Teaching assistant gave 8-yr-old DD a book full of F-bombs

[MiniPharm]

After school yesterday 8-yr-old DD told me that the teaching assistant had given her her personal copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. DD said the TA had given it to her to keep and that "it has lots of rude words in". I've just looked at the copy on our bookshelves at home and indeed on Page 4 there is a "f*king" and a "f*k", plus plenty more throughout the book. TBH I can't remember that much of the story and whether it is generally suitable for an 8-yr-old. Google tells me that it is on the Suggested Reading List for Yr 8 (KS3 / age 12-13). I don't to overreact but it seems pretty inappropriate / idiotic to give an 8-year-old an adult book without checking with the parents. I personally swear like a trooper but never in front of the kids. I certainly would never allow her to write or say the f-word at home and would be very concerned if she was swearing at school. AIBU / WWYD?

F- bomb is fine to use by the way. It told me that the book said fuck, fucking, fuckers etc. Not just fuck!

Just because you let your child read pornografic books notanetter, doesn't mean that the children around them at school are allowed. Thus them being removed. Do what the F-bomb you want at home though.

notanetter: The conversation would end with it being made clear to you that you are welcome to exercise your judgement at home, but I have to exercise mine in my classroom.

And you are wrongly conflating my comment about Malorie Blackman (whose 'Noughts and Crosses' I think unsuitable for 8 year olds) with my views on all books Obviously Noughts and Crosses can be suitable for its target audience (young adult readers) even with the sex. There are other books (zombie orgy complete with blow job, anyone?) that I don't believe to be suitable for younger students and that I would have no hesitation in sending home.

Damn autocorrect!

My 10 year old dd was desperate for a book all her friends were reading. (Miranda Sings Selp Helf)She borrowed her friends and brought it home and sat reading it with her 7 year old sister. They found it hilarious. So I ordered a copy and gave it to dd. She was thrilled. I was tidying up o e day and found it so thought I'd flick through with a coffee. Well I felt like a failure as a mother. The one snippet I'll never forget is the advice never to use tampons as they're only for "sinners".

Just because you let your child read pornografic books

Sexual content does not equal pornography! When I was about that age I used to pore over my mum's copy of "Our bodies, ourselves" which is very explicit, but not pornography.

It's a good learning opportunity if the 8yo is able to deal with the issues in the book it's actually a very very good one

ItsAllGoingToBeFine: Sexual content isn't always pornographic at all (although it can still be unsuitable depending on the child) but sometimes it can be very pornographic indeed.

I maintain that it is not your job, as a teacher, to censor reading material, trifle. If your concern is pornography, then fine (I hope you actively teach about it, though, rather than simply confiscate examples - and that your definition of what constitutes pornography is clear).

Curious Incident an entirely inappropriate book for an 8 year old both because of the themes and the language. Also, no matter how bright they are, the vast majority of it will simply go over an 8 year old's head. To appreciate it, they need to have a grown-up (ish) understanding of the world. It's ridiculous to give books to kids when they are too young to enjoy and understand them just because they can read the words.

notanetter: You're wrong. Safeguarding is absolutely my job and I'd argue it's the first priority of my job.

Definitions are rarely clear around such subjective issues. I use my best judgement, as do we all.

My sons really don't want to "pore" over graphic sexual content, by the way. They still think all that stuff - from kissing onwards - is icky and grim, but is starting to be a necessary evil in the books that tell the sort of story they want to read, in a way they want to read it.

this is a safeguarding issue- it isn't appropriate for a teacher to give a child a personal gift

Some of my children have often come home from school with books to keep and in occasions they have been personal gifts just for them from a teacher or TA, one of my children's most prized possessions is a copy of one of the survival guides for boys with a personal message from his cherished TA, I know that the TA gained permision from the head to give it to him.

But fuck me she brought a book for a child she was teaching I say this needs an emergency LADO panel possibly within 48 hours

This book is entirely inappropriate for an 8 year old whatever their apparent reading age. Although the author has written a lot of children's books this was written for adults and teenagers. I would be very concerned if my child came home from school with this book, especially as it is the TAs personal copy - not recommended by the teacher. In this case I would raise it with the school safeguarding team.
link to article by author

notanetter: And I get that. I wanted to read books of all sorts too (and largely got away with it by hiding them from teachers and parents!) but that doesn't mean we should be totally indiscriminate about what they are allowed to read. Indeed, I am not allowed to be totally indiscriminate in the classroom. If I didn't confiscate material I genuinely felt to be inappropriate Inwould be risking my job.

I have a statutory duty of care and can't sit there in my library lessons while 11 year olds pour over graphic sex in their reading books

This reminds me of the copy of Forever by Judy Blume that must have been passed round every girl in my class.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine- have you read the previous comments to which I am referring? I'd say a zombie getting a blow job is a bit different to you looking at a willy in a biology book.

I know that safeguarding is your job. And part of it should include educating young people openly and robustly about pornography. Deciding that you know better than I do what reading material is suitable for my children - when they have been explicitly asked to choose their own... not so much.

It's not appropriate for an eight year old whether she can read it or not. The swearing would be the least of my concerns tbh with the book. Alcoholism, infidelity, abandonment, killing a dog etc aren't topics for a young child.
I don't understand the need to give good readers adult themed books, with a little bit of thought and research it's easy enough to find books to meet the child's reading ability with appropriate content.
Trifle I wish teachers in dd's school did the same as you tbh some of the stuff taken in by year 7's and 8's that dd tells me can't have been read or bought with full knowledge by their parents.

notanetter: Again, you're wrong. You may believe it is my job to educate children about pornography but that is a matter of opinion (in some respects I don't disagree). What isn't a matter of opinion is whether it is my job to make sure my classroom is a safe space and children aren't exposed to what I believe to be inappropriate material. That is a legal reality and it doesn't matter what you say about it. You can give your child permission to read a book and I can refuse my permission in my classroom.

I do understand that, trifle - and in fairness, you are shifting the goalposts of this discussion as we go along.

If my kids decided to bring in a genuinely sexually graphic book to school, then I wouldn't challenge their teacher's decision to remove it, even if I were ok with them reading it at home.

If they had wanted to read Curious Incident at 8 or 9, or Noughts and Crosses at 10, or any book that a teacher decided had themes that were too mature for them, then I certainly would challenge the teacher's decision to remove it from them.

Trifle, I'm interested, which books have you confiscated? As a side query, do you give the books back to the children later?

Genuinely interested in confiscated books, which ones? I know little about the young adult category, other than books like The Fault in our Stars, does this category include lots of sex? Or have you taken other books away? And what ages are the children?

A couple of my DC had read this while still at primary school (at home, not at school), but I don't know precisely what age they were. I think it's inappropriate for the school/TA to give out a copy of it, though, to an 8-year-old. Because the language in it is quite simple, it's easy to think it could be age appropriate, leaving aside the swearing. It's not Jacqueline Wilson. The play, which is very similar to the book, has an age guidance of 11+, and LastMinute says 13+.

(I'm a terribly supportive-of-school-and-teachers parent with a clear-sighted view of my little darlings; honest!)

Bluesrunthegame: Sorry, it's really not very many and I never remember the titles because they won't be books I would buy for myself or my children. Usually they're 'chick-lit' type novels that you might get in the bag with your Glamour or Cosmopolitan magazine!

And yes, they get them back with an instruction to leave them at home. I teach secondary so this has happened with Y7-Y9 students, not so much with older teens.

notanetter: I didn't shift the goalposts at all. You seem to agree with me now but I was saying the same thing the whole time. Anyway, glad to see we agree in the end!