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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nativity play is a waste of time...

235 replies

PointyJat · 02/12/2016 07:42

And the biggest parts are given to teachers favourites/those with pushy parents?

Ds is in year R and they've spent weeks preparing. He and his friend say they spend lots of time sitting in the hall watching the main parts 'practice'. Teacher has cancelled PE since half term for this 'practice'.

Only a few children have a big part, the rest are varying levels of nothing Grin ds is a 'villager' but doesn't even go on stage, he just sings the songs along with all of the others.

Nativity seems like a waste of time and a lot of waiting about, other than for a minority of pupils. I'd rather either all children got a part with a similar level of input, or they just stopped bothering with the play and did PE as usual. Aibu (and grumpy).

OP posts:
BackforGood · 02/12/2016 13:43

YABVU
Your OP is very insulting to teachers everywhere who do no such thing. Just not at all true of any school I've ever had anything to do with (which is quite a lot).
Nativity plays produce some fantastic memories for so many dc in so many generations.

misson · 02/12/2016 13:44

I love watching the nativity. Always makes me cryBlushGrin

I must be doing something wrong though. I have been on the PTA for 5 years. My dc have never had a starring role.

Give the teachers a break. How they get 30 tired over excited kids to do a play is beyond me.

Mumzypopz · 02/12/2016 13:49

When they are little they no doubt enjoy being the star and puffing their chest out, but by the time they get to year Six and they've never had a part of any significance all the hours sitting around practising gets a bit boring.....we've had five years of watching the Erin and amber show and another five watching the Cameron and Sophie show.....trust me, sweet, it's not.

Hellochicken · 02/12/2016 13:51

YABU but it does take up a lot of teaching time and effort so our local school does it alternate years, which I think is a good balance.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2016 13:59

Yabu.

What is it that makes a child, a favourite anyway? Well behaved, tries their best? Such children surely deserve the best parts.

expatinscotland · 02/12/2016 14:12

They bore me to tears. DD is in her last year of primary, thankfully, and DS is excused from it due to his autism and not being able to sit through it. Yay! No more of that tedious shite

HeCantBeSerious · 02/12/2016 14:19

I'm a PTA Chair. Only perk is that due to spending hours in school this morning doing things nobody else will I got to watch the dress rehearsal. So I know where on the stage my DC will be (it's not a nativity) which makes no odds as I'll be stuck behind the refreshment stall despite buying a ticket. They don't have the biggest parts by a long way.

littlesallyracket · 02/12/2016 14:24

My parents were about as unpushy as you could imagine and not at all competitive, but I used to get big parts in infant/primary school plays every year. Not because I had any kind of acting talent (far from it) but for some reason I was really good at learning loads lines by heart and had a loud, clear voice. No other reason whatsoever.

By contrast, whenever we did anything even remotely musical, I was relegated to the back with nothing to do, because I've got zero rhythm and can't carry any kind of tune, while there were some kids that had lovely singing voices and were a dab hand at the recorder who were always to the forefront.

unlucky83 · 02/12/2016 15:41

I'm with Mumsy and expat I think it just gets tiring - for the DCs and for you. It is 'not again' ...it is so predictable - I know who will have the main parts/ present assemblies etc - and not just in my DCs classes.
And as to favourites - there is only one teacher my DCs have had who I think has favourites - DD1 started out as a favourite (and fell from grace) - I never really understood where other parents were coming from... except DD2 isn't a favourite, has never been and I now completely understand. (And unfortunately DD2 had that teacher for 2 years...)
Being a favourite does not necessarily mean they are best behaved, try hardest etc - (I think this teacher is influenced by things like eg the parent's profession and experience with siblings). The hard working, quiet ones are more likely to get overlooked.
I'm sure It is mostly about confidence - if you have always have a part you are pretty sure you'll have one again - you'll be less nervous etc. If you desperately want a part and have never had one you will probably try too hard. Or if you think you have no chance you won't try hard enough....
And also IME the less well behaved often do get a role to keep them out of trouble - they won't sit nicely at the side for the whole show.

MLGs · 02/12/2016 15:41

YABU. I think the children love it and are proud whatever part they have , as long as their parents show enthusiasm for them, tell them they are proud of them and big them up (even if they are a villager). That's what it's all about.

in my dds yrs 1 class they picked names out of a hat for Mary and Joseph. Other parts were chosen by teachers. They then do the readings in yrs 2 and don't do a nativity play after that (they have a carol concert for juniors at local church). Seems a good system to me. No one needs to go to seven nativity plays!

arethereanyleftatall · 02/12/2016 16:58

At dcs school, Mary and Joseph are the worst parts -the only non speaking roles. They tend to be played by children lacking confidence, who wouldn't be able to audibly deliver lines, but need the confidence boost, so everyone pretends they're the best parts. The actual best parts are different random things - a camel, a tree, a midwife.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2016 17:09

OP?

pklme · 02/12/2016 17:12

Team work, confidence building, learning songs and dances, concentration, following instructions, remembering instructions, being looked at, performing. All the kids learn loads, not just the ones with the big parts and big voices.
I have led one of years and it is a mammoth task for all involved. Not every kid is resilient enough to be the mean old inn keeper.
I don't go into it knowing who will do what, but within a couple of rehearsals, little Billy will have demonstrated that he knows where and when he should be- he becomes head shepherd and goes on the end of a line. Little Bobby has demonstrated that he needs a costume with gloves, so he doesn't pick his nose, scratch his bum and steal every scene.

Oh there is much more to it than who has the most lines....

DisneyMillie · 02/12/2016 17:19

My year 2 dd has 26 lines (she counted not me!) and a solo song in her nativity next week. Another girl in her class has 4.

I'm certainly not on the pta, have probably only even said hello to her teacher a handful of times and I don't think she's a teachers pet.

They chose to have big or small roles themselves and then auditioned. She's just quite a nice singer and confident with a good memory.

I watched her just as proudly when she had one line in reception. I like watching all the children anyway - you get to know them all after a few years in the same class parties

Mumzypopz · 02/12/2016 17:55

"I watched her just as proudly as when she had one line in Reception"...lucky you....none of my kids have ever had any lines...it's always the same ones picked....if they had ever been given just one tiny line it might have built up their confidence...so perhaps that explains why I'm bitter

gamerwidow · 02/12/2016 17:57

I'm chair of the PTA my daughter has never had more than one line, maybe I should complain...
In my DDs class the most confident children with the biggest voices get the biggest part which as just as well because no one wants watch my DD mumble a bit and go bright red for a whole play Wink

Mumzypopz · 02/12/2016 18:01

It's the same with sports day, despite my kids being sporty, they never get any races...only the loud obnoxious ones seem to.....when I asked last year if my son could throw just one beanbag, the teachers said no, all the kids knew what they were doing and they couldn't disappoint them....it was ok to disappoint my son though, who had to sit for two hours watching everyone else run races etc...including the teachers and TA's kids who had four races each.

abbsisspartacus · 02/12/2016 18:03

Ironically the head of the ptas child has been the star of the play every year he has also been head boy head of house head of football team on the cover of the magazine more times than lady di and is all over the website

I'm sure its nothing to do with mum running the pta Hmm

Although he is a nice kid actually

abbsisspartacus · 02/12/2016 18:05

Mine is a quiet hard worker and they forget he is in sometimes and mark him absent so he doesn't get put in for the end of term treat

Mumzypopz · 02/12/2016 18:29

Most nights I have to look at pictures of the Teacher's and TA's kids on the school twitter website.

unlucky83 · 02/12/2016 18:41

pklme my point is it isn't confidence building ....as I have found for DD2 it is the opposite.
In fact it isn't about any of those things you listed really if they NEVER get to do anything but be in the chorus. Don't even get one line - in the 7 yrs they are at primary.

One less chorus singer(shepherd/star whatever) won't make any difference to the play - and when they get a bit older they know that. The 'chorus' exists so they can feel like they are included - give the children who aren't any good/don't want to be involved something to do. They don't feel part of the team, they can follow instructions anyway - they are hardly performing sitting at the side of the stage. Dressing up has lost its novelty ...it becomes extremely boring for them. And disheartening.
DD2s friend has a big part - DD2 was helping her practise her lines. I was listening and DD was happy for her friend...they were having fun together.

Later DD said she now knew most of the play - knew all her friend's lines... and I said (half joking) well if she or in fact anyone else is sick maybe you could help out - her face fell - apparently they all have understudies and DD isn't even one of those...she just isn't good enough.
FFS that isn't what the stupid play should be about.
I haven't pushed her. DD1 wasn't interested and that was fine by me - but DD2 has always wanted to be more involved - and I guess I feel worse that I have been telling her all these years what you have to do is always try your best and speak up if you do want to be involved etc. She would be less hurt if she hadn't ever tried...

throwingpebbles · 02/12/2016 18:50

Yabu- not a waste, for so many reasons....
A time when parents get to come into the school and feel part of the school community
Helps them learn the Christmas story
Gives them experience of being in front of an audience - an important life skill
Learning lines, songs, where and when to stand etc = useful for all kinds of development

I could go on and on... I moved between state and private as a child, and the amount of extra time learning skills like speaking in public/ performing in public was notable when I started private school. I am glad of every opportunity my kids get to be part of a production

pastapestoparmesan · 02/12/2016 18:51

We don't have a PTA. It makes it very tricky to choose their children for the main parts in everything! Xmas Grin

ClairlouS · 02/12/2016 18:54

I do understand your point. The suggestion of giving parts to the most capable/confident is unacceptable. How are the other children supposed to gain such skills if they are not given the opportunity? Also when there are several performances why can't they alternate the children? Or even alternate within the performance? That way it is more inclusive and, owing to having smaller parts, the children have less lines to learn.

PlumsGalore · 02/12/2016 18:55

So your DS didn't get a good part in the nativity, but I bet he is quite good at sports yes? Hence you feel the nativity is a waste of time and you rather he did PE like the rest of the year so he could shine all the time?

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