To think this is madness at a company Christmas do?

[designateddriver16]

We have a Christmas do which is pretty much compulsory. You get hounded for explanations if you don't go. They are generally Saturday nights and never in convenient locations. This year's is out in the sticks. Transport is not provided. Nearest town is 10 miles away. Accommodation available for £90 per room. (Not covered)

Senior management have announced us they are only providing free wine with the meal. No soft drinks for drivers or anyone else. I queried this and was told that tap water in a jug was the only non alcoholic option. Drinks are available at the bar at extra cost (last time a coke was £3)

I have to drive. Need to get home for the dcs. I'm not a massive drinker so even if I weren't driving tbh I'd like the option of alternating wine with a soft drink.

AIBU to think this is not only weirdly stingy but irresponsible madness?

I would go along for the meal and get someone to phone me about half an hour into it with an emergency so that I had to leave immediately. My DH and I have done this for each other as we both hate work parties!

FFS. Women who are assertive at work are seen as pushy and bitchy and are unpopular with men and women alike.

The problem isn't the OP's lack of assertiveness. The problem is her company's culture

Only one solution. Updated that CV and start looking for a new job. And when they ask you why you're leaving, tell them it's because of the christmas parties.

Yeah. I've worked in places where my assertiveness has gone down really well

And me - I was told not to be so "negative"

We had a compulsory "overnight team bonding" event . Most alarming. Everybody said you must go, it will look terrible if you don't. It will be held against you. People will think you aren't committed...

I thought fuck that and said no. Didn't even offer an excuse, it was the weekend and that was good enough for me. No ill came from it, my career blossomed in the job. The year after a couple of other colleagues dared not to go.

Your company sound horrid, enforced fun that sounds the opposite of a good evening. Think I'd have an unexpected situation that night that kept me away.

This is exactly why I don't go to my Christmas doos

I guess if the whole evening is otherwise free; food and wine, I wouldn't begrudge paying for a couple of cokes. Very weird though not to provide alcohol free drinks for the drivers amongst you. The percentage of non drinkers is definitely increasing, I've noticed at such events. Depends on whether you get on with your colleagues socially, I guess. Or whether you'd enjoy an entire weekend away from anything work related, plus a duvet day later.

I have been known to dive out of a common event. Unfortunately, one of my distant aunts, to whom I was very close, was unfortunately extremely and seriously ill that weekend... It was awful and so truly sad.

It was a tough one, but I just had to do it. I had to attend a day/evening with my dearest aunt then I had to spend an entire day duvet day-- at the funeral of my precious aunt, a week later. Very handy for a quick bit of Christmas shopping, on the internet, I have to admit.

The day following the funeral, the problem was not looking my normal knackered self. I actually felt very perky and unusually awake that day. I also had to look very sad, indeed. It was an appearance I had to struggle to maintain all day. Then got home and fell about laughing.

Sorry, ex boss, if you're reading this, but you were on the whole very unreasonable. You seemed to think I was available 24/7. That it was ok for you to have an affair with the HR Manager behind your wife's back (yes, I recognised the signs), oooo, yes, and you'd definitely come back with a spring in your step. However, it was never a two way thing when I was not allowed less than two week's notice to have a day off?! Plus you used to really ridicule you poor wife, not just about her skills about being a mum to twins, but also regarding how she looked! You were beyond cruel. I now really and truly wish I had the guts I have now, to say it to your face in front of our manager. You were a complete AH. And probably still are.

At my last company when they asked why I didn't want to go to the company Christmas event I told them that I saw enough of them during the week and valued my time off too much.

My old work used to pay for coke/diet coke/lemonade as well. It's not just a driving issue, it's discriminatory against pregnant staff, Muslim staff, diabetic staff etc. Offering tap water is not really treating staff equally. Put in a sentence "oh the Muslims can just have tap water" and you can see just how wrong it sounds! If anyone asks just say that it's logistically impossible.

?! Plus you used to really ridicule you poor wife, not just about her skills about being a mum to twins, but also regarding how she looked! You were beyond cruel.

I had a boss like this - criticised his wife constantly - she was fat, didn't know how to dress, didn't make the most of herself, made him feel ashamed to take her anywhere, if it wasn't for their son he would leave her and get himself wife worthy of him (those aren't his actual words, but that was his sentiment.) - and of course, he was such a catch (fancied himself as a Jason King look alike, for those of you old enough to remember "Department S".

Well, I ran into them on a family day out and she was lovely. Not a particularly pretty girl, but not plain either - just average as most of us are. not fat nor thin, not fashionably dressed (he was a "medallion man") but neat and clean and pleasant and lovely to talk to. He treated her like crap in front pf me and DH, too.

I hope she left him - he wasn't worth the steam off her piss tea!

The problem with a life share OP is that you're then stuck with coming back when the driver wants to...

This sounds like an insurance company. The attitude that everyone must attend a social event has a 1950s authoritarian tone. Could a group of you not suggest, through HR, a more acceptable venue and format.

I wouldn't go and I certainly wouldn't lie about why.

This sounds like an insurance company.

Nah, insurance would be paying for the accommodation to ensure no one had an excuse. It to stay and drink!

Some of you are extremely astute

Will report back tomorrow - wish me luck. Just tweaking the costume..!

It all finishes at midnight so hopefully the driver will be ready for off by then. I'm not going to object if he wants to go early though!

Play works party bingo for us please

I Used to work for a big multinational and their Xmas parties were legendary for shenanigans. The last one I went to I had two drinks, felt a bit tipsy and could see it was going downhill so I left while I was still feeling fine.
On Monday I was regaled with tales of:
A 'you looking at ma bird?' Punch up
A couple having sex in the hedge just outside the front entrance of the venue
Said couple being interrupted by the woman's partner and a fight ensuing
One of my team passing out on the loo floors and being revived by a very, very senior staff member
Etc.

Fabulous stuff. Even more fabulous when you don't have a hangover and know that you weren't to blame for any of it.

It's an unusual one to provide free alcohol and no accommodation. Are they trying to keep the costs down by assuming that most people won't drink and then pay for a taxi or pay for a room which is what you would have to do if over the limit.
In 30 years of working in public and private sector I have been to a few Xmas parties but not one set up like that so have to say.
I would suggest that it doesn't seem to be thought through that well by the organisation you work for and at the end of the day I am sure you would rather be spending your time with family so make polite excuses and don't worry about it !

Ps would love to know if this is a British company - just a guess !

Well - I survived! Have a splitting headache but it's done for another year.

The venue was actually lovely in the end but so isolated (not on sat nav and miles down unsigned, single track, unlit country roads) that several people got lost and missed the meal and one poor woman actually turned up a total nervous wreck 30 mins before the end having been lost for nearly two hours. Public transport totally impossible.

No drinks provided at all other than wine and tap water. I sneaked in a bottle of soft drink. Food was unexpectedly good. I was a little hammered but observed the following things:

Manager who I'm not fond of (because she's a controlling bully) gyrating inappropriately with usually very shy bloke from accounts, attempting a complicated dance move, falling fall length on the dance floor, sobbing and then just sprinting off. (The memory of this will sustain me for a while)

People sneaking off very early. Didn't see my line manager after about 830.

director practically shagging his wife on dance floor. Highly uncomfortable to witness. Felt like David Attenborough should have been there narrating the mating ritual.

God, it sounds awful. Start planning your excuse for next year. Perhaps you could become a Jehovah's Witness?

Well done OP! Sounds bloody awful. And to think, all that, in the name of the baby Jesus. I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant when he asked his followers to "remember me".

What a satisfying update.

Did you have your phone on hand?

I am so glad I do not work for your company. Can you name them so I can write to their MD about their policy.

At least your Director was perving all over his own wife and not someone else's. 9though that might have provided useful blackmail material )