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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teaching assistant gave 8-yr-old DD a book full of F-bombs

148 replies

MiniPharm · 02/12/2016 09:02

After school yesterday 8-yr-old DD told me that the teaching assistant had given her her personal copy of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time. DD said the TA had given it to her to keep and that "it has lots of rude words in". I've just looked at the copy on our bookshelves at home and indeed on Page 4 there is a "f*king" and a "f*k", plus plenty more throughout the book. TBH I can't remember that much of the story and whether it is generally suitable for an 8-yr-old. Google tells me that it is on the Suggested Reading List for Yr 8 (KS3 / age 12-13). I don't to overreact but it seems pretty inappropriate / idiotic to give an 8-year-old an adult book without checking with the parents. I personally swear like a trooper but never in front of the kids. I certainly would never allow her to write or say the f-word at home and would be very concerned if she was swearing at school. AIBU / WWYD?

OP posts:
DoItTooJulia · 02/12/2016 09:34

Well if she went round dropping f-bombs because she read them, I'm not sure the school would be very impressed-great get out for your dd though: 'Miss taught me!' Grin

BratFarrarsPony · 02/12/2016 09:35

It is a compliment that the TA thinks that your 8 year old is a good enough reader for this book, but I am not sure that it would be suitable for this age group.
As for 'F-bombs' for goodness sake, the word is 'fuck' and I have no doubt she has already heard it.
Do you call farts 'windy pops'? Grin

spicyfajitas · 02/12/2016 09:42

It wouldn't bother me. I have read it and can't remember whether I'd feel the story line is ok for my child. I'd be more concerned about distressing content than swearing. My kids hear it on the street, they hear it badly edited on the radio, they hear it from adults and older kids who don't think to tone their language down.

It seems like the ta knew there was swearing in? Which may make me worry about boundaries.....

joystir59 · 02/12/2016 09:43

this is a safeguarding issue- it isn't appropriate for a teacher to give a child a personal gift

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 09:45

joystir59: Nonsense. As long as it's not an item of great value or (as in this case but it's a separate issue) inappropriate, there is nothing wrong with it.

bluebeck · 02/12/2016 09:46

It is really odd behaviour for the TA to give a child a personal gift, and also to knowingly and explicitly give them a gift that has lots of swearing in it when that child is 8.

She may need retraining around safeguarding etc. I would have a quiet word with the school.

unicornpoopoop · 02/12/2016 09:47

I gave my son this to read this at 7. He took it into school to read and none of teachers batted an eyelid. They just commented on what a great book it is and how great he was reading it.

He's now 9 and he reads literally all day every day. If I limited him to 'age appropriate' books, his reading level wouldn't have advanced as much as it has. And he would be bored.

As long as she knows that they're rude words and not to repeat them, I don't see the problem.

Original poster
MiniPharm · 02/12/2016 09:57

What are you suggesting Potnoodlewilld0?!

Can I shock you: I have other books on my bookshelf tooShock

OP posts:
TinyTear · 02/12/2016 10:02

Potnoodlewilld0 why is is surprising?

It's is a great book and a popular one and many people have it,

notanetter · 02/12/2016 10:11

I take books off kids I teach (secondary) all the time that are full of sex and profanity. Usually these have been given by the parents, who have made the same mistake.

Do you check with the parents before you start censoring their children's reading?

OzzieFem · 02/12/2016 10:13

this is a safeguarding issue- it isn't appropriate for a teacher to give a child a personal gift

I agree with this. I would definitely be having a word with the teacher.

WalterWhitesNipple · 02/12/2016 10:15

I'd heard the word fuck many times by the age of 8. I really don't think it would phase your DD.

Shockers · 02/12/2016 10:15

I think there's more to the book that makes it unsuitable for an 8yr old than the use of 'fuck'.

That said, it's one of my favourite books. I'd probably recommend it from around age 12.

I think the TA was misguided to give it to your daughter, but a quiet word about how you'll save it until she's ready would suffice.

Footinmouthasusual · 02/12/2016 10:16

I wouldn't want my kids to read that at 8. Or noughts or crosses they are teenage books in my view.

Take it to the teacher.

hackmum · 02/12/2016 10:16

I love this book, but I'd regard it as unsuitable for an eight-year old.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 10:17

notanetter: Oh no. They can read what they like at home. In school that is down to my judgement. I usually give back the book at the end of the day and call home asking for it to stay at home.

SilkThreads · 02/12/2016 10:20

this book isn't suitable for an 8 year old, swearing or not?!

notanetter · 02/12/2016 10:20

If my kids are asked to bring in a book from home to read at school, which they regularly are, then I would be extremely pissed off were a teacher with an aversion to "sex and profanity" to then take that book away from them. Would you rather my 11-year-olds brought in Wimpy Kid than Noughts and Crosses?

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 10:23

notanetter: In the nicest and most respectful way possible, that isn't my problem. I have a statutory duty of care and can't sit there in my library lessons while 11 year olds pour over graphic sex in their reading books Confused

I get that you would want it to be your decision but it isn't.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 10:25

And I have no aversion to sex or profanity - but there are lines you have to draw depending on the age of the kids.

notanetter · 02/12/2016 10:25

It's "pore".

And thankfully, at my sons' school, the teachers take a less reactionary approach.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 10:26

*pore

Mirandawest · 02/12/2016 10:27

I wouldn't be happy at an 8 year old being given that book. I think it would be better for them to read it when they are older. Not because of the use of the word fuck but because i think they'd get more out of it later.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 10:27

notanetter: Grin You're a grammar pedant, I like it.

But it's not reactionary. It's my job. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't make those judgements and that would be wrong.

notanetter · 02/12/2016 10:31

Sure, trifle. And when I had the first conversation with you about it, I would be very reasonable. As long as it ended with my sons being able to continue to read the books they have chosen for themselves when invited to read a book they have chosen for themselves. Malorie Blackman's novels are on the shelves of any half-decent secondary school library anyway.