AIBU to wish the school would stop asking me for stuff

[StopAskingForMoney]

So DS1 has nearly completed his first term at school in YR. The school is great, teachers are lovely, they're great 99% of the time the only issues we've really had are minor in the grand scheme of things (letting all the parents turn up to school to then tell them at 9am it's not open due to a 'issue' and to bring them back at 12, to then get a text at 12 saying the school is closed due to a sewer issue they've been trying to fix since 7am, Forgetting to open the school gate because they 'forgot')

The issue is In the last three weeks alone the school has asked for;

Nursery rhyme costume - £12
Donation for nursery rhyme £25
Raffle tickets - £10
Christmas play costume - £20
Non-School uniform donation - £5
Christmas hat and jumper - £15
Raffle tickets again - £2
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5
Fruit or Veg donations every week

They've also now asked for us to donate things like balance bikes, wheel barrows, lego etc! The money they raised from the school nursery rhyme challenge was going to be used to get something that benefitted all the YR children. They brought a bike shed, just for the YR children, never have I ever seen a YR child ride their bike to school, the majority I'd say at least 80% of the YR parents drive to school, so it doesn't benefit all the children.

There is also talk about donating to the church, Now people are wanting to do a club together to buy the stuff for the teachers.

AIBU to want them to stop asking me for things! I have no money, I don't want my kid to be the only one sticking out but I can't afford it! I don't get why they want money every week for something! It's right on top of Christmas and half the time we'll get a letter in the book bag asking for things to be in by the end of the week, It's stressing me out!

I think you're worrying too much - dd was supposed to have particular colour too and leggings last year to be a tree and I could not find brown ones so she was an evergreen tree. Have you setup a WhatsApp group to see if you can swap clothes for the school play with someone that needs a colour of clothes you have?

soubriquet they brought the bike shed with the donations £2.50 per song sung, 10 songs sung = £25

It's really difficult OP when your child first starts school as you feel like you have to participate, donate and provide everything that is asked for. What you have to realise is that none of this is compulsory and the teachers usually do not want or expect parents to spend lots on costumes etc. Dont feel pressured by overly keen reception parents, they usually tire of it all by Y2

Costumes - did you have to give this money to the school or did you have to buy one? If it's up to you to provide the costume perhaps you could make or borrow one?

Donations and Raffle tickets - just donate what you can and don't feel obliged if you can't afford it. Maybe give your time instead and help out at the Christmas fayre or other events.

Christmas hat & Jumper - Poundland Santa hat plus any old jumper in reds or greens will do.

What's the difference between state and public, we've only referred to them as public and private

A public school is, confusingly, a top private school. For example, Eton and Harrow are public schools.

A state school is a school which you don't have to pay fees to attend.

What actually is it though? Was it like a sponsored sing along then?

Ridiculous. I wouldn't be able to afford all that and I wouldn't pay £5 for non-uniform day either

Mine are both at an independent (private) school and they'd never expect that kind of cash to be spent!! £1 for non uniform day, play costumes cobbled together from what everybody has available or what they have from previous years. Raffle tickets only on the odd occasion. Bonkers!

The raffle tickets I sent back in the book bag, numerous times each time the teacher handed them to me and asked me to sell them

Costumes we don't own plain clothes, (may reconsider now) It's all jeans and lego/superhero t-shirts none that's a nursery rhyme

Fruit and veg I believe is for snack time, they've also asked for tissues, no idea what that's for though

The nursery rhyme I explain above, might of cross posted

No not in America, I always thought it was the other way round

soubriquet yeah it was that

I'd rather they ask for a lump sum once a year tbh then cobble it together before christmas

I understand that schools are under pressure these days but so are parents. It's not on that the teacher is insisting that you sell raffle tickets when you have handed them back, perhaps have a word with the head. Sometimes schools need to be made aware of the impact all of these requests are having on parents.

Do they actually demand £5 for an own clothes day?

I would find that outrageous and send at most £2. I would bet that they would have to let it slide, especially if you told them that that was all you could afford.

£25 donation for a nursery rhyme?? What is that even about?

These are donations. Cut the amounts. Donate only what you can afford. You don't have to go public about that if you don't want to. If they question you then tell them that you are doing all you can afford to do and you don't want your DS made an example of.

I work in a primary school. Sorry, no. THey're taking the piss.

Is it £5 per non uniform day?
That is shocking if it is. I have 2 dds at the same school, that would be £10!
No way would i pay that just for them to wear their own clothes, especially when ive spend so much on the bloody uniform the school insist they wear!

Ridiculous! How do the other parents feel?

We get asked for £1 here and there for non uniform days, latest was a donation of sweets/chocs for Xmas raffle for which the tickets will be 50p. Or we get asked to donate items for the school fayre. Even our school trips are free. I'd be having words OP.

My DD is in reception as well. The only thing we've been asked for is donations towards redoing the reception/KS1 playground, which is through a website where you can donate anonymously.

I remember getting raffle tickets when I was at primary school. My mum bought 1 or 2 herself and put the rest in the bin.

Do you have to give £5 for non-uniform? The (secondary) school where I teach only asks for "donations of £1 or more"

I remember being fed up at how much the school asked for when my twins started reception. Now I am a member of Friends trying to raise the money and I am more aware of how under funded schools are I see the other side of things.
You get more savvy as your children progress through school. I rarely buy costumes now (eg Nursery rhyme would be jack and Jill - normal clothes, brown paper round Boys head). Xmas jumper £4.50 from supermarket (more of a t shirt type thing). Xmas play costume ask friends on FB if anyone has one I could borrow. Raffle tickets £5 max.
I always figure money given to the school is just the same as giving money indirectly to my kids myself.

You either donate or buy/make a couple of cakes for the non-school uniform day making a cake straight out the box and icing is the same amount either way.

How would I put it to the head, she is lovely from the what I've seen of her tbh

I know some people are saying that this is just how it is but it does seem a huge amount of money.
When we have non uniform days we never keep count of who has paid.

wood We literally speak to 2 other parent at the school who are feeling the same way, one is bigger than my son, the other is smaller. I wouldn't mind if it was play equipment so everyone actually used it, this they won't

They can't stop him from participating if you don't donate. So on non-uniform days, send him in non-uniform anyway. They aren't allowed to charge you for that. I would start sourcing your own jumpers and costumes and stop meeting their suggested donations. Let the teacher know it's too much and you'll be unable to contribute for a while. That way they can start to adjust their thinking and provide a curriculum that is within your budget, as well as theirs!

The bit i would find irritating is spending that sum on a bike shed which there seems to be no call for.

I know parents who are paying up uniform from catalogues at 50p a week they are so hand to mouth. I find asking these sorts of sums extraordinary and a bit insulting.

Schools must consider the impact on families when they launch into various events.

Our school picks one charity a year and has a small number of events spread throughout the academic year. Non-uniform days are £1.

The raffle tickets I sent back in the book bag, numerous times each time the teacher handed them to me and asked me to sell them

Have I understood this right ... do you mean they again pressure you to sell them after you've sent them back?? If so, that's going way too far and I'd be having words with the Head about these expectations

I'd also be careful what you wish for about them asking for a set amount once a year; with an attitude like this they'd almost certainly discover "emergency extras" later

£1 here for things like!e no uniform day, jeans for genes, children in need etc. Those look like huge amounts of money, I would find that very stressful.

Hmm. Is this what you were asked for or what you spent?

And why are you using the term "public school"?

So schools now want parents to understand that the schools are on a strict budget even though that courtesy has not been reciprocated in most cases, now or in the past!