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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to eat with my vegan friend again

148 replies

MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 17:06

Rare (very rare) day off alone, vegan friend suggests meeting for lunch. To me this is a big treat to eat out.

So we go to a vegan/veggie place to accommodate her (even though I would have liked a big pub lunch). My diet is about 80-90% veggie now, previously total veggie

The menu didn't grab me much (and I do love veggie food) but there was a halloumi and mushroom burger and I luuurve halloumi....
Friend orders same, but just mushroom with vegan Mayo....

She then spends the entire meal telling me how I should have ordered the same as her, how much better it would be, shouldn't have I asked to if they had any vegan cheeses blah blah, how terrible dairy is, have I tried the alternatives...
Like we never talked about anything else

I can't think of anything worse than eating just a bloody grilled mushroom in a roll btw.

The thing is every conversation with her (and over time she's gotten worse) is about veganism and her obsession about converting me. Ironically she has the WORST diet of any adult I know. She also doesn't seem to have any real interest in food. She eats loads of fake meat products and eats little fruit/veg.

She's even lectured me before because we met up and I had tea and it had milk in it . It's exhausting, like a religious mania....

It's hard to meet up with people (we live a distance away from each other) where no food/drink is involved - how else do I ever see her...??

I'm hacked off and I bought a pasty after because I was still hungry! (She had gone!)

OP posts:
BonnieF · 01/12/2016 19:37

I'm sure there must be some vegans somewhere who are not sanctimonious, self-righteous preaching tossers, but I have never met one personally.

RichardBucket · 01/12/2016 19:37

limitedperiodonly Yes! And then stick our feet in their face so they can ensure our shoes aren't leather. And smugly ask how we post on Mumsnet when computers are made of plastic which comes from dead dinosaurs.

TaraCarter I usually get the one about how x number of mice and insects are killed whenever plants are harvested, so if we want to be proper vegans we just have to starve.

LifeLong13 · 01/12/2016 19:37

Who thinks your vegan bashing! You're not at all.

As a vegan I only tell people why I am if they ask! And no one gets a lecture. My DH eats meat & dairy & he doesn't get his ear chewed off about it

Brankolium · 01/12/2016 19:37

If she can talk of nothing else then she sounds fanatical.

I'd be tempted (out of curiosity) to go for a vegan meal with her and see if that stops the obsession with pointing out where you are going wrong with what you are eating. If not, then perhaps it is literally the only thing she will ever want to talk about. In which case, you may want to reconsider your friendship.

PeteSwotatoes · 01/12/2016 19:42

Bonnie Why would you be so needlessly rude about a group of people, many of whom have posted on this thread?

limitedperiodonly · 01/12/2016 19:45

A friend of mine is vegan. For ages I had no idea because when we went out from work I didn't monitor his order; we just talked about other stuff.

I became aware of it when a smartarse pointed out that he was ordering the vegetable curry but wearing leather shoes. 'If you love animals so much, why are you wearing them?' challenged this bore.

Nick earnestly explained that he didn't love animals. Far from it. The thought of consuming flesh revolted him. People who consumed flesh revolted him but as he was polite he kept his thoughts to himself. But since this person had asked...

He kept this up for an hour. Every time the person said he'd got it, Nick said: 'No, I don't think you have. Let me explain a bit more' and droned on and on. The person really wished he hadn't started it.

I've no idea why Nick is vegan but I know he displayed something little known about vegans - a sense of humour and a liking for blood sports.

TaraCarter · 01/12/2016 19:57

I usually get the one about how x number of mice and insects are killed whenever plants are harvested, so if we want to be proper vegans we just have to starve

Generally from someone who wouldn't know a combine harvester from Postman Pat's van and thus assumes I wouldn't either. [bitter]

TaraCarter · 01/12/2016 19:59

limited Is Nick single? Asking for a friend...

RichardBucket · 01/12/2016 20:01

Is Nick single? Asking for Tara. Grin

PeteSwotatoes · 01/12/2016 20:02

A vegan with leather shoes who likes blood sports? I think you mean vegetarian.

limitedperiodonly · 01/12/2016 20:11

Nick is taken. A shame, because he is a bit of a laugh. I don't know whether he was wearing leather shoes pete. I didn't inspect them. It might be true that he has no concern for animal welfare but doesn't consume animal flesh or products because it revolts him. Or he might have been taking the piss out of a bore. When I said blood sports, I meant that he is not averse to poking people repeatedly with sharp sticks until they beg for mercy - metaphorically speaking Grin

TaraCarter · 01/12/2016 20:13

Not literal blood sports. She's referring to Nick's buttonholing of the smartarse.

As for t'other, can we just not?

Temporaryname137 · 01/12/2016 20:13

Vegans!

To not want to eat with my vegan friend again
MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 20:25

Someone used the word Evangelical and I think that's it

TBH I think she's a bit pissed with me as she used to make 'helpful suggestions' which I ignored for the most and now has changed her tactic to full scale attack....
It's not going to work - I like cheap red wine, butter and cheese - I am a lost cause.
She also fell out with in laws at one point as they refused to make a vegan Christmas dinner, not just for her, but for all 14 people going.

I met a vegan (she calls herself that) recently who are honey and eggs as she produces them herself - her issue is with the farming and the process. She has a lot of chickens and a surplus of eggs so eats them. She said as long as there is no harm involved that's how she interprets it.

Someone suggested going to an Indian or Japanese (we don't have them here!) restaurant - but then I probably would eat meat and piss her off more?

I'm probably not going to see her alone again I think at least - support in numbers - I'm certainly not going to eat or drink something to pacify her. I think she would still find a way to bring it up!

OP posts:
petitpois55 · 01/12/2016 20:40

You don't have an Indian restaurant near you op? Really. Where do the live?
I'm getting the sense that you really don't like this person, and you actually don't like Vegans at all TBH..
I'm not entirely sure that you're not exaggerating for effect.

MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 20:53

I only meant the Japanese!

OP posts:
petitpois55 · 01/12/2016 20:56

hmm

MerylPeril · 01/12/2016 21:00

You don't believe we don't have Japanese restaurant on every corner

I actually don't think I've ever seen a Japanese restaurant ( I think there's a yo sushi at the metrocentre now though - fancy!)

And no I don't have a problem with vegans or omnivores or veggies or whatever

I don't like being lectured.

I also didn't like it when my MIL moaned at me for not eating meat when I was a veggie. I like eating without grief.

OP posts:
SmallTownTwirl · 01/12/2016 21:07

I've a friend who never stops slagging off vegans, it is so boring and annoying and pointless. She can be that annoying person she can't bear!

roseteapot101 · 01/12/2016 21:20

i remember my sisters room mate at uni did that to,it drove me mad.My sister not a vegan would not keep animal products in the house because of the womans raving.She was just crazy when i stayed with my sister one christmas she got annoyed when i put cows milk next to her soy milk.My last day there when she was out i fried myself a giant steak to fill the air

As shes your friend you can speak openly tell her whilst you respect her life choices the vegan talk getting stale she has mentioned this all before

frumpet · 01/12/2016 21:23

There is dairy in pesto ? How have I got to this grand old age without knowing this !

MrsJayy · 01/12/2016 21:26

There is parmisan (sp) in pesto

roseteapot101 · 01/12/2016 21:27

frumpet Thu 01-Dec-16 21:23:06
There is dairy in pesto ? How have I got to this grand old age without knowing this !

when i made it ingredients as follows

basil leaves
olive oil
garlic
pine nuts
Parmesan(contains calf stomach )

quite easy really

Halloweensnake · 01/12/2016 21:31

I'm vegan,take me for lunch instead..I promise I'm totally not like that....and it irrites me when others are...we all make our choices about our food,and it's no ones business but our own ,what we eat...I wouldn't see her again if she bore you that much .

user1466610574 · 01/12/2016 21:49

BonnieF perhaps u need to change the type of people u hang around with.

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