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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to eat with my vegan friend again

148 replies

MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 17:06

Rare (very rare) day off alone, vegan friend suggests meeting for lunch. To me this is a big treat to eat out.

So we go to a vegan/veggie place to accommodate her (even though I would have liked a big pub lunch). My diet is about 80-90% veggie now, previously total veggie

The menu didn't grab me much (and I do love veggie food) but there was a halloumi and mushroom burger and I luuurve halloumi....
Friend orders same, but just mushroom with vegan Mayo....

She then spends the entire meal telling me how I should have ordered the same as her, how much better it would be, shouldn't have I asked to if they had any vegan cheeses blah blah, how terrible dairy is, have I tried the alternatives...
Like we never talked about anything else

I can't think of anything worse than eating just a bloody grilled mushroom in a roll btw.

The thing is every conversation with her (and over time she's gotten worse) is about veganism and her obsession about converting me. Ironically she has the WORST diet of any adult I know. She also doesn't seem to have any real interest in food. She eats loads of fake meat products and eats little fruit/veg.

She's even lectured me before because we met up and I had tea and it had milk in it . It's exhausting, like a religious mania....

It's hard to meet up with people (we live a distance away from each other) where no food/drink is involved - how else do I ever see her...??

I'm hacked off and I bought a pasty after because I was still hungry! (She had gone!)

OP posts:
MrsNuckyThompson · 01/12/2016 22:16

I only know one vegan and she's exactly like this. I think part of it is that they have to put so much more thought into what they eat / order / buy that it can become obsessive.

I know a sample size of 1 is not exactly conclusive but in any event YANBU.

MrsNuckyThompson · 01/12/2016 22:17

Even without calf stomach, all cheese is dairy!!!

MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 23:08

So the finale of this thread is I'm going for lunch with Halloweensnake and we won't mention what we are eating

don't mind where - usually hoping for cheese or pie (or combination of both!)

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 02/12/2016 00:07

MrsNucky it's not that much more thought really, i probably by all the same things you buy but without the animals. Rice, pasta, potatoes, bread, vegetables, fruit, milk, yogurt... it's really not difficult at all

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 02/12/2016 00:40

Nothing to add OP but thought you might like this

To not want to eat with my vegan friend again
whowantsadog · 02/12/2016 09:38

(OP if you're near the metrocentre then handmade burger co have about 4 vegan options as well as the obvious meat burgers, win win!)

Slightly o/t but recently an acquaintance who had previously been really nice to me overheard someone mention that I was a vegan. (Note, I didn't mention it!) Apparently that was like a red rag to a bull: WHY am I vegan? Where do I get my PROTEIN! And I should see her friend's pig farm, they are soooooo pampered, and her friend keeps super happy chickens (they definitely gas all the hour old male chicks, but that's cool, because they go for pet food.)

I have literally said no words about it and she hasn't stfu.

I may let fly with my opinions as freely as she does if she tries it again next week...

petitpois55 · 02/12/2016 09:58

who it's because deep down they know that eating mass produced, and low welfare meat is dubious for all sorts of reasons.

Also,you are challenging cultural and societal norms, and that always makes people uncomfortable

Thanks for the tip about Handmade Burger. I do eat meat, but very often choose the veggie/ vegan option. I

PuppetInParadize · 02/12/2016 18:01

Yeah, evangelical people of any 'flavour' are really boring IMO. I say that as a veggie and occasional vegan of several decades. I've had meat eaters not accepting this too, so it can go both ways.

Just tell her you find this talk very boring, and maybe she will change her talk. That is, if you like other things about her of course.Smile

Timetogetup0630 · 02/12/2016 18:16

I feel for you OP.
I have a sort of friend who is vegetarian, gluten free and dairy intolerant.
Eating out with her is rarely enjoyable.
She is having a crap time at the moment, so I suggested we go out to lunch at my local very nice bistro pub. Mainly cos they have a buy one lunch get one for £3.50 special offer on. The food is good.

Oh no she only wants to go to very expensive vegan restaurant where I will have to cough up £25 each for rice and mushrooms and some weird vegan cheese. She will act virtuous all through the meal.
And I will have to pay despite the fact she earns a good salary in a specialist job and I earn minimum wage....Sad

Timetogetup0630 · 02/12/2016 18:18

...and yuk to Soya milk and oat milk and nut cheese...burble burble.....

limitedperiodonly · 02/12/2016 19:51

she only wants to go to very expensive vegan restaurant where I will have to cough up £25 each for rice and mushrooms and some weird vegan cheese.

Timetogetup0630. Where is this place? It sounds like my kind of restaurant. You can PM me if you're shy. Otherwise I'd struggle to believe it exists.

prawntail · 02/12/2016 22:00

work with a vegan. she has more sick days off than anyone else in the company. just sayin'

limitedperiodonly · 02/12/2016 22:46

So report her prawntail just sayin'

UnderbeneathsiesTheMistletoe · 02/12/2016 23:02

your friend's not gwennie paltrow is she meryl Streep ?

Bores are boring, no matter if they have forgotten to brush their teeth granola breath, or not.

There's no zealot like a convert.

Maybe go to a different restaurant next time before you meet up and have a hot soya chocolate while she plays with her fake sausages.

RichardBucket · 02/12/2016 23:04

I have a lot of sick days too, thanks to an autoimmune disease I got as a meat-eating child. just sayin'

Neem · 03/12/2016 00:03

I'm a vegan and I don't (hopefully) ever do this. It's just not respectful or very adult. Poking holes or judging people on their own choices because they may not adhere to yours is childish and wrong.

pollymere · 03/12/2016 10:08

Quietly tell her than you respect her diet and she needs to respect you. If she was always trying to convert your religion, you'd soon stop meeting up. If she can't respect you by talking about something else, she's not your friend.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/12/2016 10:39

Well there's a new movement

Flexitarian

Veggie/vegan most of the time but very occasionally having meat.

Or "omnivore", as most of us would say.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 03/12/2016 11:10

I think she needs a long lecture on the merits of fruit and veg. Every time she starts talking about dairy / what you choose to eat. Grin

robinia · 03/12/2016 23:46

It takes a lot of care and thought to be a healthy vegan
Gosh, the Williams sisters seem to manage just fine,- them being elite athletes and all.!!

Serena isn't vegan. www.wtatennis.com/news/article/5409930
Venus is mostly.

Ohdearducks · 03/12/2016 23:49

Leave The Bitch

Oblomov16 · 03/12/2016 23:53

She does indeed sound tedious.

AvaCrowder · 04/12/2016 00:48

To be fair the one who gets questioned most is the most self sacrificing vegetarian. I respect her decision and she does not try to convert. I have a lot of respect for her.

Your friend op, maybe you should avoid.

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