to ask what's the most selfish thing you've ever heard is?

[RuggerHug]

I know we’ve had the cheekiest request/brass neck, most pretentious and a few others here, and while they’re shocking in how some people can think, let alone say, them out loud they do generally make for giggles after the initial WTF shock wears off. So can anyone think of the most selfish thing they’ve ever heard of that they’d like to share? I only remembered this one recently and I was honestly stunned into silence at the time because I didn’t believe I’d heard it right.

Years ago, friend who was a bit of a princess. No real other friends(became obvious why). Met up and she had known I was worried about something. Told her what and I got this response, all in one stream of talk.

“OMG that’s wonderful news howl laughter you Mum just has cancer!!!I was convinced you were going to say you were pregnant and I was thinking how self-absorbed of you because I wouldn’t have anyone to go out with or drink with, and you’re my best friend and how could you DO that to me? OH THE RELIEF,hahahahaha, promise you won’t ever do that to me!”

Once I got my jaw off the floor I convinced myself it must have been a nervous panic way of saying “we’ll go have a drink whenever you’re stressed about it all”. I wasn’t.I can laugh about it now and DM ended up being fine. Anyone else got anything like this they can laugh at now?

Pretty much everything my SIL says and does.

At the minute, her daughter is having to go to her grandparents (my PILs) every day after school because her mum can't be bothered to help her with her homework. The daughter really loves it there and sometimes asks to stay over which SIL has no hesitation agreeing to. The other day she made a joke that her daughter should just move in. I know, and DH knows, that she wasn't joking. At all.

I told my mother that DH had landed his dream job. Because it would mean moving about 150 miles away, her response was "Oh no". I'll never forgive her for that. It was the first time I really saw how selfish my mum could be and now I've got my eyes wide open.

I'd just come out of hospital with a new baby and a DVT, post c-section.

My mother asked me to go and stay with her for a few days 'so she could help me'.

She'd gone to stay with both of my sisters for a week when they had their babies, but had recently come into money and had a lovely big new house.

Still stings, many years later.

Only a few of my closest friends know this information so hopefully it won't out me.

I'm fairly certain that my mother is a narcissist. It looks like a few of us on this thread have narcissistic mothers going by some of the comments so far (Google it, it's eye-opening!).

I have far too many to write on this thread and I don't want to bore you all but I'll put a few down on here (as well as my previous comment last night).

My mother waits until special occasions to come out with her best ones. Christmas, birthdays, when we have something planned that doesn't involve her etc. I think the worst one for me, even more so than the one I mentioned last night, was the night before our son's 4th birthday party.

Brief background, dad left mum a month before I turned 9, they eventually divorced (very acrimonious) but dad and I maintained a wonderful relationship until his death 6 days before my 18th birthday (a whole new story). Dad was on the Board of Directors of a massive national company, very high powered and pressured job and any hint of a scandal would be all over the papers.

Back to present day, well 2014, and mum turns up at my house where myself, husband and parents-in-law are making all the party food etc for my son's party the following day. Mum asks can she have a word with me outside so I go (thinking it was a bit strange) and tells me that she should have told me this years ago and that my father was gay and a paedophile. My world collapsed in just one sentence. As it turns out, he wasn't either of those things and had he been, the divorce was so bitter that she could and would have ruined him and his career. I managed to get through our son's party the following day, not sure how, and she turned up there as though nothing had happened. Why she felt the need to tell the most horrendous lie I will never know.

I asked her last year why she told me that and why she thought it appropriate that I needed to know that information (she won't admit she lied) and she said it's because I need to get over his death (he died in 1996). I don't think anyone gets over the death of a parent but you learn to live with it, and it's not as if I'm a crumpled mess 20 years on, in fact I don't even talk about him in front of her (I rarely talk about it in fact because it was such an awful time so I can't work out what she means). Anyway, she said that I was incredibly selfish thinking that my father's death was worse for me (have never said or thought such a thing) and that it was far worse for her because he was her ex-husband and so her grief was and is far worse than mine, as his only child, will ever be. They divorced in 1987!! Who knew grief was a competition?

Here's a link to a website that has a 'checklist' for want of a better word, of the typical characteristic traits of narcissistic mothers...it may be of help to some of you, and will show you it's not us, it's them (despite what our mothers would have us believe).

OP, you don't need to apologise, it's probably cathartic for a lot of us!

Oops, forgot the link...

www.willieverbegoodenough.com/narcissistic-mother-survey/

My xDP. A long, happy and deep felt relationship where we spent years trying for a baby. Finally along came our beautiful DS. Gorgeous in every way apart from the reflux! Anyway, 6 months in and XDP popped out to the shops and didn't come back. I was hysterical, hospitals, police, etc were called and he was tracked down. Turned out that he had decided that a baby was really hard and he had changed his mind so thought leaving me to it would be the easiest way. He then dropped off the face of the earth and hasn't set eyes on DS since. Or paid a penny of maintenance.

Roll on 14 years and he's resurfaced. And is now taking me to court as I have told him that he can't take DS out of school to go on a 2 week lads skiing holiday so they can reconnect. Fortunately DS doesn't want anything to do with him and has told him so. This is being presented as me brainwashing DS against him. I didn't even tell DS off for language when he called him a fucking wanker. And neither did my mum. We couldn't think of more appropriate terminology.

Oh and apparently I am a bad mother for working full time throughout DSs childhood. I guess we should have lived on fairy dust and raindrops!

User

I think it's the fact that the body is barely cold before the squabbling starts that is the problem.

Wow there are some proper crazies in the world!

My mil once rang me at gone 9:30pm one evening demanding to know why I had removed her from Facebook, actually demanding. I hadn't, I had just deactivated my account as I had just lost a close family member and wanted a break from it all and didn't expect to be grilled for it. I've never forgotten it.

I could quite honestly cry thinking of the emotional distress some people have had to suffer through spiteful, self-obsessed relatives. I have a few stories of my own, but none of them come close to some of these (I know it isn't Top Trumps, but it's put things in better perspective for me).

[fowers] for you all.

• , dammit, !

Rudolph - My mother does that on special ocassions to. She loves to ruin other peoples joy
For example on my Twin and I's 21st Birthday she decided to throw us a party but refused to let us invite any of our friends and instead invited all hers. She then expected us to cater the party and run round after all her friends. When we went off to another room to have a drink with our other sister ( who had gone out of her way to make sure we had a lovely cake for our birthday) she burst into tears and spent the rest of the time complaining to her friends about how selfish we were because we weren't acting like waitresses to her and her friends.

It's comforting to know I'm not the only one out there shiny. My mother is just an awful person all round.

She's also currently screwing my grandad out of money without him realising.

When I was about 6 we got our house repossessed, mum and stepdad saw it coming and so my nan and grandad took out a mortgage in their own names and said that they just had to make the monthly payments. They agreed verbally that whatever they paid into the house was theirs, and they could keep the deposit too as early inheritance (bearing in mind this is very early inheritance as mum was 32). 10 years later the house sold for double what it was bought for a mum and SD insisted on keeping every penny. They then bought a house for half of what they sold it for, making them mortgage free and had about £40k in their pocket. They bought TVs, jewellery, gadgets, booked loads of holidays and not once did they so much as take nan and grandad out for a meal. In fact SD was a hairdresser and would charge my nan a tenner a week for a trim, no mates rates. That's what my vile mum & SD are like.

A few years after that they moved abroad and my mum insisted that nan and grandad move too so she can take care of them in old age. Mum and SD bought a farm house and N&GD used what they had from their own house sale to pay for a granny flat to be built on the side. This extension cost as much as the farmhouse, but mum refused to put my GP's on the deeds.

It ended up that mum and SD lived in the entension and GP's in the main house due to nan'd deteriorating health the main house was better for her. A few years later GPs moved back to UK as nan was unwell and wanted cared for here. They had put all their money into the extension so rented in U.K. Mum and SD put house on the market and said they'd give a 50/50 split when it sold.

My nan passed away and what my mum hasn't told my grandad is that she's kept a log of all the money they've spent on the house such as paint, furniture, bills, repairs etc. Stuff they have decided to do without consultation from my grandad. Apparently she is charging him half when the house is sold, which means that he will get absolutely nothing from the house sale, she'll keep it all. And because he's not on the deeds there's nothing he can do.

Grandad doesn't know she's plotting this, she'll tell him when she sells apparently. He's worried because he has a DS and his DS's inheritance is in that house. Mum has promised that i grandad dies before they sell she'll give uncle his fair share but she won't.

Another time, we were going to visit mum at Xmas. When my GPs returned to England they brought with them a left hand drive car and mum had bought over there a right hand drive English car, so they thought it seemed right to do a straight swap as the cars were (apparently) of equal value. Good idea in principle as we could drive the cars back and forth.

GPs had a nice newish Citroen Picasso in very good nick, which we took over. I couldn't believe it when we saw what we had to take back. A 10yo Kia which made a funny noise, had a dodgy gearbox and the passenger door didn't open from the outside (ideal really for elderly people ). I said to mum do GPs know the state it's in to which she got very defensive and said they (GP's) were getting the better deal! It was awful to drive back and needed taxed and MOTd. Well it failed the MOT, needed £600 worth of repairs and the mechanic said it's a miracle the tyres didn't explode on our long drive back. It lasted maybe 6 months before they had to scrap it. That was 6 years ago and mum still has the Picasso in perfect working order. She's basically just out to scam them.

When my grandad stopped driving because of his eyes he gave his car - worth about £3k at the time - to his DS, as he felt mum had had plenty and his DS didn't. Mum took the biggest hissy fit that her brother is the favourite and where was her car

She is also very mean about my grandad and actually said not long ago "I've done far more for him than he's ever done for me" I don't know if she has MH problems or is cruel or just deluded. Probably all 3. I think my nan died despising her a bit for all her selfish ways and my mum has the nerve to slag her off to all and sundry because once or twice nan was offhand with her.

I'm going NC with mum soon, in the process of writing a letter as there's so much more to the story, she's done much worse to me, and I don't have time for toxic people in my life anymore

Elsa and changy

Elsa

I have one, It still takes my breath away.
Three years ago I was due my DS in April. DH's ExW booked herself a holiday abroad to magaluf with her friends. DH asked her if she was taking their DD (my DSD).
Her answer:'Of course not, I need a break from her! I have her all the time.'
In front of DD.
They share their DD 50/50. At that time, we were having DSD every weekend cos her mum was out partying, so her mum had her Tues, wed, thurs. She got a break every weekend!
She went on holiday then came back and spent 4 days partying before asking to see DD.
Her choice, but I can still hear DSD asking in a small voice why her mummy was too busy to see her.
Now she has another kid and is all '#amazingmummy #familytime
I cant look at her sometimes

My youngest sister takes the biscuit.
My Mother was in Hospital with heart problems, she had a massive heart attack whist I was visiting her, I had to 'phone my Ddad and siblings to let them know (the Cardio team had warned me to expect the worse. Her reaction when I told her
"Well what do you expect me to do about it I'm having a dinner party tonight, and I'm not wasting all the cooking I've done"

I never told anyone except Dh about what she said (giving her the benefit of the doubt, shock maybe?)

However she and her H wanted to buy a House that was out of their price bracket, so asked DDad to borrow a fairly large sum that he had in a Building Society Account they would pay him the same amount of interest that the Building Society gave him they would sort it all out legally and above board etc.

Dad said okay, he was suffering with cancer and felt he wanted to help them (they already owned a very nice house, but wanted something bigger with a bit of land) Dad had the money transferred and my Aunt drove him the 300 miles to see the pair of them to get the paperwork signed (a Promisary Note) When Dad and Aunt arrived there sis was watching Wimbledon on TV and virtually ignored them , never made them a cuppa and even though it was midday nothing to eat. BIL arrives home , docs signed, he says they are letting out part of the new house as holiday lets, " oh" says Dad "I will have to come and stay" "You will have to pay the going rate" BIL responds.
My Aunt took Dad and herself to a local pub for lunch etc before driving him the 300 miles home.

Dads health gets worse and he is admitted to a hospice, we are toldthe end is imminent. I phone sis to tell her, her reaction
"I hope all his affairs are in order" no asking about how he is etc.
The pair of them stopped paying the interest on the money once he had died what we didn't realise was they were supposed to pay back £10,000 as soon as they had sold their other property but hadn't instead using the money to get the holiday let ready.
As you are aware tax is usually paid at source on BS accounts Dads estate had to pay tax on the interest received from them, they never offered to pay the tax.

I could go on but they are two of the most truly selfish people I know.

Thanks Rudolph. Just remembered another gem from the friend I started this about. When she said my fertility issues were a 'blessed convenience' to her as since I also earned low salary and couldn't use Al for holidays when she had a baby myself and my DM could come to her and mind it for her until she got her parents to pay for a nanny. Because she loved her talons nails and they wouldn't work with nappies .

I had a cancer scare when my DD was four. I sat down and told my mum that I was being sent for further tests, the Drs were quite concerned. I expected that she might have offered to have gone with me to appointments, I hoped for some support. Instead she said, so when's DD coming to live with us? If you are going to die it's best for her to settle with us, it's not fair for a child to see you in that state.

I told her that she would stay in the house we lived in, with her stepfather who had been a father figure to her, and would provide a good stable home life. She told me that she would find Dd dad if she needed to but DD was going to live with her.

I didn't hear from my mum for over 2 years after that. I didn't have cancer but couldn't imagine being so spiteful to anyone let alone my child when they are going through that

My Uncle (we'll call him Bob) helps with a community group that organises (amongst other things) volunteers to keep the local playground, pathways etc tidy. They have a notice board and his phone number is on there for people to call if they want to help or have suggestions etc.

My cousin (Bob's son) died in an accident which as you can imagine left Bob and his wife in shock and very upset. As a result Bob did not do any of his usual voluntary work for a while but with all the funeral arrangements etc to sort did not even think to post an alternative contact on the notice board.

The day before the funeral someone phoned to speak to Bob and his wife explained who she was and asked if she could take a message. The caller moaned that she really needed to speak to Bob as there was litter on the path next to her house that had been there for over a week and it was spoiling her view. Mrs Bob told her that Bob had some personal issues to deal with and so was not dealing with this at the moment but that she should really call the council with any complaints anyway.

Caller apparently replied with something along the lines of 'Oh yes, someone told me his son died. That sounds a bit odd, I thought he was only young- there must be something else going on if you ask me.' Mrs Bob told her that it was true, and yes he was young and that (when caller queried this) yes she was certain as it was her son too. Caller moaned that she supposed she'd just have to look at other people's rubbish for a bit longer then and put the phone down. No apology, sorry for your loss etc

God, there are such horrendous people in this world.

to all who have posted and 💩 to those we have posted about.

Some off these are horrendous.

Elsa

I know it's not the general mn belief but I fully believe karma will get the bastards back eventually.

I really am openmouthed at some of these. I think what scares me most about them is that they are all motivated by greed, jealousy or narcissism (or all 3) and I doubt any of them think that what they've said or done is wrong, nor do they think of the effect their words or actions can have on people.

I've remembered another thing my mother did a few weeks back. Again the original incident was on a happy event, my son's 5th birthday party this time. Apparently my MIL ignored my mother on that day and she will never forgive her for that. I was actually there with them when this perceived sleight happened and it was actually my mother ignoring my MIL. A week after this had supposedly happened my mother 'needed a word' (I figured it couldn't be worse than the lies she'd told me the year before) so listened, and she berated me (polite version) for siding with MIL when I said 'oh I think this is just a misunderstanding'. Well a few weeks ago she smashed up her kitchen in front of me because I refused to acknowledge the sleight from a year ago and I refused to apologise for it. She obviously thought she was on a roll and then went on screaming at me that my son loves her more than he loves me because I say no to him and she doesn't (yes, I do say no to him because I'm his mother and I'm proud to say I am complimented frequently on his manners and behaviour). She also said my husband is going to leave me because I don't have his dinner on the table when he comes home from work (we've been married for 10 happy years, my husband thinks this is jealousy because my father left her) and that I've achieved nothing in my life (so the fact I was a director in a company in my 20s with a very high salary isn't an achievement, neither is my marriage or our child?) and that she's glad my father is dead because she knew he wouldn't live long after surviving leukaemia twice (he was only 56 when he died) and it served him right for leaving her. My mother is delightful.

A slightly amusing slant to the sad and downright horrifying stories we have been telling, my mother is always more ill than anyone else. If there's a bug going round, nobody will have it as bad as she does. She is a martyr. I tested out a theory once and told her how poorly I was feeling, made up some symptoms (I was actually in 100% health)...3 days later I was a selfish child for giving her this awful bug, she was so poorly she couldn't leave her bed and had all my symptoms but 100 times worse than me and would have to consider going to hospital if it carried on much longer because she was so worried about herself. As I said, a martyr...and a lying one at that.

When I was 18 my very close friend was in a car crash. She was very ill and I spent my 18th Birthday with her holding her hand and willing her to wake up. I was also mid A levels and it was very hard.
After a long night at the hospital I got home to find my brother there, I was surprised as he was in The Army and posted several hundred nd red miles away.
He told me that he had pretended that my friend was his girlfriend and she had actually died to get compassionate leave - he was very pleased with him myself for coming up with this "plan". He barely knew her and spent the week out drinking or with his actual girlfriend and refused to give me a lift to the hospital as it was too far (20 minutes drive)
He's always been a selfish arsehole and I'm now nc
Friend did survive but was sadly disabled.

When my youngest was in hospital awaiting a heart transplant, I was at home ill with a bug with our eldest who was 2 who also had a bug, my partner was at the hospital with youngest and had been for 3 days straight (ended up being there 5 days straight it was very touch and go with her) I text my mother asking if she could pick me up a few things from the shop as I couldn't leave and my partner was at the hospital, her response was no she can't as she wanted to organise her house I was shocked and still am today. Partner texted his friend who grabbed me a few things which was lucky. She has done so much other things that are selfish but at that time when youngest had already had 2 cardiac arrests and a respiratory arrest I was just so upset and it sticks out in my mind more than anything else she has done.