Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wish the school would stop asking me for stuff

151 replies

StopAskingForMoney · 30/11/2016 21:17

So DS1 has nearly completed his first term at school in YR. The school is great, teachers are lovely, they're great 99% of the time the only issues we've really had are minor in the grand scheme of things (letting all the parents turn up to school to then tell them at 9am it's not open due to a 'issue' and to bring them back at 12, to then get a text at 12 saying the school is closed due to a sewer issue they've been trying to fix since 7am, Forgetting to open the school gate because they 'forgot')

The issue is In the last three weeks alone the school has asked for;

Nursery rhyme costume - £12
Donation for nursery rhyme £25
Raffle tickets - £10
Christmas play costume - £20
Non-School uniform donation - £5
Christmas hat and jumper - £15
Raffle tickets again - £2
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5
Fruit or Veg donations every week

They've also now asked for us to donate things like balance bikes, wheel barrows, lego etc! The money they raised from the school nursery rhyme challenge was going to be used to get something that benefitted all the YR children. They brought a bike shed, just for the YR children, never have I ever seen a YR child ride their bike to school, the majority I'd say at least 80% of the YR parents drive to school, so it doesn't benefit all the children.

There is also talk about donating to the church, Now people are wanting to do a club together to buy the stuff for the teachers.

AIBU to want them to stop asking me for things! I have no money, I don't want my kid to be the only one sticking out but I can't afford it! I don't get why they want money every week for something! It's right on top of Christmas and half the time we'll get a letter in the book bag asking for things to be in by the end of the week, It's stressing me out!

OP posts:
gnashereNameChange · 30/11/2016 22:54

black you are right, there is a difference.

StopAskingForMoney · 30/11/2016 22:54

And as I've said, everyone who has asked me what school he is going to has said "Is he going to public or private school" This is the first time I'm hearing people get up in arms about whether we call it a state school or a public school. We refer to it as a public school. I didn't think it mattered that much

OP posts:
blackcherries · 30/11/2016 22:55

And yes joining in with everyone else who thinks some of these are unreasonable. Maybe the 'ideas' come from staff in all different departments and don't realise quite how much it adds up to - a gentle totting up with reasonable figures might make them realise.

As for donating to the church, that shouldn't be the school's responsibility. If they want to do something for charity then that should be separate with no obligation for the parents to donate.

JustSpeakSense · 30/11/2016 22:56

Where I come from:
Private school (is paid for)
Public school (state school)

OP didn't confuse me Grin

Soubriquet · 30/11/2016 22:56

Didn't confuse me either

It's either public school or private school here

JustSpeakSense · 30/11/2016 22:57

...and £5 for non uniform day is ridiculous! I thought the going rate was £1

Passmethecrisps · 30/11/2016 22:57

Same where I grew up. I knew what she meant.

StopAskingForMoney · 30/11/2016 22:58

Well maybe you need to educate yourselves soubriquet and just on what type of institution your child goes to Grin Hmm

OP posts:
Whatdoesaturkeydo · 30/11/2016 23:00

I agree op I'm similarly asked for ridiculous sums from the primary school

Twins in P1 so far we have had £45 per half term for monkeynastix which is their pe, £5 for whole school to attend panto, £2 for children in need, £2 for non uniform and £10 for a trip to a garden 5 minutes from school all sums per child so since Halloween for 2 P1's £ 124
Two older primary children with school trips etc adds a further £58
All children are asked to donate 2 packets of tissues, 2 glues (must be pritt) each - so 8 of both 6 times a year. We also pay £20 a year per child school fund.

It is beyond madness. I am on a board of governors so understand how tight the budgets are but to be honest there is unnecessary wastage - what ever happened to copying down your homework now its photocopied and glued?

Soubriquet · 30/11/2016 23:01

My excuse? No child in school yet Grin

and I'm sticking to it

Gloriarty · 30/11/2016 23:02

You shouldn't spend so much on the costume. You cobble it together at home, pop to the charity shop or call up a friend to borrow something.

Raffle tickets - just say 'no thanks' if it's not for you - no impact on your DC. And the rhyme time as well - pay what you can afford. Fruit and veg donations is just feeding your child really tbh.

School budgets are being cut - they have to hustle wherever they can to fundraise - but they won't punish your child for not being wealthy .

Pidlan · 30/11/2016 23:06

I don't think you need to be giving anywhere near what you're giving, and I don't think you're expected to.£5 a song, I bet most people put 50p

TwinkleTwinkleLittleBat · 30/11/2016 23:29

Why do primary schools default to desssing up all the time? Nearly every topic they did involved dressing up. Even dc were fed up with it.

The constant badgering was excessive. Sourcing from charity shops is not a cheap option in my experience and coming up with 3 costumes regularly was a huge headache.

Since they went to secondary school I've quietly marvelled at how the teachers just teach without resorting to fancy dress.

ImNotDancing · 30/11/2016 23:31

can OP please address the £5 for own clothes, as other posters have said that seems far too much and seems to be the one point op hasnt returned to

StopAskingForMoney · 30/11/2016 23:36

I'm It seems everything I have been paying is far to much, I addressed it above

OP posts:
ImNotDancing · 30/11/2016 23:41

did they demand a fiver tho? i cant believe no one would question it? or is it to cover the year

DesolateWaist · 30/11/2016 23:47

One point about the 'fruit and veg' money; do they just get the fruit, veg and milk that is government funded and supplied free to all state schools (in England at least)?
At the last school I worked in we used to charge for a mid morning snack which included crackers or some such on top of their free fruit. We were told by a county advisor that we were not allowed to do that as we were, in effect, charging people to access free education.

blueberryporridge · 30/11/2016 23:59

Surprised to see that some schools charge for a morning snack. Here we send snacks in with the children for break-time (which has the advantage of allowing you to choose what they eat and how much you want to spend).

OP: I think the school is demanding outrageous amounts of money from you. There are some instances where you could probably do it fora lower cost (decorate your own Christmas jumper etc) but in general I suspect that a lot of parents may find this too expensive and that a parents' revolt may be in order...

Puremince · 01/12/2016 00:02

In some parts of Scotland a public school is a school all members of the public have access to, I.e. a state school. My grandmother's wee country school was officially called "x public school"

Imgoing2killhim · 01/12/2016 12:12

Tbh, it wouldn't have occurred to me to pin tinsel, etc, onto an existing jumper.

For a start, my DC don't own Christmassy coloured jumpers (they're in to animal print) and for another, all the Christmas jumpers you see are ones with knitted/appliquéd patterns/pictures on. The cheapest ones we were able to find were about £10 each (x2dc).

Our school also asked for £45 for a term of swimming lessons (1 term of lessons each academic year), so £90/yr. School trips, one per 1/2 term (so 6/yr for each child), ranging between £7 and £28 per trip. Even at an average of £10 per trip per child gives £120/yr. PGL in yr6 £295 (this was already the subsidised rate) for 2 nights and 4 to 6 activities.
School non-uniform days £2 each, and there were at least 4 per term (superhero, book characters, Easter, Christmas, jeans for genes, children in need, red nose day, support cancer day, St. George's day, St. Andrew's day, St. David's day, Victorian day, own national outfit day, European day and many more over the course of an academic year) so 12+ per year at a rough total of £24/yr plus an average of £8 per outfit per child (£192/yr) .

Add this to all the plays/parties (usually 3 of each per year), donations for fetes, bake sales, etc and it really adds up ( maybe £100/year including buying cakes, etc at the fetes, etc) At the parties you were expected to provide a plate of party food and drink (in addition to school lunch/dinner) so maybe £2 to £2.50 per plate of food/drink ( gives £12 to £15 per yr for 2 dc) and the plays had an entrance fee ranging between £1-4 including paying for the child in the play (again £3-12 per year per person in family of 6, but tickets limited to 4: gives £12-48 per year).

All of these non-uniform days would have a dress or colour code and it was invariably not a colour we owned ( think bright yellows, reds, greens, blues, etc). So something would have to be bought each time usually at a cost of between £6 to £22. It would never fit for the next year as my DC grow out of things very quickly (very tall and getting more womanly, etc).

Over the course of 6 years for 2 dc this adds up to £4000+ and doesn't even include things like spending money for trips, school uniform, shoes, plimsolls, PE kit, special school bag, school dinners or packed lunch, etc. This was 4 years ago now too! Mine are now in secondary school.

I feel your pain OP.

Secondary school isn't as bad in that way, but there are a lot of other hidden costs which you can't avoid:

Eg, pupils are charged 20p per photocopy for any text needed for their homework or lessons.

They must wear a lanyard with a plastic card holder for their ID card to get around school and locker key attached. In their 6 years there they only get one lanyard/one card holder/ one ID card/one locker key.

The problem is that where it is used constantly to access rooms/open doors it wears away and so the plastic breaks regularly, the ID picture fades and the lanyard clip doesn't last.

If any of these things break/get too faded/worn you have to buy new ones at a cost of: £1 per plastic holder, £5 per key, £10 per ID, £3 per lanyard (has to be school colours). My DC aren't particularly clumsy and are fairly careful, but so far it's cost me around £30 in replacements over 4 years. Food is more expensive, it's around £5/day per child (minimum) for a proper meal, pudding and a drink (ie, not just a slice of pizza or a bacon butty). The cheapest main meal is about £3.50 and that's without a drink or pudding.

There aren't so many trips/year, but they're more expensive and it always says that it's part of their learning for their course, so they have to go otherwise they fall behind. School uniform is very strict and fitted so there no growth room. I'm lucky if their blazers last one academic year as they're very fitted. The entire uniform can only be bought at a particular school uniform shop and it's not cheap. The trousers have to be a certain stye as do the shorts, shoes, socks, etc, and you are sent home for non compliance. Trousers cost £35 each, skirts £28, blazers £50+, blouses are 'cheap' Hmm at £28 for 2. School jumper is £35, socks are £4 per pair and the rules for their shoes are so narrow that it's hard to comply (impossible when trying to buy cheaper shoes), especially when your dc have big feet. Their latest pairs cost me £70 each and they won't last the year as they're growing so fast.

Imgoing2killhim · 01/12/2016 12:13

Omg! Sorry, I didn't realise it was so long. I didn't mean to take over. Please excuse any errors as I pressed send before proof reading.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/12/2016 13:37

YNBU. That's the trouble with some schools. They think the whole world are on HT wages.

They've got more front that Blackpool Prom asking for in excess of £100 at anytime. Let alone Christmas.!!!!!
If you cannot afford don't you dare carry on putting yourself out, and don't worry about your child being penilsed and left out of any activities. Schools are not allowed to penalise children because of families financial hardship.

WorkAccount · 01/12/2016 13:51

our school has a facebook group for the parents where we can borrow, swap things etc.
Find if your school has one, and if it hasn't set one up.
As for example I bet someone had a costume from last year they could have sold/lent you.

AliceInUnderpants · 01/12/2016 13:55

Nursery rhyme costume - £12 - totally fair for the school to assume you may have something at home that would be suitable. If you don't, then I guess you have to buy.
Donation for nursery rhyme £25 - If I'm understanding from the rest of the thread, this was sponsorship? You can't choose to sponsor £25 then whinge about it. If £25 wasn't affordable, you could have chucked in a quid.
Raffle tickets - £10 - optional
Christmas play costume - £20 - again, if you have nothing suitable, it's fair for school to request you get hold of it. Do you think the school should provide £20 a head for kids costumes?
Non-School uniform donation - £5 - This is very steep, I'd definitely be taking it up with the Head. We either pay £1, 'silver donation' (I usually still send them in with £1) or chocolate for the xmas tombola stall.
Christmas hat and jumper - £15 - Was this for a non-uniform day? If so, just send him in his own clothes. What would they do?
Raffle tickets again - £2 - optional
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6 - what is this?
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5 - optional.
Fruit or Veg donations every week - the equivalent of sending your child with a snack every day surely?

What were all the raffles for? This term is more expensive, simply because they have more activities and performances.

creamycrackers · 01/12/2016 14:00

YANBU Sounds like Dd's school. We now have to pay to watch our Dc in the Christmas play (but in all fairness the ticket is entered into a draw), luckily she can just about squeeze into the Christmas jumper I bought for last year concert. I only have 1 Dc at the school now but my sister has 5 so that works out at £7.50! She is struggling to put electric in most weeks but feels she has to pay for these things or her Dc will be left out. It's ridiculous. The latest is why send Christmas cards when you can buy a book from the school library and put your own message in the front. No I really do think a multi-pack of cards for £1.50 is much better!

Ds is at secondary. We have paid for a couple of trips but they were optional £30 each. 2 non uniform days £1 each. Luckily he doesn't want to play an instrument which would of cost £45/term or rock climb- £35/term or go on a ski holiday £850...phew!