AIBU to wish the school would stop asking me for stuff

[StopAskingForMoney]

So DS1 has nearly completed his first term at school in YR. The school is great, teachers are lovely, they're great 99% of the time the only issues we've really had are minor in the grand scheme of things (letting all the parents turn up to school to then tell them at 9am it's not open due to a 'issue' and to bring them back at 12, to then get a text at 12 saying the school is closed due to a sewer issue they've been trying to fix since 7am, Forgetting to open the school gate because they 'forgot')

The issue is In the last three weeks alone the school has asked for;

Nursery rhyme costume - £12
Donation for nursery rhyme £25
Raffle tickets - £10
Christmas play costume - £20
Non-School uniform donation - £5
Christmas hat and jumper - £15
Raffle tickets again - £2
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5
Fruit or Veg donations every week

They've also now asked for us to donate things like balance bikes, wheel barrows, lego etc! The money they raised from the school nursery rhyme challenge was going to be used to get something that benefitted all the YR children. They brought a bike shed, just for the YR children, never have I ever seen a YR child ride their bike to school, the majority I'd say at least 80% of the YR parents drive to school, so it doesn't benefit all the children.

There is also talk about donating to the church, Now people are wanting to do a club together to buy the stuff for the teachers.

AIBU to want them to stop asking me for things! I have no money, I don't want my kid to be the only one sticking out but I can't afford it! I don't get why they want money every week for something! It's right on top of Christmas and half the time we'll get a letter in the book bag asking for things to be in by the end of the week, It's stressing me out!

Can they not? When asked they've said that the children donating can wear non-uniform, if they're not then it's uniform as usual

yep, they keep sending them back, someone forgot to donate for one of the activities and they came out with the sheet in the playground and assured her she must of forgotten but they needed to be in today so she gave them the money in the playground with people looking at her!

I don't think it's just the money either. It's the constant doing and buying and faffing about. None of it seems directly related to the reception child's education and by the sound of it the relationship between school and home is being tested already. Not a great start to a 7 year relationship

Also check if there's already a whatsapp or Facebook page for parents there often is and clothes for costumes/Christmas jumper day and the like get swapped about/handed down.

Also check charity shops, local freecycle pages/sites.

Get a job lot of plain white tees and fabric pens for if you're caught on the hop off eBay/Amazon.

Be clear and assertive with the class teacher that you won't be doing raffle tickets/donating an unacceptable amount (regardless of if you can afford to a point) BECAUSE it's an unacceptable amount.

Legally they cannot insist on any of it as its a state school and they're not allowed to exclude children on the basis of their parents can't afford x/y/z as its discriminatory.

bert I answered that above,

It's always been called public school where I am, everyone who's asked what school he's going to or is at goes is he in a public or private school why does it matter?

Fruit of the loom shirts are around £1.50. Buy a packet of transfer paper at around £4. Print theme picture. Iron. Job done!

Wow! Humiliating parents is absolutely NOT ON! that parent should have gone to the head and complained and if no apology and change in practice then higher.

YANBU. Tell them it is too much.

They could have thought that you hadn't noticed that they were in the book bag - some parents don't check.

Tissues are probably being asked for as a way of cutting down what the teacher spends on his/her class out of their own pocket. In theory, all things are funded by school. In reality, if I want a box of tissues in my classroom (to stop losing kids to the bathroom every time they want to blow their nose) then I have to buy them as there's no fund in school for things like that - and paper towels are not nice to use.

I also buy special paints if I don't want to use the nasty powder paints, any special paper for nice projects, pens, craft items for things like Christmas cards etc.

At one point I was even buying paper and pencils for the children in my class to use and the headteacher was buying the photocopy paper for the school out of her own money as we had barely any budget.

That does seem a lot my dc is in reception and so far I have been asked for:
Stationary
Money for school bus
Donation for charity, church and local hospice
Cakes
Nativity play costume
Money for pantomime
Gift to help raise money for school
Bottle of wine same as above
It feels like a lot and hard to keep on track with as this was from September- December.

I think you do need to have a word..You will be the hero on the playground.. We had a pay 50p to wear jeans..My DS was so disinterested in what he wore I just send him in uniform..He never noticed or commented.

The school as far as I am aware have to provide fruit for infants... So are trying to cut costs... It doesn't mean you have to pick it all up if you can't.

We are asked for donations of various items.. I choose which I do and which I don't.. £5 for none uniform seems a ridiculous amount.

Seriously, give lesser amounts of you have to participate. I would, and I have had three children go through primary school. Thankfully youngest is now halfway through secondary school, which is much less in-your-face.

Personally I think it was one hell of a nerve to give the raffle tickets back to you and say sell them after you had already returned them. Nothing would be more likely to persuade me to bin them as it would put my back up.

If you can't afford it then you can't. Just give what you can. Tell them if asked. I would be willing to bet you wouldn't be the only one.

"am, everyone who's asked what school he's going to or is at goes is he in a public or private school why does it matter?"

Because as far as I am aware, nobody in the UK uses "public school" to mean "state school"

I don't understand how you cannot know the school is called a State school. Just listening or reading the news would inform you.

Anyway, the amounts are ridiculous. You must be in an affluent area or something's gone awry. Most schools suggest a quid for non uniform, don't push raffle tickets and certainly don't put pressure on for outfits for 4 and 5 year olds for plays.
And they sound very, very rude if they push it back on you if you don't comply.
There just be children who have free school meals (or the equivalent term as KS1 all get free lunches), or twins in the class with parents on a modest income.

Yes they do bertrand. Lots of people where I work refer to my school as a public school. To them it means open to the public rather than a private school

bert well now you're aware that some do, I don't see why it matters?... Never set foot in the states either

Where abouts do you live?

It seems like a crazy amount on the surface of it.

But as others have said, you DON'T have to spend that much on it.

Nursery rhyme costume - £12 get creative - I've never bought a costume for these things, any old rubbish will do, seriously! When your DC gets old enough to be critical of your efforts is when you outsource the creation to them...
Donation for nursery rhyme £25 donate less - no one will think less of it. £1 per song instead of £2.50.
Raffle tickets - £10 don't sell em. Resist attempts to make you feel bad
Christmas play costume - £20 really ?I totally guarantee you that if you told school you could didn't have 'matching' top and bottoms, it probably wouldn't matter. Black is close enough to navy, blue is close enough to navy, a t-shirt can be bought for less than £5 to match whatever bottoms you do have
Non-School uniform donation - £5 too expensive. Complain! £1 or £2 is going rate, your school/PTA is trying it on
Christmas hat and jumper - £15 this is trickier, and personally I am not a fan as it seems Scrooge-like not to buy, but creating an expectation for a Xmas jumper for a kid that lasts only a few weeks max is madness in my book. If you're creative/have time but not money you can sew a bauble/felt Christmas tree on a plain jumper you already have
Raffle tickets again - £2 optional
Parent present buy they're getting the kids to do- £6 urgh. Feedback to school/PTA you're not keen
Another Christmas fair raffle - £5 optional
Fruit or Veg donations every week buy carrots!

gnashere I don't listen to or read the news... I'm failing to see what I or other refers to a public/state school has to do with this...

We have had a letter recently for a 2 night stay at an activity centre, in this country, for £180...

OP making a cake or buying one to send in for non uniform day doesn't have to cost you £5 you can pick up a cake from a supermarket for £2(if your in the UK)or you can pick up a cake mix for £1 in a supermarket.

If they try that again with the Raffle tickets stand your ground and say No!
Tell them you have no one to sell them to but you hope the raffle goes well for them.

With all the money for a bike shed(that was bloody daft)were the parents consulted/asked about what the money would be spent on before they wasted it on something 80% of the school won't use?

Honestly I'd ask to have a time when you can speak to the Head and tell them just how hard your finding the constant demands for money and let the Head know your not the only parent that feels that way.

With the collections other parents are asking you about tell them you've already sorted a gift/gifts for whatever Teacher/Teachers they're collecting for that should get them off your back.

Oh crikey really? Plenty of my parents wouldn't have no clue what a state school is just as they may still be referring to qualifications which haven't been around since they were at school.

I am sure op is delighted that as well as feeling beleaguered by the school she has now been chastised for her nomenclature

You are choosing to spend this amount.
To be honest I don't know a single schools that requests 5.00 for non uniform day....sounds excessive.

Lady for you! That's outrageous are they in YR?

oh No, we weren't consulted we just got a text with the amount raised and that the shed was ordered. I'll see if I can speak to the head

I''m sorry, I just don't believe that any state primary school would specify donations totalling £100 over 3 weeks.

It seems an awful lot.

We ask for 50p - £1, so if lots of kids in the family it isn't too much.

Costumes we provide because so many parents don't. OP provide what you can then scour the charity shops or tell school. Quite often they will find something. I go to the local charity shop with a list and bless the Sally Army they give me a discount for school.
£25 for nursery rhymes seems ridiculous ...did everyone give that or did you sponsor and get caught out?
Get your child to make the teacher a card she will love it. I never expect presents at Christmas.
Schools are very strapped for cash at the moment. I provide snack for my group every week. Our school gets free fruit and veg until yr 2.