To not want to eat with my vegan friend again

[MerylPeril]

Rare (very rare) day off alone, vegan friend suggests meeting for lunch. To me this is a big treat to eat out.

So we go to a vegan/veggie place to accommodate her (even though I would have liked a big pub lunch). My diet is about 80-90% veggie now, previously total veggie

The menu didn't grab me much (and I do love veggie food) but there was a halloumi and mushroom burger and I luuurve halloumi....
Friend orders same, but just mushroom with vegan Mayo....

She then spends the entire meal telling me how I should have ordered the same as her, how much better it would be, shouldn't have I asked to if they had any vegan cheeses blah blah, how terrible dairy is, have I tried the alternatives...
Like we never talked about anything else

I can't think of anything worse than eating just a bloody grilled mushroom in a roll btw.

The thing is every conversation with her (and over time she's gotten worse) is about veganism and her obsession about converting me. Ironically she has the WORST diet of any adult I know. She also doesn't seem to have any real interest in food. She eats loads of fake meat products and eats little fruit/veg.

She's even lectured me before because we met up and I had tea and it had milk in it . It's exhausting, like a religious mania....

It's hard to meet up with people (we live a distance away from each other) where no food/drink is involved - how else do I ever see her...??

I'm hacked off and I bought a pasty after because I was still hungry! (She had gone!)

I went to a wedding in Ireland earlier this year. The day after a load of us went out for a meal, one of the girls was vegan and sat opposite my husband.

He ordered prawns as a starter and was horrified they came with the shell on so he basically had to dissect them while sat opposite a vegan. She didn't say anything but I was

It's hard to meet up with people (we live a distance away from each other) where no food/drink is involved - how else do I ever see her...??

Why?

Surely you can eat breakfast, set off to meet her and then set off home for a late lunch. Or just skip lunch and have a snack on the way home.

It's only as hard as you make it.

Why not go to the cinema or bowling or something?

moreslack are you grinning because someone might have been upset by something? Really

you do sound like a shit friend OP. Lunch with friend, say nothing, but then get home and slag her off on the internet to a bunch of strangers.

I am an omnivore. I've never met a vegan who does this. Heard about them on Mumsnet a lot though...

I wouldn't want to eat with any friend who had made a mealtime unpleasant, particularly if that mealtime was a treat for me. Vegan friend or Omnivore friend.

When I say she isn't interested in food she really isn't
She would literally be happy to eat plain carbs all the time - rice, couscous, plain potato. The taste doesn't ever seem important...

It is a bit like an eating disorder I suppose

I know she doesn't represent all vegans in this way. I'm hungry and hacked off that's all - I'm now making a big (veggie) dinner to make it up (and having ice cream)

One of my colleagues is like this. She's not vegan but she's into "clean eating" - she doesn't eat dairy or gluten (no allergies, just by choice) and spends ridiculous sums of money on 'detoxing' tea bags, coconut oil, honey, etc.

I don't think we've had one week this year when she hasn't exlaimed "you know, your body really isn't designed to digest that!" when she sees someone eating a yoghurt or a jam sandwich or god-forbid a biscuit!

What worra'said. Just do something other than meet for lunch. It's not that hard surely.
Also the fussiest people about food and the ones that have the crappiest diets that I know are meat eaters.

I'm mostly vegan

What does this actually mean, SerialReJoiner?

A diet of rice, cous cous and potatoes isn't actually that bad really. You can get most of the nutrients you need from starches, all of us should be building our diets around them. Some people just aren't really into food, I am and love cooking and experimenting, but not everyone's like that. She should find it easier to eat in non-vegan places than most, plate of plain rice and chips is all some people can get in them anyway!

It's hard to meet up with people (we live a distance away from each other) where no food/drink is involved - how else do I ever see her...??

Cinema
Walk in the Park / other local outdoor spot
Tourist attraction / museum
Massage / Spa session
Swimming
Beach
Shopping spree
Arts class together

Not having food and drink! To me that's social, it just plain is.

If we went to the cinema I would still eat btw...I can't not eat/drink for that long

MerylPeril For two hours?? Are you sure your friend is the one with disordered eating?

I agree she's a dick but it's nothing to do with her being vegan that's just her soapbox, with someone like that if it wasn't veganism it would be something else.

As a veggie I have to say I'm more likely to be lectured at by meat eaters for my 'poor' diet - by people with shit diets! I've one friend who basically lives on ready meals and takeaways yet goes on about how MY diet is 'unhealthy and overly restrictive' she barely eats fruit and veg and I dread to think what her fat and salt intake is.

OP, it sounds to me like you're the one with the food obsession,- not your friend.
I can think of plenty to things to do with a friend for a few hours that don't include eating or drinking..

Over an hours drive each way and the last film I went to see we were in cinema for over 2.5 hours - so actually nearer 5 all together

And after over an hours drive - yes I would like a hot drink!

I giggled at "mostly vegan" too! I don't eat a lot of meat, but I'm not mostly vegetarian...

Well there's a new movement

Flexitarian

Veggie/vegan most of the time but very occasionally having meat.

I don't mind people saying their mostly vegan, if someone only eats animal products once or twice a month, or only if eating out, or in the occasional biscuit, they're still doing way more for the animals and the environment than most. The need to be super strict and vegan policing doesn't help, I don't think saying 'it's 100% this or don't bother' works very well.

They're*

She suggested lunch not me - I get little child free time and I would like to eat/drink without one sometimes - so shoot me, it's my day off!

And most of those suggestions she wouldn't do (esp cinema and bowling) and no way am I walking around a park today! Bloody freezing

She sounds like my mother, who isn't a vegan, but does like making her opinion known. Fair enough, but I find it rude to be sat in a restaurant with her and, when my chosen dish arrives she sticks her tongue out and says "yuck". I don't choose way out there things (like eyeballs or brains), she did this once when a chocolate pudding arrived.

It's not like I was forcing her to eat it either, and it wasn't particularly strong smelling, so it had no impact on her at all (unlike when someone has fish near me, which I can't stand the smell of, but would never say anything because it's impolite).

TBH it's not that she's a vegan that you don't want to eat with your friend but because she's rude, and I don't think anyone could blame you for that.

I don't think we've had one week this year when she hasn't exlaimed "you know, your body really isn't designed to digest that!

You might want to point out to your pal that:

1. Our bodies aren't designed to do anything. Evolution does not design to and end, it reacts in the moment to the current selection pressure using the variation available

1. Humans are omnivores who have had startling success eating a range of diets. We do ok on purely plant based, we do ok on almost 100% meat and fish based, and we do ok on just about every variation in between. Human populations have filled a variety of dietary niches, from milk and blood (certain African tribal groups) to meat and fish (arctic populations) to veggie and vegan )vast swathes of India.)

Nothing worse than people criticising what you eat. It's fine to be vegan and it's fine to eat meat.

I wouldn't go again.

I had a friend who would literally fight you for the crispy duck in a Chinese restaurant.

Then she decided to become vegetarian and every time I ordered meat she'd pretend to be sick. She'd also say I'm eating something with a face!

We rarely see each other now, I can't be arsed with her digs!