AIBU to wish the school would stop asking me for stuff

[StopAskingForMoney]

So DS1 has nearly completed his first term at school in YR. The school is great, teachers are lovely, they're great 99% of the time the only issues we've really had are minor in the grand scheme of things (letting all the parents turn up to school to then tell them at 9am it's not open due to a 'issue' and to bring them back at 12, to then get a text at 12 saying the school is closed due to a sewer issue they've been trying to fix since 7am, Forgetting to open the school gate because they 'forgot')

The issue is In the last three weeks alone the school has asked for;

Nursery rhyme costume - £12
Donation for nursery rhyme £25
Raffle tickets - £10
Christmas play costume - £20
Non-School uniform donation - £5
Christmas hat and jumper - £15
Raffle tickets again - £2
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5
Fruit or Veg donations every week

They've also now asked for us to donate things like balance bikes, wheel barrows, lego etc! The money they raised from the school nursery rhyme challenge was going to be used to get something that benefitted all the YR children. They brought a bike shed, just for the YR children, never have I ever seen a YR child ride their bike to school, the majority I'd say at least 80% of the YR parents drive to school, so it doesn't benefit all the children.

There is also talk about donating to the church, Now people are wanting to do a club together to buy the stuff for the teachers.

AIBU to want them to stop asking me for things! I have no money, I don't want my kid to be the only one sticking out but I can't afford it! I don't get why they want money every week for something! It's right on top of Christmas and half the time we'll get a letter in the book bag asking for things to be in by the end of the week, It's stressing me out!

someone forgot to donate for one of the activities and they came out with the sheet in the playground and assured her she must of forgotten but they needed to be in today so she gave them the money in the playground with people looking at her!

Ah, so they throw in a bit of public humiliation as well? How absolutely delightful ... not

I agree with the PP who suggested that the person who challenges this first will be an absolute hero ...

It does seem a phenomenal amount.

OP, it is time to get your assertive face on and make it clear that donations, if given, will be at your discretion. If they ask £5 for non-uniform give the teacher £1. If there is a problem the head can talk to you about and and let them justify why the amounts are so huge.

It may be that they have dreadful communications and are sending out wrong messages to parents new to the system

Bert Well they have, I'm sorry but what exactly are you hoping to achieve? If it's not about what I call a public school or not it's now about I'm lying? You evidently have nothing helpful to say so please go

pass I'll speak to the head for sure, the communication could be improved like the examples in my op

My dd is now in yr 6 so have a few years experience of this and now I am more relaxed on what I will and will not 'contribute' to.

Non uniform days is always £1, I wouldn't give more.

My dd won't wear fancy dress clothes so any sort of dress up days I cobble something together from what we have, she has a large cape/cloak which has been great for all sorts of characters. Why did they want £25 for nursery rhymes? i would have refused that!

I would speak to the teacher and explained you can't afford £20 here and there for all these various costumes.
Raffle tickets go back unsold.

I don't either. There is no way on earth that A state school would make that s requirement.

pass that may be so, but surely you'd expect someone with a child in school to know the difference between state and public.

But the OP doesn't read or listen to the news so probably has lots of gaps in knowledge and current affairs.

I think this thread is odd. Maybe it will be in the Fail tomorrow.

Nope. Not everyone is that invested. Honestly, genuinely.

Schooland education is my world but it is just a teeny tiny part of the world of some.

Thank goodness my three are out of primary school where this stuff was rampant (but not as bad as OP relates)! Fortunately I could play the single parent card, but there was always the unspoken sense you weren't a good parent as a result ... I tried to make up brownie points by volunteering for summer fairs and Christmas shit (whoops - 'fun winter festivals') in the dread expectation my lassitude on the OP described 'contributions' would be overshadowed by my mirthless grins in July and December.

Secondary school (comprehensive) is so much better, with a straightforward request for monthly cash and none of this 'purple T shirt or £5' bullshit.

It's life: in a few years the little bastards (speaking entirely pejoratively and not descriptively) will be over 18 and their debts will be their debts and I can CHOOSE whether I help or not, with no-one (apart from them) being able to make any kind of judgement about my decision. (Which will be practical: I adore the darlings, but I want to eat too.)

OP the reason people are trying to clarify state or public school is because if it was a public school like Eton you'd be paying thousands in fees so requests for 5 pounds raffle tickets might not be so bad in that context

I remember when my eldest DD was in year 7 and going on an art department trip to the Clothes Show in Birmingham. The teacher said only a small amount of pocket money should be provided and that £50 would be ideal.

Few if us parents gave anything like that.

Seriously, you do not have to adhere rigidly to their figures. They are arbitrary and not enforceable.

The reason people might be wondering if the school is a state (no fees) or public/private (fees paid) is because the amounts you have been asked for are very high and would be unusual in a state school. If people pay school fees, it might be assumed they have more money to spend on school 'extras'. I say this as a Headteacher in a state school.

PS I have to say I hate the idea of forcing people to buy Xmas hat/jumper if they're not going to buy one anyway. There's enough cheap/child labour tat that gets bought at Christmas that ends up in landfill soon enough - up to you if you choose to buy it but it really winds me up that people promote this let alone a school.

I love the idea of Eton press ganging parents into selling raffle tickets. Boris Johnson's mum trudging the street and ringing doorbells with he promise of a cut and blow dry from crazy cuts as the star prize

black I've already said it's not private . Literally everyone call it a public school because.. It's open to the public, private because you have to pay like public health care and private health care. Never realised it was such an issue to some

crossed post with blackcherries!

Public and private school are interchangeable terms for the sane thing. Both refer to fee paying schools.

State schools are government funded with taxpayers' money and free at point of delivery.

black He won't wear it again, we don't do Christmas jumpers so it'll get donated to charity. I think i'm gonna have to buy one in the sale after Christmas for next year

OP yes but there is still a difference between private and public schools, neither of which are state schools! Not a big deal, just that you're calling it something different from what it is so people are confused, that's all.

No, I am not going to just go. I don't believe a state primary school demanded £100 In 3 weeks. You may have spent £100- some people would rather spend money than improvise and that's fine. But that isn't quite the same thing.

The school do seem to be asking a lot but you seem to be spending more than you need to as well. £15 on a Christmas hat and jumper is unnecessary. Any old jumper with tinsel pinned on and a £1 santa hat would suffice. Nursery rhyme costume - draw a large egg on some card and attach with string = humpty dumpy for eg. If raffle tickets are given back to you tell the teacher you've asked around but no-one wants to buy them. Maybe buy 1 if you want but not the whole book!

oops I thought private/public were different (to do with who can access them) but looks like I'm wrong.. Never mind me.

pass i said that someone with a child in school should know the difference between state and public.

Of course not everyone is invested in knowing this, but I'd say an adult with a child in school should be invested in knowing what sort of institute their child goes to.

It seems very odd that everyone around the OP also calls it public.

OP have you also had a request for a few thousand pounds??

Tesco are doing Christmas pins and brooches in sets of 3 for £3 to £4. Pin one to a jumper you already have and BINGO.........Christmas jumper.

For example. Reception Christmas jumper. Sweatshirt already owned. Some tinsel from the Christmas decoration box tacked on in a star shape.
20 minutes max. Free.