay with me.

Luckily, our fabulous school that he is in now has flexi boarding so when Ds is older he can try it out a bit (or can go there if we need to travel for work for example) if he wants to. DH is happy with that too.

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 10:22

Some people working full-time hardly see their children, some very young, outside of weekends. They might as well be in boarding school.

Yeah, two parents working FT, commuting, when in primary school you can have a nanny 7-7 but not ideal for older children. Nicer to be at school surrounded by people and ding lots of activities and seeing their parents at the weekend than coming home on their own.

winterisnigh · 02/12/2016 10:22

Yeah probably poo article fodder.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 02/12/2016 10:23

All the people I know who went to boarding school swear they would never send their own children to one.

YelloDraw · 02/12/2016 10:24

We lived in Africa in the 70's and my DB and I were sent by plane on our own to boarding school. He was 8 and I was 6.

Given your experience is, oh, about 40 years out of date not sure how your experience of sitting on the loo to warm it up for people is helpful to discussing today's boarding school culture

YouOKHun · 02/12/2016 10:25

It's not unreasonable to think anything - does that help?

If you do a search of Mumsnet you'll find endless and often angry debates on this subject. The conclusion that can be drawn is that it's suits some and not others, that you shouldn't blindly pack them off in the name of tradition and you probably shouldn't criticise boarding if your thinking is based on envy. Do you have any insights to add?

InsultingTheAlligator · 02/12/2016 10:26

Most parents do what they think is right for their child anyway.

My BIL and SIL have 5 children - two boarded because they wanted to. 2 stayed in their local state school. 1 was home schooled. I always thought that was quite funny, as you had every type of education system in the one household!

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