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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely disgusted at this? *upsetting*

53 replies

Mulledspicezoflora · 02/12/2016 08:23

www.belfastlive.co.uk/news/family-irish-mum-killed-alongside-12256118

Clodagh Hawe and her three lovely sons were killed by her husband in a murder suicide back in August.

This awful man killed his wife and children in the most horrendous way, because of his own "fall from grace"

Not only that, but he has been buried next to them. so now when Clodagh's family visit the grave, they will be right next to that of the man who murdered their family members

Shocked that that was allowed to happen to be honest

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 02/12/2016 08:25

Can you do a clicky link? I'm a bit dopey with trying to copy text on my phone

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 02/12/2016 08:28

I'd take the opportunity to deface his grave every time I visited tbh.

missyB1 · 02/12/2016 08:31

How on earth did he get buried next to them? Who allowed that?

Original poster
Mulledspicezoflora · 02/12/2016 08:31

Sorry I didn't realise the link wasn't clicky. Thank you Eve

Maybe it's because I have been in a DV relationship myself, but it seems like the salt in the wound. Like even in death she can't get away from him

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 02/12/2016 08:32

I think that her parents wanted it, if I remember correctly Sad

WhisperingLoudly · 02/12/2016 08:33

There's a long thread about this both in Craicsnet and feminist chat - I believe the decision was that if her family. Very sad.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2016 08:36

It is absolutely horrific. Irish society is deeply patriarchal and deeply misogynist at its core. Every now and then I am brutally reminded of that fact.

TanteRose · 02/12/2016 08:37

Thread on Craicnet www.mumsnet.com/Talk/craicnet/2720336-the-awful-incident-in-cavan

Sad
Temporaryname137 · 02/12/2016 08:38

Jesus, I had not heard of this.

I only heard about the Lee Irving case when the verdict came out yesterday as well, vile scumbags. How can some people be so evil?

Luckystar1 · 02/12/2016 08:39

Yes it's awful sad. I was on a thread at the time on here and I was saddened that their funerals were held together, buried together and all donations were to a suicide charity.

I wondered at the time if he was having an affair... was that his 'fall from grace'? Obviously something has been outed to cause (further!) upset to her family.

God help them.

LaurieMarlow · 02/12/2016 08:43

Did the the specifics of the 'fall from grace' become public?

What a disgustingly selfish act.

Original poster
Mulledspicezoflora · 02/12/2016 08:50

Her mum and sister are now saying they regret burying them together, they were in shock at the time.

That poor, poor woman and those poor boys.

OP posts:
Luckystar1 · 02/12/2016 08:56

Laurie no, not as far as I've heard. I expect they will do in time.

I'm glad her family are finally speaking out against him.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 02/12/2016 08:56

I remember reading the previous threads - a dreadful, dreadful case. I suspect that he was far from the perfect husband and father he was made out to be - everything suggested that he was., on fact, a controlling despot whose wife and children spent their lives walking on eggshells so that they didn't upset him.

To bury them together was a travesty and an abomination.

Sandsnake · 02/12/2016 08:57

He's a murderous cunt. The families disrespected Clodagh and her children by perpetuating the story that this guy was the victim, who suddenly 'snapped' as opposed to a controlling, abusive, jealous murderer. I'm sure they were in shock but it still sickens me. Those collections should have been for DV charities, not a fucking suicide one. It just gives totally the wrong message as to who the real victims were. The treatment of the murderer also wouldn't give much of a deterrent to other men considering family destruction (yes, it is primarily men who do this) - as they seem to be immediately forgiven and 'understood'.

Elllicam · 02/12/2016 08:59

Oh that poor woman that is just horrific.

Elendon · 02/12/2016 09:09

The interview with her mum and sister was originally with the Irish Daily Mirror and the fee for that was given to Women's Aid.

I think the news of his 'fall from grace' should have been given before the burials took place. Not only were four people brutally murdered, but her closest family were railroaded into believing that it was because of a deranged state of mind. More abuse really to those living with the consequences.

I wish the sister and the mother all the very best as they come to terms with what is a truly shocking and horrific crime.

horizontilting · 02/12/2016 09:12

It was also the press. As one poster pointed out on the craic net thread the articles about this ended with details of how to contact the Samaritans. Nothing about domestic violence.

There are some excellent exceptions of articles on control in domestic violence linked to on that thread that stood out amongst the generally very depressing media coverage. Which was along the lines of "great pillar of the community and devoted father must have snapped due to a mental illness" So wrong on so many levels.

And as Sandsnake says it send the message to other controlling evil men that "we'll sympathise, excuse and forgive you and laud you in death if you are 'driven' to do this" Will we hell.

It was necessary for one journalist to write an article about the erasing of Clodagh Hawe from the narrative being constructed, to interrupt the press largely referring to her as "his wife" and the hashtag HerNameWasClodagh started trending on Irish twitter.

Poor woman and poor boys and I hope the press start to take a look at what they are complicit in covering here.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 02/12/2016 09:20

That's awfulSad This seems to be happening more and more. Sounds like the family agreed to the burial when they were still in shock.

CaveMum · 02/12/2016 09:26

I remember at the time being horrified that they'd all had a joint funeral and burial. I do hope that the words in that article about Clodagh and her sons being able to rest in peace together mean they are going to try to have their murderer exhumed and buried elsewhere.

manhowdy · 02/12/2016 09:26

Ireland. When my MIL left her abusive alcoholic husband she was lectured by the local priest on what a terrible thing she was doing and how God would judge her for it. That wasn't very long ago. Her son's threw him out of the house and told him never to return.

This article sums up my (our) feelings I think: m.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/opinion/news-analysis/stop-making-excuses-for-alan-hawe-he-killed-three-sons-and-wife-with-hatchet-and-knives-35024458.html

NoSunNoMoon · 02/12/2016 09:30

What was his fall from grace?

Simonneilsbeard · 02/12/2016 09:32

This was a massive story here in Ireland and people were absolutely outraged at how the media was reporting the story.

Elendon · 02/12/2016 09:34

NoSun no one knows. I dare say in time it will be revealed. However, this isn't really the thread for such speculation.

I do hope that Clodagh's mum and sister exhume his body. He has no right to be lying next to her and their three boys.

Swipe left for the next trending thread